hello people, it's 31st today.Almost a year is over.. whoa hw time flies... this year has been as extraordinary one for me. many things happened, some good, some bad.. but it has been a most interesting year for me. many lessons learnt. many hearts were broken...i'm sorry for all the unhappiness that i've caused... year 2006 has been a tiring year. a year filled with so many new chapters. and also the closing of many chapters. it is the yr i stepped into my twenties. it has been a year filled with much tears, much unhappiness. sorry for hurting you. sorry that i broke your heart. but thank you for the good times. sorry for the times i couldnt be there for some people while i was trying to fight my own battle. sorry for the lies. sorry for the poor results.
thank you for coming into my life. thank you for loving me. thank you for a wonderful roomie. thank you to those who stood by me. thank you ddd...
goodbye 2006, welcome 2007.
i welcome in the new year.. it will be a better year for me. cheers.

feeling kind of sad...argh... so hate myself.
to you, glad u have moved on. =D jia you with that special someone.
take care ppl..new yr is coming. have fun!

hello people, i am back home. tennis quarters today.. we won 4-1 that 1 being a walkover. duno why my service beginning to drop standard like mad. big sigh..used to be able to serve beautifully... got into semis, 1st time for hall 1 tennis. lucky vynesh was my partner, else, faint. tml going to meet the 04 ppl. going to mrs liim house.. then going to have dinner at tampines. hmm. hope to see them soon.=D well well. i pulled out the zip off my hp pouch, and broke hp chain. sigh... this is bad la. so violent. then last night rammed my last toe into the door. zzzzz. bleeding toe. so sad la. =x. there's a lot of feelings these days...life goes up and down. duno what to say. nvm..time to get busy with comm stuff... take care all... =D cheers ppl. oh to mel...smile ok! =)

i passed my exams. more importantly, i passed my 2001, 2004, 2006. though results are bad, and i mean bad, i am glad i can finally have a gd peace of mind, enough of the nightmares that joanne needs to retake a couple of her papers. *relieve* but with an average of C, joanne needs to buck up and pull up her grades next sem else, sigh. time to get in with life without maths. softball later and tennis tml. hmmm. gd luck hall one.

hello all, been away from blogging for some time. =x so sorry. results are coming out tml and i am feeling super nervous. joanne jia you! hazz. came back for softball and tennis today.. realised that tennis won liao so tentatively no need to play my match. =x as for softball today...we won as well. wad great news..but then i think i need to get a new pair of shoes...cos my shoes may dry in time for softball tml morning, but tennis in wet shoes is wad i call superly dangerous... see hw 1st... whether i should spend the money. lol. yeh. the new year is coming ahead... time to reflect on the happenings of this whole yr. =x. anyway want to thank the many many people for the christmas wishes. and sophia for the xmas prezzie. thanks. and congratulations to xinyi on his marriage. =)
things dont always go smoothly for u, this fact, i learnt it the hard way. sighh. nvm. if things are yours, they will be, if not then too bad.
take care all. =)

it's christmas eve... and here i am, at home. hah. one year is almost over... and resultS are amost out.. panic! been doing very little useful things at the moment. feel so useless... and piggy and everything...haha. bah. much has been on my mind..but since it's the festive pweiod, just want to wish all of you a very MERRY XMAS! take care to all.
it's the festive period...i'm feeling lonely. haa.

home at last... wont be back to school till 27th. =D hehh. results are coming out soon, and i am really worried...sigh. haiz. today was at tiong bahru plaza...then saw this big big big big tAzzie sitting outside More Than Words. heh. hope no one gets it..cos i intend to save up to get it. not cheap..heh. tired... zzz all the best to me for the results. i really hope for the best... merry christmas in advance!

thanks to all =D for all the birthday wishes, and the various gifts. thanks alot to chew, wenx for lunching with me on my bdae and guansiang for the dinner. and ddd for the whole of 20th! -D happy joanne =D anyway, eragon was good. highly recommended... heex thank you to those who made joanne a happy girl...i am finally twenty... =x welcomed warmly into the twenties club...
sigh i realised that this holiday is so so busyy... zzz and the weather has been cold. =x games postponed over and again! bigger sigh! tml is ISG closing ceremony. zzz. must wake up early go over and carry the 3 boxes of things to SRC. i hope i haf the strength. if not i'll get william's help. =x
i feel tired. but i duno why. zz kept sleeping today. haha... take care to all... hugs`

