tryin to find joy in everything i do lately.. i kind of enjoy my job at cpf..though i always meet ppl who are demandin..and always refuse the side of my story.. well.. i got to meet ppl from all walks of life..yeah. at least i met nice ppl too...well.. two sides to everything..hmmz.. i've got nice OICs.. but think my 'life' being sucked off by the job.. feet blistered.. tired at the end of each day.. worst still..i cant get to sleep and the cycle continues.. geex.. well.. blah..new year's eve tml.. well well... ok..to all take care..

haiz..hurting everywhere.. geex.. dont know la.. bleah..
something is missing..but i dont know what.. had lunch today..surprised?.. think i wont ask for packed lunch anymore..haz..due to rain today..less ppl though still alot.. but we'll just have to expect bigger crowd in the next few days..whatever..to all..take care ba...

hmmx..blah... tired..vv ba..stood 10 hours..and best thing..no one mentioned lunch to me.. then i not wearing watch.. then keep handling customers..filling up forms.. doin ushering..bearin verbal abuse..argh..ya..by the time anyone asked if i had eaten.. it was close to four..so many ppl enquiring..clnt even afford to leave..so no lunch..worked ot till 630 by then..i tink gastric juices started eatin my stomach..blaH..nvm..i tink it's to be expected..?
geez.. blistered feet..nevermind la..have to get used to it..shouldnt complain.. at least i survived today..and it's a good beginning i hope...haiz..ok.. tt's work.. haz..EXHAUSTED...

ha..hope this colour turns out nice..well..it has been a long day..sigh..though i've been left out of all outings with these relatives from abroad..time doesnt pass.. wellx.. just lookin forward to goin to work..wont have to think too much le then..well..at least i'm glad that there's some warmth with these little cousins of mine around..but it wont last for long ba...nvm..at least it'll last for a week at least..cute little cousins..matthew3 and nathaniel6.. well.. it's nearin the end of the year already.. reflections.. hax..year of adventure..
ok..i honestly dont know how i am feeling... i just dont.. tired...take care..

harloe...Hmmz. everyone is out..which leaves me home alone..No details given to me..then i rush here and there..ar..suan le..today is cHristmas..christmas is a season of givin..i know this shld apply all the time..but it's jus not easy.. Went to watch OCEANs 12 with jb,jy,dj, jy's bro and fren? ya.. didny catch his name..basically..i think the story is ok? BUt i dun get the whole show on the whole? Maybe it's cos i didnt catch oceans 11? hahaz..well..or maybe i was just too tired.. Am still tired.. Haiz..hardly caught enough sleep..headache is coming n goinG..geex..i guess it's due to fatique...it better be ba..
it's coming to the end of the year already...WHAT A YEAR...sigh.. i dont know.. time has past yet memories remain..some sweet..some bitter...:( Whatever path i choose to take from now.. i just hope it's correct.. sigh..weaknesses just too many..i'm not even sure if i'm doing the right things now..well maybe i dun feel it..but haz.. To all..take care ya..?

memories..--things that hurt just too much..

well..thanks ar yintheng for helpin me with this website..hehe..really appreciate ar! Haha.. so unfortunately i'm a computer idiot? Hmmz..been busy..have been locked out of this room too.. so many things going on at home..suan la..dun wanna elaborate here..sianz.. class steamboat last wednesday..was ok la..nothing much to comment..thanks yt again for makin it possible..then received call from adecco that i wad shortlisted for an interview at CPF..shocked.. well.. i got it and training started immediately..till christmas eve we had trainin till 6pm lor..ha..basically am glad that i got it la..one thing is that i'll be able to at least cover some study fees in future. Hmmx. teaChing tuition as well..haz. a pri4 kid..hope all goes well..even if not..i somehow have no channels to complain..sigh..for work..i'll be doin customer service and crowd control.. i'll probably die on monday..dont know..and worst thing is i have to wear heels and vv office.. they say that we need to portray a proper image..ha..ok..
Hmmz..how's life now..? everyone will ask the same thing..i guess i jus have to drown myself in work..sigh.. at least keep my mind off stuff for at least 8 hours a day.. Geex..
the other day someone mentioned that girls got jealous easily..really? i really wonder..hahaz.. not important la..haiz..why is it that sometimes we do things against our own will so that others are happy..? Is one's own happiness to be forsaken??? haiz..tired.. everything is moving so fast.. geex.. so fast yet so slow...:( oh ya..merry Xmas..take care..

