this prob be the last post this wk...hmm..end of our so-called recess le..hmmm...often when we reflect back on the past..it is only then that we learn about what we have lost...and then realise that we have done enough to appreciate the things around us. But as we all know, once some things are lost, they'd never return back to u.. no matter how much u try.
sigh...i miss those days us 04 girls had together..we used to do so many many things together but what has happened now..? saddened.
argh..also found out how often the circumstances around u lead u to so many roads and u dont know which way to go.. i dont know who i can listen or who i should listen too..
i dont know who i would want to talk to now...feeling down.. dont want history to repeat itself...me in bad mood talkin to others n end up spoiling relationships..sorry huh..i didnt mean it.. i know it takes alot for me to blow up but once i do..i noe i am hardly rational anymore...argh.
i duno wad to say le.='(
can anyone understand how i am feeling...?

realised i havent been blogging for a long long time... as usual, many many things happened..
been busy with so many so many stuff. well..its the holidays now, but as usual it hasnt been much of a holiday with so many quizzes after the break. here to blog about the many many things..
yeah indeed life is never fair. this is a fact and we all know it. there are things that cause u to be disappointed. but there are reasons some things are not told. I chose to believe that things will change, but time and again i was wrong. i dont always listen to what people say. i have my own judgement too alright...? It's just that u dont seem to realise that each time u say u wont do something anymore, more often than not u r doing it.. it's not one incident, 2 or 3.. u wont understand how it feels. You give people a certain degree of trust because they deserved it. I am heartless and not consider ppl's feelings. I dont say what happened for a certain reason. well..each and everyone of us are guilty of backstabbing to a certain extent...if you know me well enough, you'd know i dont like to speak my mind! ANd i wont do many things till i can not take it anymore. i have my limits too. blame me if u have to, but dont bring my other friends into the picture ok? dont assume who these 'others' are cos u never know they might jus be your closest friends. I dont believe because of what people say..dont make me sound as if i dun have a mind of my own and incapable of makin my own jugdement.things had to come to this point. u trust who u have to.
Okie..enough of that... not many happy stuff to blog about.. i seem to be at this stage of losing people whom i love..it hasnt changed but..haa.
something happy to blog about..i am now the proud owner of 3 very adorable hammies! lol.. trying my best to tame them as much as possible... lol...they nib hard for the 1st 2 days but seriously they are tamer le..squeak.. will be back to blog... it's a much easier way to let off heat...
cheers to all....

hi all! HAppY new yEar to all of u...yippie.. have a new blogskin liao..after some time.. well..basically i like it because of the music...canon in d..=) well..back from all the visiting and stuff le for today..going to do my tutorials after blogging... as usual as it has been for every yr.. beginning in the day would be a visit to the temple..tradition ba..then after that to my 大姑's hse.. then will be breakfast at MacDonald's..then finally everyone will gather at my 小姑's hse which is juz 2 blks away from my hse..and as usual we have this tradition of going to the movies every yr..today we decided on I Not Stupid too... it was a nice show..but really sad..
finally got what jason meant... it made me think back to the past..and even the present.. there was a time when i thought that i was useless.. maybe that hasnt changed much but prob it's cos i never tried to do anything abt it... why do we always wait for things to happen before doing anything..?
nvm.. it's CNY so every1 be happy..
there's a lot of things that are not beyond our control..so many times there are so many things tht u wana do but couldnt. sigh.. i want to let u know how i feel bt i juz couldnt.. it is happening right infront of me but it is out of my reach...
i believe we often do things that we did not mean to and we know it.. well i do not deny that i do but..argh...
so many so many lies... i'm jus afraid i cant keep it up anymore... one has led to more... n more...i want so many things... but i guess i'm not meant to have them...
heez wendy if u're reading this...u still know me so well... yes.. i stil keep everything in.. as usual... i knw there are ppl ard to share with but i just dont know hw to... yeh and as usual... i dun wana appear weak... yeh the heart is breakin but what can i do...? but dont worry k..cos i'm holding out just fine k..? the spirit is no longer there but in any case..the shell, my body is...
every1 is sayin life cant be tt bad..maybe... i just gota believe....

hmm..really quite some time since i last blogged le... schol just started i guess everything still rather unstable.. guess will be busy for the beginning with the hall production stuff.. but things will settle down soon i hope... haha... well.. took up 2 electives this sem. i hope its a good choice...since i took it up already... i'll do my best ba..

