hi again...
lol..been very busy lazy but here after dinner to blog abit.
hmmm.. kind of confused nw..
dont know where all these are heading towards..
sigh..why cant things be made simpler for everyone..
i realised that some people who are constantly around you arent the people whom u really share things with. nvm..just a random thought..
i was chatting online with this fren of mine.. was saying that some things are better left unexpressed. thats hw i honestly feel. but then my fren was saying, even if u dont know how to express, jus say something, at least ppl know you have something to say. well..
some more hall activities here and there.. but i wont be as busy w these activities anymore..

people walk in and out of ur life...
even though many claim they stay,
only few remain..
suddenly things dont look as bright anymore..
i feel tired...
at the beginning of the semester.
i cant be as strong as who i want to be, claim to be.
i'm not as fine as i thought i am..
the mask is not holding up for much longer.
sigh..
perhaps, i need a little help..

hee to all cheers..
tke care.
long day tml...
sigh...
(-_-)

yeh school has started for about 2 weeks already. so far so good but that's cos only maths tut has started...argh!!! help help when most tuts start next week.
going for hall bash tonight..but having lesson later from 530-730 1st.. blogging before that.
hmm.. here to declare... i love my new roomie....hehe.. introducing huiping. lol.. actually was hoping that i got a singaporean roomie and yes! i did! =P and we dont ignore each other like my previous rmie. =)
hmm. ya.. that's abt all in my life at the moment..
i think there are some things that are better left unexpressed. probably what xinyi said was right. just got to be more vicious..? well..
and oh guan siang, if u happen to be reading this..just wanna say u r amazingly li hai. i was like thinking 'whoa...' anyway. thanks and cheers to you...
to all.. tke care to all..and see you around.

and since it is national day i shall use red for this entry. today 9th august marks singapore's national day. it also marks another special day..it has been a yr. for nw things are on a hold. i havent decided. maybe i am being selfish and dont know what i want at this point in time? sorry for all the trouble that i've given to either of u.
school has started..yesh with a big sigh...feeling kind of stress. ya upon realisation that we're competing against the really smart people reali mkes me feel that i'm like helping them to mark the bottom..but not to worry i'd jia you..=) i'm quite happy with my timetable cos it kind of gives me time when i think i need. erm chim but true.
kind of miss all my girlfrens esp the jc gers.. but yep i'd be seeing ningning twice a wk frm next wk onwards. grinx. time flies..
to all tke care n rmb to miss joanne=)

hi everyone..missed me? yeh hall camp starts this week. and yesh! this bunch of simpsons freshies seem to be full of energy! let's hope for the best. in any case, it's going to be a week of fun! =D
some things are not going too smoothly for me. It has been heartbreaking. Right now at this moment, i am feeling really confused. i have let known that at this time, what i want is to be alone. i am unable to commit fully to what i wish to have so rather than being unfair, why not just let me be? i dont want to be selfish n let u wait. -hugs-
it hasnt been an easy decision, really. I am too tired..probably lost along the way. i am truly sorry if i've hurt anyone.
to kb. haa dont think you'd get to see this la..but then just want to say that, sometimes i reali agree that the truth hurts, but then again, sometimes, lies do help for certain reasons, despite the risk factor. whatever it is, u cheer up alright? anything, i am nearby. =) do tke care too.
hmm, i would be back with more updates! tke care people...
hugs..

hello ppl, some time since i last blogged..sorry about that... just came back from sce-mse foc.. though tired, i had fun..seriously.. seems like there are many things happening in my life of late.. i guess right now, i just need to be alone... time off to myself... really cant tke it anymore.. sigh.. last week of work liao..school reopening soon..and all time will go to my studies..tke care...

sometimes i just hope i can be alone.. and stop causing hurt to those i love.
maybe i should, and step away from all...
and be free all by myself...
i am just another simple person...
who wants to live happily.
allow me to....