arGh...swam yesterday..think i'll go again soon.. shall go alone... not many ppl interested anyway.. geEX.. I guess some ppl are just busy..nothing i can do? haz..every1 busy now..Suan le..i'm no one.. went to 4 job agencies today.. whatever la.. hope i get something? At least i wont be thinkin too much if i occupy myself with something.. At least that's what ive been tryin to do.. to stop thinkin.. NO one at home..then ask me come home for WHAT? wad craP..tired.. my headache has not 'subsided'... how long liaoz..? haiz.. nvm..nvm...take care.

haiz.. sian diao? Maybe.. ArGh...headache from last night le..pale? dunno la.. i will never hear it from you i guess..suan le.. ha.. take care.. Pissed with myself.. Tired.. sleepy

hmmz..dont know what to say..maybe things can never be the same again..maybe i didnt need to know? well.. fine with me ba..ya.. dont understand the way certain ppl think..sianz. haiz... what a day..nevermind.. some day..i'll learn... live and let pass?sianz..almost kena knocked down..i better open my eyes..second time this week.. haiz.. Ok..To Ms Goh..congratulations..and live happily ever after..haz.. To all..take care ba..take care..

haz..stupid? I dont know..well.. some saw through it..some didnt..sigh..doesnt matter.. as it is..behind a smile lies anything but a smile.. geex.. i know myself only too well.. cheers..take caRE.

interesting jus how some ppl think.. whatever happens i guess i have to continue to have faith..have trust that i'm not alone..even if i am.. ha..at least i can take pleasure... will continue to cherish nonetheless.. well.. if that's the only way to remain cheerful..haha..have to try it and overcome all e displeasure right..? whatever.. To me..being the middle child never has its benefits...geex..so what if i'm jealous..? as if they care...

可能我错了。。这么久了。。一切还是无法改变？ ..Sorry..I guess someday i'll learn.. don't hold on to hope for too long? Ya.. especially when u know that what u are awaiting will never happen.. haz.. sigh.. time to step out ba.. Friends.. how do u all define this word.. lame but have been thinking abt this.. realised that i've been so wrong about so many things.. again..maybe someday i'll learn.. haiz.maybe it's just too bad for me la..ha..bye..take care...

time to sleep..but here i am again..thinking too much again..? ARgh.. i don't know.. haiz.. lost moments will never be back.. silence that can never be replaced..ha.. rubbish? maybe...

ya..ok.. i'm bad.. haha.. i dont know how to defend myself.. maybe it's true that's y i couldnt defend myself.. maybe... whatever.. lost in thoughts.. what am i supposed to do..? haz.. to all enjoy ur holidays.. take great care ba..:(

hi..it's been a really long time since i last blogged..after As ended on 25th Nov..hahax.. i left for indonesia the very next day and spent the next ten days there... then grad nite followed the day after i returned.. followed by a three days two nights chalet..hahaz..well.. havent slept well..haa.. how's life now for everyone..soon we'll hardly even be hearing from anyone.. ar..ha...dont know la..already feelin lost about all these..so what? haa.. why think so much when u have the choice not to? Suan le la.. hAz.what i hoped to do..i dont think i have much chance already la.. relatives from indonesia coming on christmas..from then i doubt i have time for other things le right..? haiz.. dont know la.. hahaz...smiles.. nothing to say le.. to all take good care of yourselves.. ByE~

haa...wad a joke.. i dont know.. no time to care? whatever la.. If u wan it that way so be it. why make me that middle person..? Do i care..? WHAT do u tink. sick... tired of all these... CRaP. 5 more days..2 more papers.