well...so many things happened lately..the good the bad..hmmm... yeah..
i realised that i am really a failure as to understand what ppl think..
as it goes i tihink i fare really badly in interpersonal communication..
maybe yes... it's just destined that i keep everything to myself.

some things wil never change...
some things there's probably no point in trying to get back to what it used to be
i cant clap alone...
if u dun wan it just let me know ba...
there's no point in forcing le..

horsieee...roars...
bite... u tke care k?
huggies...

let things be as they are...
easier said...
i will step away...

sigh...
fallen...
i dont want...i dont need...some way to deceive myself...
tke care

been a week since i last blogged i tink.. slightly more maybe? well.. Happy New Year to all..
As usual i didnt spend new year properly each year... somehw or other..it's always spoilt for me..maybe its meant to be... i blame no one...
but best wishes to all..a lousy beginning does not=poor ending..
i dont hope for much..just life to treat me properly...
argH...dont tink i can ever express myself well enough for ppl to understand..
i'll just let things be..mke it easier for everybody..
someone told me.. the uncherished would not be unappreciated forever...bear no hatred.
if its true..good..
the ppl ard me i love are leaving me one by one...
dont know what it means but...
thinking alot..urgh
maybe there're also things that i can never understand..
forget it..i'm too tired to look for answers...
sch reop[ened today..yeah...
my timetable is reasonable ba..
havent got confirmation of my electives as yet...
and yes...i've got a new roomie...and ooh..we were all wrong abt her nationality...
oopx...until she intro herself to me...
to all..jia you for this new sem k...?
cheers to all...

merry christmas everyone...cheers...
it has been a long time since i last blogged..

how many can really understand how i am feeling now...
though still standing..it's as if a pillar has fallen...
the structure is no longer stable..

argh..the feeling of lost has returned...
this time stronger...
i dont blame anyone..
just myself...

i'm so sorry for the so many inconveniences i have brought...
i dont want to cause anymore harm...
i'm sorry...
i know that time cannot turn back anymore...
the many questions remain unanswered...

dont worry though..
i am still fine...
i will go on...
you all will still see joanne as she is...
but....

sighs of relief heaved...
tears dropped..
smiles erased...
words whispered..
one issue so many different opinions...
different emotions...
mixed feelings...

i live on...
i will keep going..
be more fair to me...

been thinking..
since when was life ever fair?
did it even matter?

hope the path would be smoother from nw on..
all the best...

thanks for ur concern girl..
but seriously it wouldnt hv mattered
things over le so yeah
dont worry about me..
didnt tell you cos there's no pt..
u had such different views..
from the beginning till nw..
u hv spoken in 2 v diff tongues...

i dont understand..
but nvm..
hmmm...

belated thanks to all for ur birthday wishes..
hehe...in order? hah..
first to alvin..liping...ning ning..
wendy..guan siang..lishan..
andy..dao jian..zihao..
jasmine teo..tai chong..
xinwei...vivian..shaohao..
lih tyng..aylwin..yuhan..meng wee..
all these are mainly smses..
thanks to all...
then to wendy..taichong..sophia n peiyu for spending e day with me..
jas for turnin up to surprise me..
and then horsieee for dinner with me..
hmmm..also thanks for the 20th ya?
kingkong was good..carls junior was better..=)
fatal indulgence!!!thanks to all for makin my day(s).
to my collection 3 tees...one big big baby taz..test tube..
thanks....

cheers to all...tke care ba..

this is the colour of my mood nw ba.. argh...
it's over already
been dreading the arrival of this day..
but it has..
though the outcome was the most expected..
but i really really feel v..
i duno hw i'll get over it but dun wori i'll..
i chose to step into it and nw i leave with no regrets..
maybe it's those people up there ba.
my path was meant to go this wy...
='(
to u..move on ba..dun wori
i'll wish u all the best..really..
pls do tke care of urself...
u deserve e bez alright..?
pls continue to do what is right k?
i'm still here as a friend...hugs

i dun want to believe anymore..
it's just not meant to be..
feel so...
i just want to go away...

tke care...