this has been the colour of the sky, games kept getting postponed due to the rain. sighhh.. hah. tennis tml, then meeting chew and wendy at dhoby ghaut for lunch. =D wont be playing softball tml, dont thinK i wana skip meeting them for it. so sorry. have been getting really dirty. =x heh. rain, mud grass and all... wad else manz. hehh. time flies...in less than an hr's time, i'd be twenty. heh. i'm getting old. silent night, quiet night. cold night.. take care to all! =D

hellOo ppL!, i back.. =D here to thank a couple of people... thanks 04 girls for baby taz in diapers... and the crown neckless..jianhao seng long, kuanthai for the mini log cake..and the great outing out to ecp. =D hehh. and ddd for the big big taz=) nw, i have a big big taz collection liao! thanks people! =D Love all of you..though as of nw, i can stil say, i am stil 19! hehhhh! =D

HellO to all...haaa had a netball game against SCI today. zzz lol. totally thrashed. i dun play netball.. but insufficient players. zzz hahaaa. and those people were tall...amazing la. HMm. then had lunch with jason. lol. that day just asking melvin where jason disappeared to, lol. wahhh still crappy as usual. hope u enjoy ur blading wor... =) been alone in hall quite often lately..rmiee is away in ubin.. then i am still dwn with isg and ihg...there's tennis and softball ih on mon. hope all goes well. yest one was cancelled due to rain... but wah realised that the pressure is huge la... siggh. in any case,take care to all... i miss you all. cheers. HUgs-

i realised this hard truth, it gets lonely in hall, during the holidays. rmie went for npcc stuff, so she'd be away till sunday. heh. i woke up at 10++ just nw, realised that every single inch of my muscles are aching. If they get enough ppl to play IH later then i shall just go and watch, cos i dun wana pull the team down, with aching muscles as well and a stupid recurring knee prob. sigh...dear right knee, stop doing this to me! haahaa. it just rained, so ya, going to have really muddy shoes again. oh mannzz. time i invested on a new pair of sports shoes..eh though i know i dun have the $ to. LOL...softball match against hall5 later. all the best. so sorry to those who people who have been asking me out ah. heh. thanks appreciate it that you all wana celebrate my birthday with me, so so sorry ah. but caught up with IH and IS games.. heh. paisehpaiseh. =X take care to all! JOanne misses all of you!

i duno why but i suddenly feel so like crying...zzz. maybe i am just tired...

suddenly have this very lost feeling. but i duno why. suddenly feel kind of depressed, but i duno why. sigh! got this feeling i let people down, but i duno who. well, maybe it's just one of those sad days.

shall use green since green is mse isg colour. heh. yest was too tired to blog. hheeh. whole day was so so packed. meeting with the comm in the morning, followed by ihg softball and tennis traning. 4hrs of training left me with an almost useless right arm, and a wet and muddy pair of sports shoes.. zzzz... heh. today was isg opening ceremony.. blogging abit before i go off for ih softball training..so nua, muscles aching left right...sigh~ not too bad ba, o/r than my batt dying before the ceremony ended. heh. following the crowd with the camera was ermmx tiring la. jiachuan and anchyi are amazing la. i took shortcuts here and there lo. =x well, nice isg comm tee as well as isg tee. thanks max...hah. anndddd lastly, i wana say that, rmie! hw could u intro me to such a game! abit the out of date cos i bet a million other ppl are playing it before me liao. hahaa. introducing...need for speed most wanted. wahhaahaaa.. alright to all, take good care k! cheers.

hello all, back in hal looking at roomie polish her boots. lol, looks so interesting la! =x but she dun wan burn down the room, so decided that i should just watch. hehee..busy day ahead from tml onwards. need to lose some weight. i think i said that like a million times liao lor.haha. haaa. rmie is done with one side of her shoes. =x. supposed to finish at 12, but then yaaa. erm. bleaH... haaa. i am still coughing abit la, still fine, no worries. =D take care take care! more updates soon.