...7 more papers..15more days...? HAaa... Supposed to feel better as the days go by..? What a joke..beginning to zi bao zi qi again..? Maths1 down..and it was supposed to be maths..mind u.. ha..what can i do now right? suan le la.. remain positive..that's what everyone will say and wad i force myself to believe? ok... jia you then... i dun know wat to say le...Smilex..:)

aRGH...whatever.. what crap...haaz... what doesnt belong to you just doesnt..dont ask why...? Hmm..it's a couple of weeks more..Jia you...? what's happiness..? dun ask...jus be happy?...nvm.. Cheers... jus have to smile

dont know... i am pissed... everything is goin wrong..maybe i'm thinking too much.. some times.. i guess we just have to face some adversities alone.. whatever... i hate my head..why nt jus go bang it against e walls... Geex. heck.

hmmm..what's home to you people..? I don't know anymore.. it's not that i don't care anymore.. but.. haiz.. u knew very well what i didnt like you to say and u called me up while i was studyin outside and then..you knew what u said is not true and then u go on and on... great.. good thing i was alone by then...haiz...nvm.. know why i stay out ever so often already..?
somehow i'm quite lost for words.. why is it that everytime i want to put something across.. i just cant.. ArGH... haiz.. i continuously cause misunderstandings with ppl... geex.. what am i doinG..? haiz..sorry.. somehow i seem to be using this word to such great extent i don;t know if it means anything... But i do mean it when i say it...blah..
Hmm.. people change.. we all do... be happy..it's something that u can choose to be.. :) to all.. take care and smile...

there goes my paper...geex... It always happen..when i'm about to step out of the lab i realise what i miss out.. Sigh~.我是否开始自暴自弃了？？ right now.. feeling down.. am tired...but ya..definitely not out.. don't know what happened to me...but if i gave u a shock..i'm sorry.. sad..stressed out... trying to relax already..so will be fine i guess...having a running nose... Realised i should just stop asking questions.. I dont want to ask something and not get an answer...so i should just shut up.. at least no one needs to bother giving an answer and i need not find out.. if i am supposed to know i will right..? haha.. okie ba ppl.. take care..work hard ya..? Hugz^... anw leemin..thanks 4 e hp covers...:)

bleah..tired. restless...Haha... no excuses la... sleepless again... Hmm.. waking up so often from sleep... and the 6 hrs that are needed...i'm not getting them... geez... k ba. Take care... haiz...whatever i've said..will try my best to accomplish..to all..jia you

hmm..have been away from this blog for some time. Com died on me for some period of time.. Now it's 'alive' again.. Have still been making entries, but in my book.. don't think i'll retype them in here... ya. yesterday was the last day of school officially but doesnt really feel like it cos we'll still be goin back to school so often.. bleah.. many unexpected things happened haha. flared up a few times yest le..have been a long time since i felt this way... sorry.. it's as though i'm using anger to cover up the sadness.. sorry.. i didnt meant it to be this way.. Sorry to those i've offended. bleah.. dont know what i'm doing sometimes.. some things just don't make much sense. Nevermind la.. As long as others around me i care for are happy.. it doesnt matter even if it is to the expense of one's own happiness...i dont see why..i just do it.. ya. hehe. smile..to all, take care. To all who have held on, to those who cared.. Thanks alot.. i love you all...:)
am believing in oneself...u set me a challenge and i'll put myself to it.