hmmm..still sick..still had fever this morning but it went down already..=P other than the non-stop coughing, i think things are still fine. haaha. well.did subject registration today. was really a case of fastest fingers first. teck hou told me just add the core first but stubborn me added everything so in the end couldnt register for one of the slots that i wanted. but lucky other than that things still relatively find. Phew* it was all over in 2 minutes.so it was seriously a case of either u get it or u dont. Decided on group A subjects. didnt particularly plan it with anyone so i hope i wont be alone too much lor..but fortunately AERO peeps taking grp A so will still have my OG people to accompany me for lectures..hee.=P
somehw feel that some things have changed. what can i say. i think its natural reaction on some part ba. i guess some people dont really appreciate things until they know they're about to lose it.
horsieee...i wan u to be happy alright...dont think so much liao and i hope i am not affecting u too much. block out what u dun feel like hearing ok? huggiex..jus remember the promises we made and keep by it k? whatever happens...
BIte..to that someone who stepped into my life recently...dont be held back by ur past k? do what u feel is most comfortable for urself k? =P
think i'd be going back to work tml.. feels so piggish staying home and sleeping after eating med each time..
i wanna get well soon...
heeex.

i decided to tke the previous post away..horsieee pls dun be mistaken k? remember the promises made k? things wil still be the wy it used to be alright. gou gou shou zi. =P
having high fever nw..saw the doc..finally.. thanks for the companion..hugs... fortunately u were ard to force me there...haha
some things happened recently..but i guess it may be going abit too fast... i hope it'd slow down and let me learn more things. haha...
seniors hall camp yest and the day before..quite fun also..=P but then kinda gross for certain stuff.. well...
to all take care...

im the stupid one...maybe u r right but have u ever thought how i felt the other time? when u decided to keep it from me and the reason why u never told me? maybe i was the petty one. but does it even matter to you?

anyway i went shopping today!! thanks my tazzieee for accomanying me... yehhhooo.. haha. bought few skirts and shirts n few other stuff..eh hem..haha..so jojo is a happy girl today...but today...=)

eh yes i agree....as long as i know what i want in future...things dont matter as much and i can let them go slow..not hurrying to put all things out...yeh..

anyway yest after 1/2 day work met 04.. had lunch then went over to leemin's hse.. yehhh we are cranky ppl...hahaaa.. had much fun with the girls though we didnt really interact with the guys but overall..it was nice meeting them again. sad thing was that i was really tired and decided to leave for home early...

work again tomorrow...hmmm... callers pls be nice to me...hehehe...cheers.

Went to work at tampines cpf call centre today..it was kind of different..haha. compared to that 5 months i was working at counter last yr..call centre environment here was a different kind of experience..saw a few familiar figures...
chocolates have become part of me again these couple of days.. i always feel that chocs cheer me up..so pardon me from eating so much cos i couldnt find other ways to cheer myself up and i guess this is also the cheaper option compared to the other of cutting hair...i am growing fat again.
have decided to stay on the job provided they want me till i need to return back to school for my FOC stuff...
-sigh-

可惜现在面前一片黑暗。
我无法从新站起来。

it's been some time. well..been at work for about 3 weeks already... complaints jus increases each day..but this is all part of work i guess. it's draining to work in this industry. hardly think i can last long at all..
some news to share. i failed my driving pract. passed my exams though seriously not good enough and also got a place back in hall 1 and its my previous room. other than that my life has been revolving around work work and more work. have been very very tired each day after work. cant bring myself to do many things. like i totally lost energy. sigh.
kind of lost..dont know where i am heading towards... have only myself to blame for putting myself through all these pains. i know there are some things that i really cannot handle alone yet i can turn to no one. u know the feeling of being exasperated? i painted a picture in my mind. but no one sees it. i predicted the ending but i am still hanging on to that thin string. i do not want to let go but i do not have a choice. but who's going to give myself this chance to let go other than myself?
you may be surprised to hear but there hasnt been a conclusion. i admit it. i want to give myself a chance but i simply cant bear to let go.
been thinking so much about it again lately. but i can turn to no one...sorry....

what lies beneath the calm surface may just be an act put up...
our lives begin to end the day we keep silent about things that matter to us.

it has been some time since i last blogged. many things happened but didnt have much time to blog(excuse) haahaha..got a job back at CPF. this time in call centre. shall not go on about the stupid unreasonable people cos i remember doing that last yr..haha.. well, new people...new phone system...new project.. had a few outings here and there but mainly life now resolves around work. always so tired after work. having to travel to and fro from tanjung pagar each day hasnt been easy.travel expenses have been high as well.. sigh...
most importantly, my driving test is around the corner, and expenses+++... well..i do hope that i pass on my 1st try...so no need to spend more money...=) prays hard for me. wish me the best of luck okie? yeh...
sigh..duno wad to say le.
so many thoughts yet so little chance to talk.
i duno how to either...
Sigh.
tke care.