hi all..long time since my last post..MIA for some time aredi so just decided to create another post as i cool dwn.. well well... last paper was a total stunner.. totally lost.. but nvm over for more than a week aredi..meanwhile trying to enjoy as much as i can.. hmm..started my first driving lesson already..quite an experience on monday morning.. 2nd time i tried to 'drive' a car..haha.. enjoyed e lesson hopefuli all goes well..
it's an irony reali an irony...guess i m reali lost for words? i mean in a way i nv expected things to turn out this way..ha.. some ppl just nv change... i told u cos i wanted so much to complain la.. nv expecting u to tell her...to YOU...what mkes u any different from her? i guessed as much already... that's why to all..be careful who u trust.. HAHA.
hmm...since there's nothing more u'd like to ask from me, jolly well...over here i wish u all the best in ur future endeavours..dont have to thank me for anything that i did... justy tke it that i didnt do it for u.. just doing it for myself..time we both got over it aredi ba...if u want to treat me like hw u used to, i'll br glad..o/rwise..reali glad that our paths crossed..tke good care alright.. cheers...
horsieeeeee..thanks for going to get the racket with me and abt the skirts..dun wori wil hv chance one ba....:P roars!! bite bite
to all enjoy ur holidays!!! =) cheers!

back at home..didnt bring my laptop back..brother is out for his exams.. for nus actualli to hv an exam on a saturday...amazing..my laz pp on mon.. materials science...hmmz.. still studying.. well...let's hope for the best then..=)
it's coming to the end of the exams already... i'm starting my driving lessons soon... yupz.. well.. hope all's well
sigh...
horsieee sori but....
to all tke care.
good luck for the exams...

one more paper to go...=) duno hw i'll fare for the rest of the papers but hopefully i dun have to see any more of them next sem...
i hv stopped believing after that phase in jc yr2..though things went on as usual..but deep in me, things were no longer the same...that particular day laz yr..she told me that there were ppl struggling more than me that if i gave up on myself..no one would be able to help me.. it took a long while before that fact sunk in.. e internal struggle at that period of time was something that really threw me deep down into the pits...slowly i made my way up..the climb was never ez.. a yr plus dwn the road...i'm walking..i'm on flat ground again w regards to this...i've gotten out of that pit. it was only this yr..that i started walkin away from that pit..i decided to leave behind that bag.. the climb became easier..and i got out... it took so long...that bag contained so much...but nw it's gone..
am thankful for the ppl who stood by me...thanks.. u opened my eyes to things... i saw who the true frens were..thanks..reali appreciate it..
it's ironic though hw some things are..
knowing things will never be the same again..
well...
deleted some comments from my blog...i guess it just wasnt appropriate. dont know what to say bt jus didnt feel like explainin why i did it...ya.. maybe i gv e person the wrong impression but nvtheless..
hmm..horsieee....hugs tight...=)
to all cheers....

hmm..i've a life science paper tml..so tryin to relax abit now..decided not to cramp anymore things into my already saturated brain..hehe..
actually am writing this with a very heavy heart...big sigh.. studies aside..well it's come to this point where i know what i want..but it has also become clearer to me that i cannot have what i want.. contradicting huh? but that's really how i feel ba...but even if it may turn out that i cannot have what i want...i shall have no regrets.. maybe it's fated..walk along..see where it brings us too...again if its meant to be, it'll be...horsieee..all these is to u..dont think so much le..hugs tight.. do what u need to ok..what u r responsible for k? remember i'm here with u...
we gain as we lose...well...study hard to all...
cheers..hugs...

actually the reality of it never struck me so hard before.. suddenly i realised hw minute the chances of it happening are..maybe i should have heeded advice in the first place..but that was too long ago.. am i beginning to turn into someone i said i wont..? many things are not predictable.. one day i may be infront of u but the next moment i may be gone.. realised that if i done open my heart out.. i'll only be putting lots of pressure on myself.. maybe it's all worth it, maybe it isnt.. but who can give me the answer..? keep things simple ba..it'll probably be easier for u.. i dont ask for much... just give me what u can and i'll be happy already..ok? horsieeee...hugs.

and i guess i've really lost u already...such closure i tink is what i have desired right..? maybe i really dun tell u things anymore.. think u have also decided to completely ignore me.. but that's fine as long as u r happy...unfortunately...but probably fortunately for u... all the best.. u tke care.. and sorry i can never be there anymore...

back into her own world she retreats...never intending to step out much anymore...she has nothing much left out there anyway...living the way that's best for her..away from the daylight..be who she is.. hidden..(to U..thanks 4 being such a great fren..to share w..cheers..)