coughing madly now..cant really fall asleep. cough till backache liao lei.sigh. haha.. what to do
joanne is stubborn one, and she refuses to go see the doctor for the cough. hmmm.. at the
moment i'm relying on panadol cold. hope it works for me la. but then erm erm... haha...
sigh..guess by now those reading would have realised my theme. rainbow. haha. i often
wonder who's going to to be the rainbow of my life. hmM. maybe this is not as impt nw ba?
bleh. yeh, just realised that i dont really want to make the same mistake over and again. but then
how many times have i really been able to not let myself go into it? sigh, thiNk my life is full of
contradictions. i dont blame the characters in it, but rather, the writer--me. haiz. it has been
an eventful year for me. each time it comes to the end of a year, i would reflect and hope for a
better year ahead, but then year after year, not much changes. sigh. i better start living properly
before all is too late and i start regretting it.
was on this topic of "everyone deserves a second chance..". to what extent should this statement
be true? i duno..maybe we all dont want to be hurt a second time, but i believe that as long as the
circumstances allow it, then why not? eh this is a chim statement ba. but i guess it's really up to
the individual ba. dOnt know la. always thiNking of weird things. lol. but that's me...hmm.
someone said that i was complicated but a fine lady upon knowing me. dun really know what it
means but fine lady, i am definitely not. not anymore. i learnt to love myself more. i dont give in
to everyone anymore. i dont do things to please people and upset myself anymore. i am no more
that person who gives all she can as long as it is within her means. i have become more selfish.
i duno hw to survive in this world without getting hurt anymore. i want to defend myself. well, tired.
going to rest soon. coughss..take care people.

heh, my flu hasnt got better yet..nor the cough. i stil havent visited the beach, i so wanna go....anyone wana bring me there? hahaa. alumni dinner thing is cancelled and brought to next sunday. i need to get well soon, so many events next week... sigh. i dun want to see the doctor. =x

sigh, i'm sick. wrong timing. =x lih tyng is coming back. =D

sick liao. sigh. down with flu and slight cough. it's so diff for me to kena flu one lor. haiz. yest had stupid connection errors. seriously i dont know if it's the wireless at home or msn, but ya lor. pek chek la.. esp when i am computer idiot lo. yesterday i went swimming and yeh a hair cut. =/ was telling rmie i wasnt going to cut my hair in the next few months but cannot tahan the dried and split ends lo. so went to cut.. and like back in jc, it was a great sense of relieve. =) yeah hoo.. then momentarily i will complain and then forget. =D ddd ddd ddd! hah. muahahaha! well well.
there are certain things that despite trying, one would never be able to do de ba. there too are certain people you realise are easier to share things with right? duno why suddenly having such thoughts la, but something that passed my mind. in a way, these days i feel free.. and yeh kinda happY too. =D ddddddddd! haha. next week going to be superly busy liao... take care wor everyone....--HugS--

back again..today i went to queenways shopping centre to make a new pair of specs. guess what? my degree has gone down! amazingly. for the right eye. the optician kinda coudnt bleieve it so checked quite a couple of times. dang. haha. yes indeed it has gone down but i m wondering if it went down or or the previous one had prob. lol. alright... want to thank for such an expensive birthday present la. goodness... i feel bad can. realised that i'd really be quite busy the upcoming week... ISG and stuff..oh mannnz... i still havent started exercising, someone, make me start. haha still i wanna go out! tennis tml is cancelled so home sweet home before i go back again i go back to hall on sat...
sigh, sometimes i really duno what u r thinkin, u want to say something then after that u say nvm and nothing. alright, i duno wad i can do alright but it also seems like it isnt up to me. one day u are like that, the other day u jus change. up to you la, as long as u are happy, fine with me, nothing i can do for you also alright. i know la, i dun tell u things, so yu[p like what u siad there are some things that you'd not want to say, so...
* know there are certain decisions that need to be made, i know that u wont be as heartless as me, but i want you to know that i am not that heartless one ok. u take your time. i'll respect the decision. no you are not a ball. but i just thought that you may be happier that way. weigh your priorities ba. and the commitment.
to all, take care.

helo~ haa..i'm in hall right nw, instead of exercising, which i should have been doing, i've been leading this piggy lifestyle. hey joanne arent u supposed to lose weight? oh man, i realised that i'm eating more than before. what if i grow so fat that nobody wants me? HOW? missed tennis training today cos had lunch with my family. dim sum. so wrong...hey joanne what happened to your plans to exercise? u've been eating and sleeping! so wrong! haha... but ya tml no matter what, i'm going swimming, that's that. LOL. been mapling and doing nothing else. been online, and offline when slPing. Piggy! so so so wrong la.... but yeh. today the new shirts came, at last. breathes a sigh of relieve! the shirts turn out well. looks nice enough =D fortunately. maybe next time should jus use something less challenging so that it'd wont be so much trouble. maybe meeting xinwei and lp and jialing to go to vivo later, but depending on what time my meeting ends.. to all! take care... going off for my meeting liao. cheers... people, pls get joanne to stop sleeping! hehe. ask her out! =D hugs tight tight!

