yesterday had 2002 quiz.. it was a fairly ok paper..for the amount of time she spent on studying it, i know it shouldnt be that tough.. but it just goes to show that i didnt work hard enough.

you know joanne.. ur problems arent anything to mention of.. there are also people around who are in pain...
no worries... joanne will pick herself up..it's just a matter of time.. yes i will learn to hold on to the people around me... it's just that.. she has learnt the hard way.. she doesnt want to use anyone as support.. cos she had the experience of holding on to people when she needed them most... and to realise that they would just let go.. and when they did.. they never knew how far deep they throw me in.. these so called friends, never really took another look... they just went on with their life..

i am just afraid to reach out anymore...

just like to share the many things that have gone wrong lately..more often than not, my friends are placed high up in my priorties.. i think this is true for most people.. ya i know sometimes it goes to the extent that u dont care about yourself anymore because u are trying to do something for your friend... you get upset when the someone shares the problem with you and there's nothing u can do about it. ya.. though i believe in the fact that just being around someone when they need friends with them is already alot to ask for.. sometimes, just the presence of your friends around make alot of difference.

--met Y recently in NTU when he came back as an 'employee' of A* IMRE to give a talk to year3&4 students from MSE.. from my primary school and we met again in JC.. D is under A* scholarship and going off overseas to study coming August.. met awhile outside LT4 where he was giving the talk.. then realised..this one friend of mine, has thinned down to such an extent i almost couldnt recognise him anymore.. further talking made me realise he's under some condition, exercise bulemia or something..not too sure how to spell it. he has been exercising to such an extent that.. he doesnt do anything else other than his research in IMRE. he told me that he has cut off totally from his social circle.. that other than exercising and studies, he doesnt see anything else anymore.. his condition led him to break up with his gf couple of months ago, because exercising numbed all his other feelings.. he stopped going out with friends because he thought exercising gave him the 'high' he wanted.. i soon came into realization what a lousy mei i was to him... i never knew about all these.. when he didnt reply msges anymore.. i thought oh, maybe he has already left for overseas... just hope that he will once again come out and be his old self.. cheerful old self.. i know my kor is trying... wishing him the best...--

--recently C has been facing problems with his relationship with his gf.. i only came to realise recently how upset he has been in this r/s... despite everything... i know he loves her alot.. just that i saw no point in a relationship when they quarrelled week after week..and the same problem happens each week.. i can only say that at this point, cool down and decide what you want to do.. if u love her and have the every intention to carry on this r/s.. then do something about it.. it may or may not be ur fault.. from my angle.. i definitely be supporting you.. but i never know what's going on on her side.. she may have her reasons for doing all these.. take good care of yourself alright.. or else if u break down..who's going to support her if she needs you? --

--Prince shared with me a story of his past.. Princess and he had a wonderful relationship 5 yrs back.. then things started to crumble... He's still suffering from the pain that she cheated on him.. couple of months back..Princess came back.. telling Prince that she wanted to try again... Prince doesnt know if he can go back to the ship that sunk.. for the ship held too much memories... dear Prince.. looking at the situation urself, you would have said that.. move on and find another more deserving girl.. i would choose to believe u still care.. definitely you arent heartless.. but betrayal more often than not kills the love. i know it doesnt sound nice if i said the girl is looking for a sub when things go wrong on the other side.. then what if she thinks of him again, is the same thing going to happen again? my point of view is definitely that things will never be the same again. i believe no amount of love will cover up the hurt.. good memories linger... but if u dont let go, you wouldnt be able to achieve better ones.. that i am pretty sure.. like i said to few, sometimes it's good to be harsh.. then u will realise what's best.. you know yourself best though.. weigh the both sides.. then decide what you wana do.. jia you! =) i dun have a strong hand..but i can offer both hands if u need.. cheers too=) --

to all.. take care... it has been a long entry today.. i be in hall the next couple of weeks.. shouldnt be going home.. joanne jia you! *hugs*...

