hi all...i'm back...well..it's taking a toll on me.. decided to just..let it go...why make life so difficult for oneself...thanks horsy...i'll be fine... cooled it already..dont know what i'd do w/o u by my side.. hugs..
this thing has gone on for so long already...no point..really dont deserve to be so upset by all these. well..forgive n live by it..what can i do..? sigh..nothing can be done anywy..though damage has been done..so whaT? cheers...
wei horsy... just a short note to u..dont always give in to me alright..? when i go overboard let me know..cause u dun deserve all these nonsense from me alright? you ah...dun let me become so ba4 dao4 ok...sorry...hugs tight...thx for understanding...
and da ge ya..da ge..ya. i'll let it be dont worry. u tke care..
to all..cheers n take care....

just go away...i'm pissed off nw..realli reali down...damn...

ha..dumbest person u can find around here..--> me...
had a class outing today..went to changi airport to play badminton with 04/03..havent seen them 4 a long time. hahaha..one of the largest turn out ever...all the girls were present..then guys included zhaoyi, zitong, shili, jianhao, weijian, fengfu, daojian, yadong, brian...well...it's prob be last class gathering i'm attending...dont ask me y... ppl..take care..
totally disappointed..utterly upset... am i such a lowly person... do i deserve all these...damn damn damn! yes...i'm always the one causing all these huh...no one's fault..it's mine huh...yes. i'm the sacarstic one. i'm the one who doesnt bother anymore. yes. i'll take everything. i'm not upset. this doesnt affect me at all..nothing has happened...! indeed. i never bothered..i never tried. i'm the useless one. it's a right choice u make nt to remain in my life. all i cause is trouble. i dun need things to change 360 degrees... i'm cold blooded.................... damnnnnnn.

haiz..yes..i am the unreasonable one.. i'm no different. i'm sorry. maybe i really dont deserve it at all.. arGH.....jo! stop it.

finally got back home.. using the com at long last. ha..been at hostel the past week n didnt bring my laptop back so didnt manage to use much la.. yup.here i am now blogging..this week has been an eventful one...but it's coming to the end of mid-term break already..having two quizzes next week..sigh..okie.. mon i went tm mac to study.. quite conducive also..wed thurs n fri had stuff in sch..oh well.. dunno wad2say..maybe punctuality doest count in ntu...lol..

well..so much has been thru my mind..sorry horsy....thinking alot..guess it was scary to react in that way but..sigh..i almost snapped..hope u understand that i have my reasons 4 doing so.. i'm sorry. well...forgive me i hope but if u dun..i'll nv blame u..i'm e 1 who caused things 2 become like this...sorry..

it was terrible..nv felt this bad before...was looking for ppl but every1 seemed away on that day.. in the end ended up with me alone in the room..by myself.. thoughts flowing..didnt catch a wink.. wondered if what i did was right. sorry... i just needed to be sure. i blame myself for so many things that has happened.. i know u understand..i'm sorry 4 making things so difficult...ARgH...just want u to be fine that's what most impt. do tke care.. hugs tight.

to all...tke care yaya..? good luck to those having quizzes...cheers...

it's sunday..beginning of the mid-term break. did my maths tutorials over today.. great achievement. long time since i did so much work at one go.. ought to feel guilty abt it huh. well.. did catch a few shows on tv here and there..ya..

dun feel good.. thinking again...the realities in life.. never know what is behind that wall..never know what lies ahead for u. sorry. sometimes..it's good to be pessimistic..at least u dun be blinded by stuff which arent true right..irritating that each time u try to be positive u just get dragged down.well that's life. nothing much u can do abt it..

sighhhhhh... if only...

to all take care...

latest picture of me after my haircut..new colour also but not exactly very obvious..well..hmmm.. anyway...was wnedy's bdae yesterday.. happy birthday roomie.. :) and i was innocently ponded together with wenz peiyu n sophia.. so e four of us toilet mates got thrown in together. shall spare the disgusting details...lol...and...most importantly yesterday was the first month..it was a quiet but joyous occasion.. :) thanks for everything...

