alone at home.. nobody else is here.. have been in my room e whole day now... now that no one is home taking this opportunity to use the com.. it has been some time since i let go of my frustrations like that.. allowing the tears to flow so freely.. suddenly i realise i'm not ok.. argh.. know i have been hiding everything else to myself.. each time i met customers and became uptight.. i thought it was due to the customers..never have i thought the reason was much deeper.. haiz.. nvm ba.. will just try to ignore all these by being more invloved with work.. suckz.

claz dinner yest..it was ok.. nothing much to comment about.. ok. tired.. shall grab more sleep.. at least it'll stop me from thinking too much for a while.. take care..

heyx.. here i am blogging again.. very very tired..it has come to almost two weeks at cpf tmo already..and it has been two months since i started work at cpf.. am thankful for this job la.. after next monday..riane and siao hui will be leaving for IRAS.. then Jasmine doing it till the end of the week.. geex.. then they requesting for manpower from the main branch.. dont know who will be coming over though.. doubt it'll be from the counters.. so will be meeting more new people ba.. i've begun to do recording at tmo.. haz.. back at main where recording was concerned.. we only did for WDL and RSD..now it's everything!!! my u can spend more than half a day doing recording lo.. haz. i'm beginning to cope w the new changes already.. there's always constant reminders that here we cannot afford to be what we were like at the main.. from opening chq box to tying up singpass forms.. it depends on the temps.. think the officers have started to warm up with us too.. so it's good i suppose..
nuff said about work.. there'll be class reunion dinner tml.. marina bay..steamboat i suppose..? shall see.. hmmx.. saw something on the bus on my way to work today.. sigh.. if only things could be like before.. how much i wish for it not to be such a dream.. it has been more than a year already..it began simple and yet it chose to grow.. sigh.. how much i wish for myself to be in that position but i dont think it's ever going to happen.. unlikely ba.. sigh.. i started to think about what happened before and tears began to form.. sad.. but nvm... when wil that moment come for me again..?even for something that simple..irregardless of the meaning..? how long do i have to wait..? maybe it's not a time to think about this now.. ha.. but it's a choice i've made and it'll stay.. the so called roles will just have to change.. some facts i will never learn.. i will just ignore..
if only i was the one... if only...

harloe..it has come to the end of the week.. or rather beginning..? Sunday has always been known as the beginning..? hmmx.. nevermind la.. basically i've been at cpf tampines for 6 days already.. it's still very unlike at the main but i have to get used to it right...? sigh.. must get used to the attitude of others and at the same time make sure i do not get influenced ba.. one of my supervisors at tampines commented that i'm very serious..? is that not good..? i have been like that at the main and i dont intend to change.. this week i've met many members who made me really pissed... already not enjoying myself a lot yet i still have to face up with them.. well..e customers are always right..
Life has been rotating around work and home.. i've been eating alot this week.. in the night la.. when i'm home and think about the unhappiness at work.. i'll just eat more and more chocolates..? they always say that chocolates works wonders to one's mood.. i agree.. haz. suan la..
Class gathering at leemin's house yesterday.. thanks for the buffet dinner ya? four+one guys came.. haz.. that one is jason la.. many of the guys are out in the wild this week... haz.. take care of yourselves lo.. hmmx.. was happy to be able to see the class again.. yalor..
One often ponder upon what is best for oneself... but time and again the circumstances always seem to act against what u wish to do.. haz... well.. when i finally did.. a great sense of relief fell upon me.. yup yup..
well well.. think results probably out in 2 weeks.. hope all goes well.. ok.. to all.. take care..