today i went to recruit express for an interview.. i think my travelling time was longer than the interview time. It was similar to what happened at adecco previously..havent been offered any jobs yet. Well shall wait..wanted to meet someone for lunch but didnt go in the end. i dont know..maybe because i'm still far far away. U didnt do wad u said u'd..haiz..i cant 'come back' on my own..i need help alright...?
hmm..many things to say...but just dont know how to go about doing so...it has been like that...for ages..yet some things just dont change rightz?
couple of years back..a promised was made...today i would like to apologise to that particular person to whom i made it to. i am sorry, for i find myself unable to keep it any longer. i cannot be who i used to be anymore and cannot do what i used to do anymore. i will let you know in due time ba. even if so, i would like to say stay happy alright...cheers.
Well..i was reading back some of the archives. yeah i think i havent changed many things i wanted to, couldnt do many things i said i wanted to do..so i think that explains why my life remain at its low point. maybe i just couldnt see things from a brighter point of view. but that's me.

i want to get out but would u help me out...
by letting me go...

wanted to try a new blogskin so here goes...i like it.
yeah..holidays have started. i am now searching for a job...hopefully i find one soon. i want to get away from all the things that are going on in my mind.
to this friend.. i dont know if u still read my blog cos u dont have a com at home... well..but i really dont know how to do it. i can only think of 'going away'...i'm sorry but i dont seem to be able to grasp on much le..right now i dont know what would happen..i told u i would look you up again after i 'come back'..but i dont know how long it'd take..so if u do see this..i want to just ask you to take care of yourself alright...and i am glad you were around.Cheers.

i miss the sea..

what you all see is just surface...
below it the currents are strong..
and even the fish find it difficult to live on.

the exams are over..at long last... i've been waiting for so long...this time round i have started studying much earlier than the previous semester but sad to say i am quite disappointed in myself. but yet again what can i say right?i started watching this korean drama my girl this afternoon, and am intending to finish it tonight. hopefully i can stay awake..i spent the whole morning packing the stuff in my room..yes i m moving out of hall tomorrow afternoon...i have many many bags of things and hopefully everything fits into the car. After shifting out of hall, i guess many things will change in the next few months. well...put it this way after the exams ended it was like a big stone lifted but yes there is another stone there to be lifted...
there is something that has been bugging me... and i guess i am going to try settle it in the coming weeks. i dont intend to seek the truth or try to think of other alternatives... honestly yes i am hurt. hurt by myself...hurt by others...sigh...yes its going to be a painful decision but the further on it drags, it'll jus going to do more damage. ouch. sometimes i really do not understand why i have to go through this alone. but i will be strong...i will go 'far far away' until i am ready to come back...till then wish me all the best..
my hammie gave birth yesterday..till now there are 2 live hammies..something which i am pretty proud of..cos the previous pregnancies of both my female hammies did not go through very well.. sigh..haha but hopefully the 2 young ones survive through...my dear hammies are a joy to have and i am very glad to have them with me though they nib like nobody's business...but yes i still love them all...
many many things i intend to do in this holiday..hopefully things go as expected. people walk in and out of your life...it's just a normal cycle...i have to accept it.. i will try to accept it.
take care all and enjoy the holidays! hugs....

dear ppl it has been awhile since i last blogged... but i will be back after exams...with a new skin and ya...just wanna wish all of u good luck for the exams...yeah...cheers to all...
life is a road...with turns here and there... if u go straight...u might just not reach ur destination... so i am going to start looking around...
good luck ppl!

well..sigh...u have your informers..u see what i mean? there are always people telling you things? and you see you also chose to believe what they had to say..why do you always think that my nick is referring to you? arent you assuming too? you know how much it affected me that night we spoke. well..i hope u understand why then that i did not get back to you. i havent discovered what a person you are. i know if i continued talking to you, you'd still be telling me the same thing. girl..let's just stop it here. this is dragging too much and getting too many people involved already. ok..i was the one who started talking about it so just take it as my fault alright? No point in trying to say who's right and who's wrong anymore... let nature takes its course. why do you say that i chose to believe all but you...well...i dont want to say anymore..then let's just discover ourselves ba ok? u take care too.
enough about this...
many things happened...i dont want more things to happen... will just keep it all...lesser people knowing about your stuff..less trouble.
whatever...i shall say no more..
horsieeeee....bite..so sianified...complain!!!hahaa...
to all take care..