it's the term break at long last... yeahhoo.. must catch up with my work.. many things to do as well..meetings and stuff...ya. went to kbox at marina square with shan, liping, min ,sab today..ok la...didnt realli sing much compared to the rest of them..hehehe...but more than usual le...

well...truly said.. if u do back to others what they do on u how different are u from them? haiz...nvm. whatever..to all take care...

hi to all..late in the night.. i have my life science and management with humour CAs tml but just realli cant get to sleep..horsy..sorry..i promised to call if i couldnt get to sleep but i didnt want to disturb u.. sorry about that..cos i know u're tired.. hugs tight.. mind saturated already so didnt want to continue... so shall blog abit then go bac and attempt to sleep again...

was having this talk with my roomie and toilet mates..then suddenly wondered to myself.. should i just back out of all these activities..? concentrate and leave everything else behind...i dont know.. haiz... forget it.. should just keep this all to myself. why bother...?

let nature take its course...see u all..take care..wish me good luck... CAs and my mse announcement....

hi to all...tking a quick break then back to studying.. i have my life sciences, managment with humour quiz coming up tml... haiz.. stressed up again..v hard to ask me to relax..when e panic comes, it just comes...never been able to control it for a long time already...one week has just passed already.. beginning to think if i should really give up trying to keep my place in the hall. should just forget abt getting enough points to stay huh. just got into school's publicity sub com but already thinkin of backing out. such indecisiveness...

losing oneself.. what abt it..that's what u get when life starts to turn its head away from u.. and the constant headache starts to haunt u again.. hardly any consolation to speak of.. thanks for those still here with me..

to leemin... haha..guess the impact wasnt e same when u read it..but it probably hit me hard cos i never expected this to be what would be done ma.. but i have made one great mistake and i have learnt alot from it.. haha. like it goes a leopard never changes its spots.

to that particular GIRL.. i think u know who are... it has been a mistake to let u in into so much. i am sorry to say but i regret my actions. thought i could put my trust in u but i guess i was wrong. very wrong.. i dont need ur pity..dont assume u know everything cos u dont anymore. and pls stop it..stop all nonsense from going around will U? cant u just speak what is true and stop spreading crap..do u know how miserable u are making those 'involved'? dont try to know everything.. i'm sorry u have to read it here. u know i wont talk it face to face with u. sorry i have to hurt u this way but i cannot take it anymore... back in those days and now...you nv changed... just wishing u the best in ur life nw..

hmmm... raining heavily outside nw.. going back to hall tonight.. meanwhile just like to mention that school has been fine.. yupx. other then the increasing workload.. recess coming up but the CAs will be here as well..geez..

ok to all tke care...cheers..

--simplicity--

someone said something online to me..it brought me to tears... i wasnt there to read it when it was posted but the impact was even greater.. cos all these times.. i never knew... i really never. argh...why hold back what i wanted to do all along? until things changed i was sure that i wanted to save that very first for you..but it was not to be anymore... tke care...

once again... think9 back to the old me.. the one in sec sch... no chance to be the same anymore.. i dont like it but i have to accept that it is no longer the same and will never be the same anymore... forget it...

hi ppl..been sometime since i last blogged..always wanted to but always stopped..
to that u i respect so much..thanks for takin care of me.. what u said put me deep in thoughts..i was hurt that this is what u had to say but i guess this is what u felt..sorry that this had to happen between e both of us..just i'm sorry..i dun mean it that way but i doubt there'd be any chances for us to talk anymore..know u'd never be able to see this..i am sorry...sorry for pissing u off...
haiz..workload always increasing..stunned by alot of e wk..sigh..is it me who does nt understand or what...but basically things are still fine..not like i'm totally behind or what...well..
horsy..back to wk le..hope everything is fine..hugz tight..
to another U..pls tke care of urself when u go to brunei k? hmmm.. i still care..pls dun tink i dont ok...i know i dont do many of the things i used to anymore but it's not cos i no longer care..hmm. i dont know hw 2 explain things anymore..many things i didnt know..i never guessed...
many things in life cannot be explained..when they happen, they just happen..i dont know if this makes sense or not la but ya.. cheers..幸福自己寻找吧。。
to all tke good care yaya?