ah! i so so angry! haha. blogged halfway then went to do other stuff then disc kena stuck inside, then i restart then i lost the whole entry! so angry can. =( haiz zhen shi de. haa yeh was saying that i'm here to blog again. hehe. ya so here i am for the second time tonight. spent today lying around, repaying my slp debt and fussing over my computer and the wireless connection that has been dying on me today. hehe. tml going back to school liao. tennis training at 12. there's softball at 10 too but i decided not to go,cos yeh as much as i wanted to exercise, 4hrs at one go is not too healthy for someone who has not exercised for a long long time. heh. so i am going for tennis tml and the meeting at 6 with ISG com.. then pang coming over to deliver the long waited tees. i hope all goes well. there's so many many ppl i wana spend time with this holidays. heh, da ge, dun worry la ya, i'll find a day la, u also have to let me knw ur schedule lo. and oei, there's some things that i dont like u asking over and again, cos nothing changes ok? and to ddd, sorry i know you r busy too but will try to fit the timing in ok? and i also wan2 meet up with lih tyng, i duno when she's coming back from aussie but i look 4ward to seeing you! =D yeh so many things i want to do! hMmz.take care to all! i miss you all and i look forward to seeing whoever wants to see me! lol! =D hugs tight tight to all...

my life is a storybook.
where the characters change all the time...
but who would be the one? who will enter and stay??
haahaa.

new layout...

hello all! here to announce the end of my exams! today is my 1st freee day. I've learnt, this holidays, i'm going to enjoy myself to the fullest. i dont knw what will happen after the results come out, but then.. it's over, i just hope for the best.
anyway i went to read through the archives for the past 2 yrs. my blog is more than 2 yrs old liao, but had one earlier on which got deleted. seems like haha, alot of things have changed la. previously i realised there was this certain period of time where the entries were like really sad.there was a period of time when everything was so pessismistic. i realised that hey, i said that i was no longer the joanne i used to be for a long time already. and guess what? i really havent done anything much to change it la. i realised that i am still as pessimistic. much as i say that i want to go back to being who i am, i realised i m not putting in much effort. hey joanne, it's time u learn and move on with your life.
there's this particular thing that i want to decide on. actually i thought that i almost came to a conclusion, but then i realised, there are still things that make me hold back from making a decision. no doubt that period of time has taught me that hey, u need it, as much as u say u dont want it. Hmm, yeah there are things that i really cant put down. so sorry, it may take an even longer time for me until i can be sure.
in the midst of the exam period, one chapter of my life ended. yeah, to the character(s) in that chapter, i wish you all all the best okiez? =D
hehe, i packed my room after exams yest. spent so many hours. zzz. so for once, joanne is proud to announce that she has a very neat rm! her side i mean=x alright la rmie's side has been quite neat also la if u dun consider that she dont make her bed. =x so she is consistently neat. i've decided to have a new layout for my lappie. heh =)
so many things that i want to do... but next up will be having ISG and IHG =) hehe. wannnaaa have funnnnnnnnnnn. =D
i bought a new mouse yesterday. =D and sorry girls i didnt join u all at orchard yest. Joanne needed her beauty slp lei. hehe.
anddd for my birthday, i want....
i want...
i want...(oopx i'm doing this again)
haha.
1) pass her exams ( no 1 goes out to her exam markers)
2) my loved ones to be happy =)
3) xiaobai (rmie, make a sacrifice? hehe)
4) more taz (what about a real one?)
5)more
6)more
7)more!
heheee loveeeeeeeeeeeeee=) wahaahaaa, so on my birthday, u al come forward gimme a hug and smuack will be enough...
hehee... i be back to blog =) off i go go go to slp.
take care to all....
and GUAN SIANG!
Happy 25th Birthday to you!
oh and to my elder bro too...
=)

here to screaMMmz.again. joanne is down. again! =S sighx. 2006 down also but then again i really dont know what i am doing. where has all the effort go to? argh. sad diao... one paper to go. i have to do it, somehw. take care to all....

in a sad sad mood. =( dont know what to say. just sad. arghhhz... 4days2papers more...jia you to all alright. =D

here for a very simple purpose....*SCREAAMMMMMMMMMMZzzzz* argh just came back from 2004. ouch it really sucks la. help me manz... kind of sian 1/2 after the paper...zhen shi de la... i mean what the !! hehe... well in any case it's over... shall go nap nap a little for nw... 7 days..3 papers to go... sighhh. good luck and take care to all!! -hugs- love you all! heheee.... =D jia you to all...