feel lousy...really lousy...
hey joanne since when did u become so weak...
argh. damn irritated with myself...
='(

it's a choice i made.
doesnt matter it hurts..

something is wrong when u sit in front of ur laptop.. stare, and start tearing.. i duno wad's wrong..

u knw..those were the days..
the indian 'breadman' and his daily appearance in the neighbourhood were just a joy for us little kids.. everytime we hear the distinct 'poH poH'..'loti..'.. we'll go like...mummmyyyy! then mummy will fish out a note or 2 from her purse..and there u see little kids surrounding mr breadman. the daily white bread spread with kaya+butter and the occassional sugi was simple pleasure.. haha..
still today.. i still enjoy eating it. when i sometimes reach home in the early evening from hall.. i will look ard to see mr breadman was ard.. although so many years down the road later, it's a diff indian breadman.. =x ya..such simple pleasures.. it's a rare sight these days.. and once in a while.. u may see this at confectionaries..

was reading a friend's blog lately.. i strongly believe that at times.. u cant say that things happen..cos u let them happen.. i often believe that it may lie that in the circumstances that surround it. but ya, all things happen with a reason, for some, if u dont see it, just accept it.

since when did things become so complicated..?
cheers...

and chocs never fail to cheer me... =x

it's tough.. but you got to try ya?
it's a wonder, how things change so much sometimes..
very different people with very different views.
you dont get to see both sides of things..
hey to u.. knw u are feeling upset..that things turned out this way between the both of u, but jia you ok? work it out ba.. cheers..

we have a choice:
how we want to feel
how we want to think
...

it's in the mind...

to move out of denial into realisation...

my right knee feels wrong again. =(

jia you!

you know it when people are trying to get u to chill..
and i know it when these people care... thanks.
well.. quizzes this week and week after..good luck to everyone..
for a long while after so much running back in cedar.. from that fall back then..not forgetting the few klics twice each week in tj.. i started to shy away from running at any chance possible.. so people, forget abt asking me go run.. hahaaa.. =x
off to lesson.. take care.
with love, me

this entry marks my 200th post.. =) according to the new blogger la. not too sure though where it starts counting.
things all happen for a reason. got to accept that. yes, some things, no point in letting it go on and on. no worries man. we all walk out of darkness. i will too ok? if i take a little longer, let me.
there's no use indulging in self-pity. it just hurts more..
exams are here.. jia you peeps.
=) hugs.

it all happened with a reason. no way out. take care.

it's been exactly a month since i last got my license.. and i havent drove my dad's car yet. sigh. when will i get the chance man.. u know my license didnt come cheap nor easy. nvm.

i thought i would never want to come out again... till a long long time later... i hid away.. but soon enough realised that it didnt make too much of a difference.. it pained to realise so.. that in no time.. i would be living in my world..own world.
the recurring headache, constant fainting spells... got me pissed off lately.. why doesnt it just go away.. i dont need my world 'revolving' around me as it already is. thanks guys for panadol n pokey. appreciate it lots=) and honest, your smiles always brighten up my day.
there were times when i dreaded to go home.. must find it amazing huh.. each weekend, ppl look forward to going home.. but then i dont.. i hate to find out things on my own... to find the problems that we're facing.. to realise that 'hey girl, you arent very useful at home you know that'.. i dont share... i knw i dont put in any effort in starting conversations......forget it.
you dont knw how sad it can get feeling lonely.. i dont turn to ppl, i chose to hide away even more, even more....
exams are round the corner.. think i'm going to stay away from home for the next few weeks.. people, ask me out to study ok?
sorry to those who reached out but rec lil from me. i knw i need to learn to talk to people, but i dont knw hw... thanks.
hugs.. thank you to those who care enough...

what happens if i dont come out...?

far far into hiding... till then.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,

and one of the best things you can be.

A friend is the one who will always be beside you,

through all the laughter, and through each and every tear.

A friend is the one thing you can always rely on;

the someone you can always open up to.

A friend is a sanctuary.

A friend is a smile.

A friend is a hand,

that is always holding yours,

no matter where you are.