it has become such a dread and argh..it just suckz.. haiz.. where is everybody? i know i'm not the only grumpy one around.. but i'm already putting up a front.. u may ask why i stay on despite these unhappiness.. many reasons lie within.. one reason i want to prove what substance we have..what we have gained from the main office.. and also how would we know what situations we'll meet if we change jobs..? another reason..i dont wanna share.. geex. know what..? everything here is just so fake.. i dont know what goes on in the minds of those people around me..? i cant even be my normal self anymore.. this suckz... ARgh.. must be happy w what i do..but how..? will learn.. will learn.. geex.. and suddenly..where is everyone when i want to speak to someone..? :'(

geex..only second day and i'm traumatised by a customer.. i know u want to make ur point through..but mind u keep ur hands off me!! i thought it was all my imagination but it did not happen once twice or three times! it happened 4 times! sick man.. indeed life at the branch is totally unexpected.. it's a totally different culture..this has been so saddening.. the level of 'slackness' over there.. the sense of urgeny..what's this man!? i shouldnt be comparing but argh.. it's only the second day and each day i'm counting down to the end of day? haiz.. will have to get over it.. the main branch spirit stays with me and yuen shin and we both know that no matter what happens.. they'll be supporting us all the way.. geex.
i just read something.. haiz.. i now i'm nt the only one but.. suan le la.. let nature's take its course.. well... take care ppl.. i miss u all...

heyx all..Happy New Year to all.. to begin with..the week didnt begin very well.. firstly.. i was still down with flu and and started coughing since last friday? last friday was also the last day for gerald jacklin and huipeng.. hmmx.. ok then went to work on monday and had half day for tueday.. first day of new year watched seoul raiders with 3 cousins and my little brother.. then rotted the rest of the day away.. second day wasnt any better.. read at home la.. haz.whole day? ya.. then it was back to work.. on friday.. end of the day we had debrief.. could see it wasnt going to be very good news la.. well.. main office needed 2 persons to be transferred to tampines branch and another one to leave.. so basically yuen shin volunteered since she lived in tampines.. then i decided that since others were leaving kind of at the other end.. i'd go over la.. so yesterday was the last day at the main branch for me.. sigh..everything happened at such a rate.. it's time to learn to adapt ba.. we all leaving already..it's very sad.. wrote a short note for my colleagues.. Yati talked to me before i left.. Hendra shook my hand before he left.. suddenly all my memories at the main branch just overtook me..? hmmz..what to say? I'm thankful for the ERS 'family'..thanks to you people.. i'll miss all of you... Now there will only be 6 more ppl at the counters.. well.. on a more +ve note.. i'll get to work in a different environment..? get to meet more ppl.. hahaz. Ok.. shall see what happens tomorrow lo.. anyway.. Happy Valentine's Day to all.. hahaz.. Rather it should be Happy Friendship Day.. yeah.. I had a great day today.. simple yet very much comforting.. ok to all..take care.. till then. HUgz..

quite sometime since i last blogged? ok la.. 4 days now is considered quite a long time i guess..? well well.. life's been hectic? maybe.. hasnt been the way i expected la.. someone once told me.. "all my worries, i leave it to God. I deal with what i can handle, anything else the Lord gives me a hand. And also once u face the reality that life is never fair, u dont get disappointed as often." hmm..thanks for sharing sound advice..i appreciate it lots.. well.. as we begin to taste working life..we begin to appreciate the simple pleasures of sleeping in on Sundays..ha.. i guess soon it'll be time for me to take a break and then find something new.. sigh..
Right now..i'm in a dilemma.. i've no idea which way i should be headed for.. i've no idea what i want.. just living day by day.. why does it seem i'm only noticed when favours are needed..? sometimes it pains me just to be at home and noticing the things that are happening.. sometimes i sit there wondering if there's anything that i can do.. argh. even worst are the times i sit there and get shouted at just cos someone is not haPpy.. so what did i do to deserve all these? I'm trying my best to understand things..yet time and again i'm faced with different situations i have no idea what to believe..geex.
ok..shall stop.. no point going on.. chinese new year just around the corner.. to all Chinese, HappY New Year! Gong Xi Fa Cai! Xin Nian Kuai Le.. take care..take care...

ever lost something suddenly and told yourself that u could have done nothing more..? and that u moved on.. cheers..i admire all those who did.. i agree it's the stand to take about whether to let stuff bother u or not.. eh.. full of crap. think time at cpf is really running out.. i think it's time to leave.. take a break and find something new..? yeah. suddenly all seems to be coming back at me.. geex.. i dont know take care.