hmmm...wanted to blog online but couldnt find the time so wrote it down first..so now found the time to type it out le..well.. went out with a friend on tuesay. finallly went back to east Coast Park again after say..6 months? And i guess you're right.. a place will remain where it is..why and how should i fear a place..?都是心理状态吧? i guess so then. Whatever happened 6 months ago seem to show me how childish and immature one was at that time. never thought of the consequences that would follow. Never thought of what could be a better solution lor..was it an act of impulse? haha... i can 'laugh' back at how these events still haunt me some time back? thinking too much again sometimes? ha. well.. that friend of mine actually wanted to put across to me how others around face problems too... i know that we have the control of the situations that we are in and only we have the power to change anything we dont like in our lives. i guess that i never thought that such things could have happened to me? But i was wrong. As it goes, everyone go through the many ups and downs in life and it is a matter of how we handle them and when we get through them. 不能说我比别人痛苦因为每个人都有自己说不出的难言，痛苦。 如果不想要痛苦就得想尽办法get out of it and stop complaining.. ha.. don't know if i make sense or not but yup. what we are going through now is just a phase in our life, just have to cross the hurdle and then get on? hmmm.. that friend of mine was straightforward..some parts simply too straightforward to accept but i guess she meant well lo? haha.. maybe indeed 没有事情是不可能的吧? hmmm.. for now, am glad that i've overcome the fear of going or being put in the same situations that i dont like.学习看开一点吧。想告诉我周围的人。 。祝你们好运，一切很快就过去. At this point in time, just have to remain positive? Yupz. must have faith..must learn to believe and trust that anything is possible. I'm not forcing, not pressurising myself..just believing..hope that all goes well ba. Some people have told me that i've changesd.. Really? 我真的是那种见面时少说话，没见面时却很多话说？dunno la... maybe it's my character lor? Ha.. hmm..gotten back most of my results.. i must admit that i din do exactly vv well but the fact goes that i did improve? will continue to work hard at it... As is coming in 4-5 weeks... i hope i'm ready..by then,,, yup.. smilez...

Hmm... played the whole of yesterday.. Though it wasnt exactly the way i had wanted everything to be, but on the whole it was ok ba. Guess i was too tired yesterday to exactly enjoy myself.. Went swimming at leemin's house on friday.. It has been a long long time since i last swam.. felt refreshed wor.. think will try to make it a point to go swimming at least once a week... go relax...Anyway..Congrats to XinWei and LiPing in learning how to ride the bike!! in jus less than two hours... Talking about relaxing... all i wanted to do was to take a break after the prelims but it seems some people jus felt it wasnt the right time for me to do so..and that all revision should continue as before even after the prelims. NO break no rest. Sigh...but i guess it's probably that they are worried.And I never told them how drained i felt after it, so how should anyone know..? I just want some time off before i start all over again. Nevermind.. Some things are never going to change... if i can't change the way others think...then i just have to learn to accept right..? And i just have to stay away and hear as little of what i wish not to hear... well..Finally..seems there are plans to go to Indo after my As? It has been a long time time...been waiting for the past 7 yrs... :) hehe... but too early to say anything now.. hmmz..
...i'd rather change myself to suit others...

yeah... PRELIMS is officially over. It has been on for like almost two weeks. Have to say that the papers didnt go too well for me but it's over..just have to wait for the results to come out and then start all over again... I still have that energy left in me i suppose..hehe.. well well.. for the next few days, intend to relax all i can and then come next week have to face papers...hmm. Went for breakfast after paper today at mac..then went lib to read for awhile.. then went CS to watch movie..then went KBOX with 5 other girls.. not too bad ba... prob going swimming tml then Sentosa on SAT morning and buffet at Sab's hse in the evening... hmm.. different me? really..? I duno.. But isnt the me now better off..? well..to all..Smile.. take good care of yourselves. :)
'Life doesnt stop for us to think about it... only when we learn to accept the things that dont go right can we truly do something about them. Treasure whatever time u have...'

yupz...got my journal back..haha.. Lost all my previous entries though... sad right? haha.. But nevermind.. those entries wont exactly too happy either.. so why let them hold me back for so long? Whatever's over is over. just have to look ahead and start over again. Thought i was holding out pretty well the past week but maybe i was wrong. But again as said.. it's not forcing, jus stickin to one's faith? I duno.. if it's forcing, then what's believinG? haha.. interesting lives we've got.. but i would honestly say that if one's happy, we live much better lives.. really.. I begin to look at things from different perspective and am glad i'm living more happily than before. But still have to thank many for making it so possible for me..:P hehe. Today marks the second last day of prelims..yeah... Paper in the afternoon..hmmx. Already came this far.. no matter how grey the skies may be, i believe i will see light someday, somehow. Cannot afford to give up nor get discouraged at this point of time...yeah. people.. no matter how unhappy u get, always remember that you are always being loved..for simply being you..Cheer up:) Grinz. Jia you ba... we all deserve to be happy... take care...