just as well..jus as well... Argh... the week has gone by.. it's monday again.. e weekend has been hard to pass.. truly difficult... again.. time has passed.... it's already the end of May.. it has been weeks or rather months ever since it first happened... how long more...? how much more can i take....? CRaP... 'within the laughing clown.. e tears that lie beneath....'
Was out w alvin, sandy, shirley n her frens after wk on Sat... went blading at east coast.. indeed the fear of something always holds one back... didnt fall..went quite safely over a few humps...well... then went over to bugis w all of them.. just as well...
wei, thanks 4 being there that day w me... HUgs tight...
if not for all these things going on.. i wouldnt have realised how perfect my life is...INDEED... maybe this isnt all to it.. but for now, it's enough.. pls... ArGh....just weak or what... i m not the onli one... i know tat...
" U threw me into it.. now i have to climb up... thanks 4 it.... if i cant climb out... ... ..."

halo... if a decision has to be made now.. i'd make one..
mistake it may be..? certain i cannot be..
memories it may be.. reality i hope it'd be...
assurance is what i need... who'd give it to me...?
haha...crap..something i came up with... Been lyin around the whole day.. took mc off wk.. coughin away.. still ok i guess... but m still tired.. still achin all over... bleah..
the goin hasnt been easy.. 'girl' u dun worry too.. i will be fine.. u also take care...
to all take care ba......

yuppiex.. it's a holiday today... slept alot today but e aches just wouldnt go away.. my cough too.. but i guess it's ok ba..well... ya.. went to the Big Walk yesterday.. haz.. realised that today is already the 23rd of May, marks my fifth month working already..how time flies huh.. n in a few more days...... haiz.. i dont know.. dont know exactly wad to say..i know i shouldnt be avoidin all the time... but.. sorry for makin u sound like the bad guy... who knows.. i may just be the one who's e bad one around... it takes two hands to clap.. i already snapped.. who's goin to be the one to repair me...? things have turned out like that for us ever thought why it did... because of me? maybe.. come next week i dont know what's goin to happeN..
I have lost... lost the battle against myself... against things around me.. what's going to happen..? too used to keepin things to myself already. it just continues to build up.... Geex... so i just let it..i dont know. i have given up b4... it jus felt good...
wei horsy...thanks for the pi pa gao and for turnin up today...appreciate it lots..hugs... dun worry, i'll be fine ok...?
take care

:'(... on e bus journey home, i couldnt take it anymore.. i let them flow.....

hi, it is mid week already... i spent my last sunday mainly sleepin ba... then went out to compasspoint to walk around... returned home to lay down on the bed.. then i drifted off again... i didnt know i could get so upset again..sigh.. my whole night was gone, totally... i was lost all over again... why did things turn out like that..? as it goes, nothing began so why should i get upset over it.. ya..easy said... crap.. to think u could say that to me...? did it matter to u how it'd feel..? no right..? whatever ba...
Well.. everything i do doesnt please anyone.. i may matter to you all but it is not what i feel of it.. if all u all care about is trying to show me how MUCH i matter by showin all your concern to them, and tryin to ci4 ji1 me right in front of me, i beg u all, pls just stop it ok... i m takin things too seriously.. but mind wad u all say can..? the hurt u all have given me is too much le.. i wont say it in your face..because i still care how u all feel but ...4get it...i came back with some snacks today..and u tell me u dun wan CHEAP food..? fine w me.. dont eat it.
To things that can never have any conclusion i should jus let go..? To stop thinkin wouldnt be possible.. haiz. thankfully i still have u around me..thanks... Hugz..
When things go wrong, it's life, when things go ok, it's life.. doesnt tt make life everything..? It is a puzzle, pieces of it are already missing, lost for good.. these pieces, i have given up looking for them already.. forget it...i'd try.. new pieces just makes it looks more interesting... ? haz..:P some things will never be the same again. i know that...
at some pt.. i almost felt like letting go already... i m tired..
CHeers... who doesnt want to be happY... to those keepin up spirits up.. thank u... i love u all...:)

hIz.. it has come to the end of the week already..i m havin trouble passin some of my time.. haiz. the night passes really slowly for me... been tossin..headache has been on... here's my weeK...
took my basic theory test on Mon at 845 with Sandy... Yuppiex... was ok la.. hahx..i came out w two confirm wrong ans.. sandy was v ji dong after e test...:) her fren came fetch us back to wk... reported back at 11.. then took leave for wed..caroline approved it...
wed came n passed.. i left hm at 6+...been so long since i felt so much at ease... to the U who gave it to me.. thanks so much huh...huggiex... watched hse of wax... then went up mount faber... nice nice scenery.. to those who havent been up there much.. go...haz..took some pics up there..nice..well.. i duno how 2 post... so if u all wan2 see..ask me..hahaz.. it will be a most memorable wednesday, heartwarmin memory for some time... thanks horsey...
on thurs n fri back to wk... been counting down the hours slowly... it has been hard ba.. accepted ntu's materials engineerin on thurs.. nus offered me arts n social sciences... made a choice.. but it didnt seem to go too well w some people.. haix.. four years into studyin.. am i sure about that..? i duno... received my Basic Theory test results.. n....i passed! yeah..relieved.
argh...my headache is killing me.. and it comes w no notice... haIx.. i dun wan2 see the doc... i dun wan2 find out that there's something wrong w me..
i m still struggling inside.. a year after... that positive joanne no more ever since i lost it a yr+ ago... the one cheery person is no more...in simpler terms-gone. i have tried... n i have failed... will i find it back..? i cant let it go. i cant accept it either.. y make my life so miserable for myself. i dun expect much anymore.. do u know that..? i m losing it......

haiz..it's happening again.. AGAIN! Crap..how many times do u want this to happen? have u ever wondered how i'd feel? NO...? THANK U so much for doin this to me yet n again.. u know you ppl are supposed to be my dearest ppl... but wad am i getting...? it has been a week..? u know wad..? right now i am feeling like so wonderful..u all know that...?? i have been keepin it all to myself...u all know tat? ok..no you all dont..how would u all ever..all u expect me to do is to be wad u all think would look good on u all..fine with me.. if all these is wad u all want.. i'll give it to u.
i dont know..i've got nothing to say...