i dream of walking down the beach with you... it will become a reality wont it...?

in the midst of exams...with 10days and 5 papers to go, i decided to drop a note...
to all jia you for exams alright? meanwhile... despite the stress level... i am a happy girl... with all the chocolates around me...lol... dang~ more updates after the exams...all the best everyone...=D
p/s: ddd... =P (bite u for all the lemon juice u fed me with...)
and special note to rooooomieee dearest(LOL) study ahhhhhhhhh! =) jia YOuuuu!

hi all, i think i havent blogged to close to a month liao. haha. taking a break from my studies. having 2004 quiz tml... sigh all the best to me yeh?
haha here to ans the so 'important' question which many people have been asking me. lol. what do i want for my birthday....
i want...
i want...
i want...
i want...






lots and lots of love!(haha)
lots and lots of happiness for everyone around me... =)
eh lots and lots of As??
the list goes on... =)
honestly, dont need to give me anything, just dont forget my existence can liao. =)
and for now, i am still in my teens... heehee =P
take care to all alright.
LOve You All!!
hugs- all the best for exams...

hello back to blog again. actually feeling kind of tired but dont really feel like doing anything although yup i know i reali need to study for my thermo soon. haha. roomie brought in her tv tuner card or whatever u call it. =P nice, now we get to watch tv in hall. took so long before she set it up, but honestly it took more time than i thought it would but then there was nothing much that i could do.. =P cos i am at a lost to things like tt...so i just helped her with plucking in her two pin plugs. =P so helpful indeed.
it hasnt been easy. =\ things arent going the way i wish them to be. I dont know if i am being unfair to say no one really understand what is happening at the moment. why does it seem like everything that i do seems wrong? siGh~ and to the people i care whom i have started to ignore, i'm really sorry. like what wendy says, each of us are fighting our own ghosts, i beg forgiveness that i cant be around anymore. all the feelings bottling up. it's not easy, anymore. and for the few who have been ard, thanks and i love u all.
finally started a conversation with a long lost friend, someone, whom i really enjoyed being back in sec sch, the great times we shared together, the times we both been there for one another and haha the times we were being stubborn together! =P haha. now she's so far away, but i am glad that although we have drifted, somehw, there's still this thing in us that clicks. to you, i look forward to seeing u, and girl, do take care of urself in australia. =)
kind of tired.. and to U, thanks for accompanying me during these times, pls dont fall sick alright. sorry i hope u arent deprived of slp cos of me... -hugs- take good care too ok?
IHG tennis training tml shall see how it goes tml before deciding whether i shud drop out of it or not. =P haha. to all take care.

my publicity partner...Reza
My publicity team
part of the publicity team
my toiletie....

so angry!!! my previous post disappeared. and i have to reblog again! so its going to be a shorter entry then wad i was supposed to have. haiz. haha.

Finally investiture is over!
Congratulations on the work well done by all the publicity subcommers. Thanks for all the dedication!=) and to my partner reza, thanks alot boy, couldnt have done it without u. =) and to the rest of the 7th Committee, congratulations. Finally, it's time to take a breather for a day or two before I start mugging for the upcoming quizzes on Wed next week. It has been a long long time since i last blogged. and as promised, here i am! haha..

Many things happened recently. It hasnt been easy. i would like to thank the people who were with me throughout this period of time. thanKs. alot of unhappy things happened. more of the unexpected kind of things. i would like to say to people out there, no matter what u do, please think of ur family and the people around you. alright? sometimes, i really dont know if what i am doing is right or not. but ya. my roomie asked me if i was doing all these cos i felt it was morally wrong and that i should stop wad i did previously. ok, in a way yes, but i guess there are some other factors. i feel damn lousy but there really is some relief despite all the unhappy stuff that's happening...and i have made that decision, and i'd stick by it. No worries, cause despite the trauma, i'd get through it, it all is a learning experience, isnt it? well. things that u never expect always happen. so i guess this is just one of those other things that happened.