A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.

something so simple...yet.. how many atimes do friends really go to such an extent for you. we do things trying not to have too high an expectation. yet when some friends who touched your heart once seem to never fade away in your heart..you seem to have disappeared from theirs... like i told someone not long ago.. i dont make very good friends with anyone anymore... maybe it isnt as much the fact that i dont trust anyone that much anymore..but the fact that i dont let go of the ties that bind that easily anymore.. i guess i wouldnt mind going around alone anymore...not as much anymore..it's fine, fine to be alone... sharing is no longer that simple a job anymore.
feeling lethargic. zzz. neck aching. =( sigh
IA allocation is out... think it's going to be so different next semester..
with people missing here and there...sighz..
sometimes, i realised that in order for certain things to come to an end... lies are told.. always found it easier to let someone hate u then to explain things.. maybe it really isnt the right way to do things.. but it saves lots of explanation. in time..we can only hope they forget...the pain that u choose to give them... some times, there's just no point in finding out the truth anymore...
i'm probably not that nice anymore..really not that nice... so. leave me alone if u cant take the way i choose to handle things..
we all crack up one day..

pek chek mood.
knee injury back i think.
strained it i think...never went to find out what's wrong since sec sch tennis days..=X
dad refuses to let me drive his car still..close to one month since i got my license..no matter hw short dist, he will tell me, 改天啦。。。duno when but it seems like its going to be a long long time. my bro got to drive it the very day he got his. i know i know...
take care ppl...
hey da ge..u take care.. jiayou ok? cheers=D
thanks ddd for the tazzie handphone stand...=) nicenice.

you know the hairdresser overdid it when u see too much of hair on the floor and u cant tie a proper ponytail...sighz.

lesson 1: get enough sleep before u go for night cycling..else u will really regret it....
lesson 2: dont get blue-blacks even before starting off.. but too dark not my fault i din see the pedal of the bike beside..
lesson 3: ....

it was fun though tiring... hee rmie, one more time? =X
went from pasir ris to changi v, simpang bedok, kallang, esplanade.. took close to 7 hrs for simpsons. as in tradition, we got lost again.. amazing.. always go up extra slopes for no reason...
still tired.

*snap out of it joanne... snap out. *

confirmed starting point--pasir ris park
ending point--esplanade
i dont think i should go home after that.. my dad will probably go like..'wad the heck are u doing at this time..' maybe not in this context..but something along that line.. if it ends at 5am-6 which it did last yr.. i think i might just linger around and see who is free to accompany till day-break (as in like 8-9am)
last yr it started in hall 1 ended at east coast park..
rmie thinks i am blogging too consistently it's scaring her..
dont worry la...=x
it's worrying why i cant get to slp recently...take care

so amazed..just blogged about going to ubin on wed, then thurs morning realised a group of friends going to ubin today..but going to night cycle tonight... Hmmm yeh duno when yet but i wana go there..when i going i let u know ok liping.. went out to study last night.. ok ba.. quite stoned.. didnt manage to get to sleep.. not much later went for techcomm meeting.. then lecture.. couldnt take it after that.. skipped 2002 tutorial..going for it on Mon i guess.. went back rm.. yawning away.. tried to slp..yaa. still with a heavy head... acty feeling weird.. hope i'm up to the cycling later..
i'm sorry about how i always make people worry unknowningly. i'm sorry my dear friends. i'm sorry. i will take care no worries ok? you all deserve a hug from me(though most of u know i dun reali hug people)... take care..
dear rmie and toiletie.. hope we have fun tonight okiex? i will go slow with you all=) dun worry la yeh?

going for night cycling on fri night...but meanwhile.. i feel like going to ubin to cycle if i can get the chance..anyone else interested let me know k. we organise a trip out one day.
sometimes..it's not that you dont want to reach out.. u just dont know how to. it's internalised.