this prob be the last post this wk...hmm..end of our so-called recess le..hmmm...often when we reflect back on the past..it is only then that we learn about what we have lost...and then realise that we have done enough to appreciate the things around us. But as we all know, once some things are lost, they'd never return back to u.. no matter how much u try.
sigh...i miss those days us 04 girls had together..we used to do so many many things together but what has happened now..? saddened.
argh..also found out how often the circumstances around u lead u to so many roads and u dont know which way to go.. i dont know who i can listen or who i should listen too..
i dont know who i would want to talk to now...feeling down.. dont want history to repeat itself...me in bad mood talkin to others n end up spoiling relationships..sorry huh..i didnt mean it.. i know it takes alot for me to blow up but once i do..i noe i am hardly rational anymore...argh.
i duno wad to say le.='(
can anyone understand how i am feeling...?

realised i havent been blogging for a long long time... as usual, many many things happened..
been busy with so many so many stuff. well..its the holidays now, but as usual it hasnt been much of a holiday with so many quizzes after the break. here to blog about the many many things..
yeah indeed life is never fair. this is a fact and we all know it. there are things that cause u to be disappointed. but there are reasons some things are not told. I chose to believe that things will change, but time and again i was wrong. i dont always listen to what people say. i have my own judgement too alright...? It's just that u dont seem to realise that each time u say u wont do something anymore, more often than not u r doing it.. it's not one incident, 2 or 3.. u wont understand how it feels. You give people a certain degree of trust because they deserved it. I am heartless and not consider ppl's feelings. I dont say what happened for a certain reason. well..each and everyone of us are guilty of backstabbing to a certain extent...if you know me well enough, you'd know i dont like to speak my mind! ANd i wont do many things till i can not take it anymore. i have my limits too. blame me if u have to, but dont bring my other friends into the picture ok? dont assume who these 'others' are cos u never know they might jus be your closest friends. I dont believe because of what people say..dont make me sound as if i dun have a mind of my own and incapable of makin my own jugdement.things had to come to this point. u trust who u have to.
Okie..enough of that... not many happy stuff to blog about.. i seem to be at this stage of losing people whom i love..it hasnt changed but..haa.
something happy to blog about..i am now the proud owner of 3 very adorable hammies! lol.. trying my best to tame them as much as possible... lol...they nib hard for the 1st 2 days but seriously they are tamer le..squeak.. will be back to blog... it's a much easier way to let off heat...
cheers to all....

hi all! HAppY new yEar to all of u...yippie.. have a new blogskin liao..after some time.. well..basically i like it because of the music...canon in d..=) well..back from all the visiting and stuff le for today..going to do my tutorials after blogging... as usual as it has been for every yr.. beginning in the day would be a visit to the temple..tradition ba..then after that to my 大姑's hse.. then will be breakfast at MacDonald's..then finally everyone will gather at my 小姑's hse which is juz 2 blks away from my hse..and as usual we have this tradition of going to the movies every yr..today we decided on I Not Stupid too... it was a nice show..but really sad..
finally got what jason meant... it made me think back to the past..and even the present.. there was a time when i thought that i was useless.. maybe that hasnt changed much but prob it's cos i never tried to do anything abt it... why do we always wait for things to happen before doing anything..?
nvm.. it's CNY so every1 be happy..
there's a lot of things that are not beyond our control..so many times there are so many things tht u wana do but couldnt. sigh.. i want to let u know how i feel bt i juz couldnt.. it is happening right infront of me but it is out of my reach...
i believe we often do things that we did not mean to and we know it.. well i do not deny that i do but..argh...
so many so many lies... i'm jus afraid i cant keep it up anymore... one has led to more... n more...i want so many things... but i guess i'm not meant to have them...
heez wendy if u're reading this...u still know me so well... yes.. i stil keep everything in.. as usual... i knw there are ppl ard to share with but i just dont know hw to... yeh and as usual... i dun wana appear weak... yeh the heart is breakin but what can i do...? but dont worry k..cos i'm holding out just fine k..? the spirit is no longer there but in any case..the shell, my body is...
every1 is sayin life cant be tt bad..maybe... i just gota believe....