因为你。。。

hihi ppl..home now..just had dinner so decided to blog abit before going of to do my tutorials..haha...back to life of work le..first semester tryin to tke it ez first slowly let the pace increase..:) just went for hall dinner yesterday..guess it was pretty fun..didnt take many pictures though..left early didnt stay back with them at the suite..didnt want to anyway..went back to NTU to pack my things instead...
Thanks horsy..muackz..for being there with me...am glad for e things that happened..grateful in every way...hugs...
cant stand the way some things are..but even if it's w/thin my reach i'm not going to do anything anymore..i am not going to stoop to that level..if things are like that so be it..just be careful who u place your trust in..maybe i dont see things that way ba..too bad..if u want attention that way..so be it..i have to admit that leopards never changes its spots...
full of hypocrites all around..dont assume u know everything cos u dont...yes i trusted u for a moment..i thought u've been through it and will prob know a lot more..but i was wrong... too bad for me i guess...
firewks outing for 04 girls tml..havent decided if i'd be going yet..see how ba..missing those in nus, even ning, min, ping, shan who r in ntu with me...missing u all...
to all..tke care n cheers...bleah...

hi ppl..here i am..hehe..blogging again..yuppiex..i just got my laptop..haha..something to be happy abt..? yeah..cos i've been waitin for it for such a long time now...hahabut still not used to the keyboard though..kept on hitting e caps lock button when i'm trying to type my a..hmmx. well well.. things moving on..lessons are still ok..catching up for now..but mind is still rusty havent been doing much wk..that's for staying away from bks for 6 months...
Hall Ball tml night..duno whether i'm looking forward to it or wad..no feeling... just another event organised by the hall..think hall 1 is so much m ore happening than many other halls..which is good.. but in the end..i still need the points to stay so..see how ba...
finally saw the doctor yest...he was kind of shocked that i've already been unwell for close to 2 wks..probably get chased out by my roomie if i continued this way...i know i am a stubborn one..yes yes i'll listen...wellx...
havent been meeting up with the class much..missing the girls from 04..think ping is organising an outing..?hehe...will try to mke it...
many things are different now..no longer what they used to be.. i dont want to assume and end up wrong...so let me know if u have anything to say...i will still be here so dont worry... why do u tink i dun care anymore..? i still do..this was the feeling i used to have long ago...i doubt u knew it too..? suan le..it's over..let nature take its course..how abt that...
to all tke care ya..cheers....

i'll leAd u in....

hi all...it's national day and here i am back in hostel...lol...but it has been a quiet yet one of the best national day i ever had...thankz alot horsY..HUgs tight..for bringin me to see great scenery and simply just spending time with me..i know u dont want me to say it but thanks..c",) cheers..
august 9, 2005, HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY Singapore... haha... national day has never been a day i really celebrated..but this one will be one good memory:P
actually main purpose of this blog was to rant about something else which has been spoiling my sleep since i came back to e hall this afternoon..but shant spoil my day today...blog abt it another time.... to all cheers and take good care...argh..my cough is back again....

hi..said i would blog again when i get my com but that's like so long ago and up till it's still not here!! haha...so here i am blogging using my roomie's pc...woke up early to do my tut bt yup.. realised that ive gone all rusty le..after all this time this long period of time away from e bks...argh.....lesson only starts @ 1130 so i have some time to spare...
things have been goin ok for the past 2 wks since the beginnin of school..one wk into e official beginnin of lessons i began to get realli pissed w myself...it's like u know u should know how to do the question yet u can onli stare blindly at it not being able to do anything abt it..haiz.. it's ok though i guess..just have to jia you abit more...
haiz..i thought that feelin was over after i left JC..i thought ppl change bt yet again i was proven wrong...it's just very me to do it but i was wrong..argh..totally disappointed totally disgusted..to tat U..do wad u want wad u like..i don't care..dun assume u noe everything though cos u dun..sorry bt i have my limits...u have crossed it and that's it..girl..wadeva u do..tke care..u wont see me much in ur life anymore..
many mani things happening but no hand in doing anything so i'll just leave it as it is...some things are just meant to be seen i guess...some ppl just like to do things tat wy...
wei horsy pls tke care of urself ok.. sorry abt it...i'm still worried for you...pls get well soon k..? HUgs tight....
to all take good care of yourself...see you ard...