been having trouble sleeping lately... used to be able to 一觉到天亮.. these days i have been flipping around at night and waking up way before my alarm goes off.. i feel tired. thanks to people especially for the past 2-3 nights..for accompanying me thru sms, msn.. it has been a tough time.
thanks ddd...
people walk into your life..some leave colourful footprints, some leave behind dirt prints.. no matter what kind of prints they leave behind, i believe something can be learn from each of them. as each person enter my life.. 我都希望他们能够留给我美好的回忆..but this does not apply all the time i know..
as i fight my own battle, i learn of people who will be around. i know of people who will let me have my space to think but just being a call or sms away. thanks and i appreciate it alot. thanks especially to people who are also fighting their own battle..know it isnt easy..*big hug* for all of you. As i lose myself into the stoned land at this moment.. i think of people who i would like to apologise to.. more often than not, one big mistake will overwrite whatever good things that have happened. forgive me if i never want to change things..or to allow them to go back to the way they used to be..
leave the good memories as they are, sometimes, there's no point trying to get things back, there's going to be more irritation and pain...
from young, i never very much liked the idea of sharing problems with anyone.. hate the idea of letting others see the tears.. the weakness sucks.. it has always been easier to appear cheerful.
i enjoy being by the sea. hear the waves wash against the shore.. place where i get to relax..think i am going to visit the beach soon...maybe some night soon..
take care all...love all of you=) cheers...as the going gets tough..

tired.. i think i need a break..

我感觉有点疲累。。。
什么也不想做了。。。
i know it has been disappointing.. i'm sorry.
sorry to those i left abruptly in the msn conversations...
tired. dont feel like talking...=/
this sian diao mood has not gone away.
the tears holding back...
pissed off with myself....
and the damn headache is not gone...

retail therapy today..alot of money spent..but then.. mood is still bad, temper is still soaring. damn it. so if i keep quiet, just leave me to be...its probably better that way. snapped at a couple of people on sat. sorry. irritated with myself. Argh. u know, what appears on the surface isnt always the way things are. take care people...*hugs.

i tossed and turned in bed last night. i couldnt fall asleep.
woke up with goldfish eyes this morning.
i could have been crying...
take care...

it's friday..usually i would have gone home on thursdays..but guess maybe from nw on i wouldnt.. heh. there's open house tml, another reason why i am not home yet. have to do some duties tml. *yawns* tired... started feeling unwell this morning..then it got worst through the day. went to jp to get a bank stamp..by the time i got back to room..kind of immediately kua on the bed...cold sweat, spinning head..irritated.
anyway, not sure if i ever mentioned..but then after getting my class3..thinking of going on to get a 2b, and ride on a xiao mian yang...heh. will see about that.. doubt my dad will agree with it, but yep.
dinner 'cut' my throat..swallowed this piece of meat with 'pointed edge'...argh. thought it might just go away..but it dint. high level of irritation..
sorry if i irritated anyone lately... i really dont mean to.

i know we are all fighting our little battle within...=( sigh.

wanted to do my tutorial..but feeling really tired..drained.. suddenly feeling emo. been in the sian diao mood since a couple of days back..that kinda burning sensation in the eyes, yet u dont know what's wrong. then yep, i had alot of chocs for the past few days..one way i use to destress. heh cos chocs make me happy! =x i dont know if the problem lies with me, but some things, i truly dont realise cos what i felt was insignificant could be taken as something so serious..
i duno if this is the correct path that i am taking now...but i probably wont know until something crops up. sigh. shall leave it here. ...to be continued.

it has been some time since i last blogged..busy with mse events, studying for quizzes..and heh! here to announce that i finally got my license..grinx. 8 points for going too slowly.. nvm..after my third try, i passed.. xing fen for a moment..+) happy. and quizzes are finally over for this moment.. spent the past few days studying...diligently..but still didnt do well. expected since past few days was probably not enough for 2008.. nvmm. over.. i should be happy! =D hee haaa!! well had many thoughts for the past few days but for nw.. let's forget about it.. =D alright, take care to all and to rmie..study for quiz la! heh take care ppl... muackzzzz dddddddd...=)