to all cheers..tke care of yourselves... good luck for remaining papers...

argh...examz r tml.. i hv 2 papers tml... having dinner nw... all alone in hall... my paper starts e earliest... sad huh? haha.. eating all by myself... sigh... e anxiety is here again!!! help!!!!
i didit again...
sorry.... horsieee..hugs tight.
growing...w e a k e r...
n 2 u..i hope u'd stop mking me feel so lowly
wad u wana say..i dun wana argue anymore...
at leat nw u know hw it felt like in e pst..nt knowin anything...
dun have 2 repeat over n over de...
k..time 2 study...jia you...

hi..it's me again..just gett9 away from my notes for awhile.. yet again some thoughts came into my mind.. sigh..
can u tell me how many times u have lied to me..?
im no angel... never one...
i'm beginning to feel selfish...
i dont want to share anymore...
i can almost tolerate no more..
i probably deserved it...
: : suddenly i'm all alone: :
i kept my promise.. but i'm feeling terrible..
can't u just set me free from all these...
argh.. u never really understood how i felt..
maybe it's not ur fault cos i nv told u..
i dun want to hurt...
sigh...
: : horsieee...hugs on2 u: :
well..should get back to my studying..
tke care to all... see u all again...cheers..

just came back from class..no lessons tml...yippie.. i've no lessons tml but my exams start next week like on wednesday.. sigh.. then realised no way i could scrape thru my environmental quality w/o studying for it.. hahaha... oopz. hmmx..
physics quiz was ok for today.. yup..nothing much.. think they trying to make everyone pass ba..
horsieee is not ard.. sigh..
exams..arghhhhhhhhh!!

hi..it's raining out there, feeling cold..sigh... some thoughts..
can u understand how i am feeling?
why i am doing all these?
i cant tell u the reason why,
but i want u to be happy..
forgive me....='(
sorry..really...
tke care to all...

learn to live with it or suffer.. something i learn.. there's a limit to my tolerance.mind u pls dun push ur luck too far..i dun intend to let things turn ugly..sigh.. having dinner.. maggie.. something simple for a change...tke care to all.. burning inside................ arGH!!!

hi to all..long time since i last blogged eh... supposed to be sleepin already but somehw or rather, cant get to sleep again.. sigh.. stressed up..exams comin and i'm still struggling with my tutorials.. big big sigh... tired..duno.. sometimes just feel so hopeless.. just dont wanna do anything anymore..sigh...
something on e positive note..spent time on sat with the 04 ppl...celebrated lishan's birthday.. romantic thing jianhao did for her.. heehee... hmmm.. then sunday was yet another special day..=) cheers horsieeee! hehe..hugs and thanks...for the wonderful time...grinx...
well.. some things happen when u least expect it.. u never know... sigh.. did it mean something else? it's broken..sigh... =(
another chapter..another phase... seriously do i mind... i dont... i really dont.. tke care to all ya..? hmm..2 that particular u... it is but a small distance...it's not a factor as long as u can overcome it...

jo signs off...feeling totally hopeless... someone...help...

hi..sometimes u just cant help it but get so irritated... argh..sigh.. duno wad's wrong with this world where nothing goes as expected..shouldnt have returned hm this wkend..bt like wad i said.didnt expect things to be like tt... fine..u all can tke it that i'm unfeeling..go ahead. i just dont know how to face things.suckz man.
came hm happily but now already feel so lost...well... whatever...
as it goes...happiness does not belong...
need motivation to do wk..my exams are coming...

hi all...i'm back...well..it's taking a toll on me.. decided to just..let it go...why make life so difficult for oneself...thanks horsy...i'll be fine... cooled it already..dont know what i'd do w/o u by my side.. hugs..
this thing has gone on for so long already...no point..really dont deserve to be so upset by all these. well..forgive n live by it..what can i do..? sigh..nothing can be done anywy..though damage has been done..so whaT? cheers...
wei horsy... just a short note to u..dont always give in to me alright..? when i go overboard let me know..cause u dun deserve all these nonsense from me alright? you ah...dun let me become so ba4 dao4 ok...sorry...hugs tight...thx for understanding...
and da ge ya..da ge..ya. i'll let it be dont worry. u tke care..
to all..cheers n take care....