it has been a month since i last blogged..how's everyone..? already went thru 2 freshmen orientations, one for MSE and other for HALL1..ya..so many things happened...would take too long if i were to update all...so shall just leave it as it is..was welcomed into the AERO and SIMPSONS families...both U life and Hall life has started..hopefully all goes well for me..TimeTable is stil ok for me..getting used to the new life in school already..still need time to get around the school though..haha.

Many many changes have taken place ever since...not sure what to think of them..no doubt some be good while some be bad..bt nevertheless...what can u do bt learn2adapt? haz..the expenses have began to go up..the notes, whoa..getting my own laptop soon..great..something of my own soon...

i know u're havin a hard time nw..goin through all these...bt i know u'll go thru it..i believe in u..yupz..
goin thru a time now...arGH..dont knw how everything is goin to turn out just hope all is well...but i will hold on to tt belief..

to all take care...will blog again..prob when i get my laptop...ha..cheers.

i read e past entries until i could no longer take it anymore..i need to step out of it... i m takin too long..am i nt tryin at all..bu yao zai zuo bie ren de fu dan...ARgh..dun be a burden anymore..pls..
ever asked urself wad u r living for...? wad r u looking for in life...?
if things are nv meant to go ur wy..they wont no matter wad u do...if u cant accept it tat's too bad huh... i couldnt..maybe i m nt tryin..bt like who cares..
how am i supposed to talk myself out of it when i dont even know wad's going wrong.. u feel it bt u cant describe it..whatever...................
wk is ending in 3 days time..hai...nt sure if i'll be able to find something to last me that 2 last wks...shall see..started estimating the expenses...geex..how am i goin to afford it..? giving tuition isnt a bad idea bt after that one month e o/r time...i've lost total hope le.. CraP.
what's wrong..........? argH..i reali dun knoe.

hmm..to let things return to wad they used to be before..? possible...? i duno.
it isnt a good sign when i start to shut myself..it isnt....why allow more people into my life if what i m going to do is simply to hurt...who will stay in and who will stay out is not up to me to decide...
i broke not knowin the reason..it sucks...shutting away e reason..? CRAP....
my temp job at CPF ends soon..this wk..going 4 camp next wk...maybe i shud ask to leave earlier..
to U..think u prob know who u r..i m tryin 2 distract myself bt i am failin doesnt matter....sorry..bt i tried..
to see is to believe...to hide is to deceive....deceiving is what i am doing....................

went to cut my hair...to those who know me well enough..it always mean something when i do.. ARGH.... hMm... isnt it..? think it's stil more or less e same length..but much less...well..doesnt matter...
ha...time is running...? maybe ba..
what u said has made me ponder upon what i really am doing.. dun force me anymore... thank u..... what's e point..?
Sorry...maybe u dont want to hear this..but..it's my fault aint it...? since it is..why bother to say anything..?
I m still unable to change that part of me..i still dont like to talk. i know ppl prob wont be v willing to do it... appreciate it even if u were just sitting there in silence with me...blah....
Pessimism doesnt bring one far... i know that...dont worry.
..........................................aaarghhhhhhhhhhh.......this shouldnt be happenin... bt sadly..i allowed it to...and yet when i fell in i couldnt pull myself out anymore.....
'girl' dun worry..what is on top has nothing to do w wad i told u...:) see u soon...
U life is startin... lookin 4ward..?...i duno.
Things are no longer real anymore....i said it befor and i say it again....
Wei...i will let u know....i know u wont force me..pls take care k...HUgz....
to all take care......

never knew it would be this tong xin to do it.. I am selfish...have always been... deceiving... i will stop. stop doing anything at all... i dont deserve anything... anything at all... it isnt goin to be easy anymore.......