Went up to the School of Arts Design & Media for past two consecutive night. Nice building. for those who havent gone up there before, do find an opportunity to do so. first night up was with roomie sophia and her bunch of SBS buddies. we played with lanterns n fire sparklers, and we had mooncakes and greentea. zhijie brought along a bottle of ethanol as well. lol. nice blue flame when lighted up. it was a moony night but it was really hot..last night, there was practically no moon, but it was definitely cooler. nice breeze, really. nice night. 'free from worries"... thanks for accompanying me the whole night, it was really wonderful. =) it has been some time since i did things like that... so people, do go up there. there arent reali many places in singapore where there's grass patches for u to lie down on and look into the sky... haha. but do make sure when u go there and u see erm 'ah tiongs', come back another day. find another night to go there cos they talk like they are so far away from each other when they r reali jus beside one another. really spoil the peaceful night. =P

more things coming up and soon the exams will be here. ya i'd jia you and all of u too alright? hmmm. i'd try to find more opportunity to blog. no worries. to all those who miss me haha, i miss u too.=P i hope all of you are doing well. take care alright! =)

 

some pics of myself...  

my tennis junior back in cedar 

wen wen and i 

wood n i 

szehua n i 

haha look so oldies huh... 

yuhan n 1 

myself 

in wood's rm...

hello once again..
in wood's rm nw..later have to go off for booth at 330.
selling ice-cream mooncake.. hehe. for those interested let me noe k
it is going at $20 which is cheaper than that at swensens by about 10%.
wood is ill and sleeping nw.. wanted her to go to the doc, but since she insists that she doesnt want to, i shall not force her either, cos even for myself, i will be too stubborn so i guess i noe hw she feels and yeh i am in no right to say her either.
sigh..have to come up with my banner design soon.. then namecard, investiture decor, noticeboard decor
and there is subcomm recruitment tonight.. well, maybe its good cos at last we can spread out the workload. =)
yesterday night, i tried to sleep early having slept few hours for past few nights due to the many different commitments.. but in the end stoned there for many moments before i finally dozed off.. listening to the music roomie was playing on e com, nice n soothing...
thoughts started to flow again.. why, why are so many things happening at this moment in life? i wanna be free again.. hah i guess this is going to take some time huh...

i know i have been harsh, but i wont take it back.
i am already having enough things as it is, so dont add on to it alright..
someone said to me before, no one has the right to decide for me what i want in my life.
so why bother about what they have to say to you? well, it's not that easy definitely..
but i'd keep in mind what u have said before..

met apple today..so glad that she's so much happier nw after changing course, girl i wish u all the best alright...see ya around hall alright..it's like we are so near yet so far...

last night daddy called me... kinda disappointed at what he said.. i mean do u reali have no trust in this daughter of yours.. i mean i am reali not that kind of person u seem to assume to be.. but ya i know you are just concerned...no worries la, if he wants i can always explain again...

da ge if u ever read this, do take care of urself ok? i knw that it probably wont be able to go back to the way things were before, look at the circumstances nw, they're different already...

haiz..enough of all the things that are going the wrong way...JOANNE wake up will u, get ur direction before its too late and get lost for life....

people out there who may be reading this, do take care alright... cheers to all of you..

drained..

hello people, yeh just came up with a new blog template. basically, backgrd was designed by me while roomie made it into a blogskin for me. Thanks lots huiping! hehe. muackz! but yeh there'd be changes to it so look out for it. though nothing much is going to change really.
been reali busy recently. Com stuff, quizzes, and much more. wil post up some dnd pix when i have the time to.
as always there are many things that have happened recently. not reali going to talk about them here. cos i know i probably take alot of time to post and its kinda late nw.
be back some time soon to update again...
special thanks to certain ppl. thanks for allowing me to see from ur point of view. for being around...
it has been really tiring. alot of things being decided.
i dont know how long i'd last.
but i will go strong.
like i said in previous post, it has been hard keeping up with the mask.
right nw, i have very strong chocolate cravings... oh joanne u r so going to grow fat.
i want to step out, but i cant.
see u people around. time for bed
cheers...

hi again...
lol..been very busy lazy but here after dinner to blog abit.
hmmm.. kind of confused nw..
dont know where all these are heading towards..
sigh..why cant things be made simpler for everyone..
i realised that some people who are constantly around you arent the people whom u really share things with. nvm..just a random thought..
i was chatting online with this fren of mine.. was saying that some things are better left unexpressed. thats hw i honestly feel. but then my fren was saying, even if u dont know how to express, jus say something, at least ppl know you have something to say. well..
some more hall activities here and there.. but i wont be as busy w these activities anymore..

people walk in and out of ur life...
even though many claim they stay,
only few remain..
suddenly things dont look as bright anymore..
i feel tired...
at the beginning of the semester.
i cant be as strong as who i want to be, claim to be.
i'm not as fine as i thought i am..
the mask is not holding up for much longer.
sigh..
perhaps, i need a little help..

hee to all cheers..
tke care.
long day tml...
sigh...
(-_-)

yeh school has started for about 2 weeks already. so far so good but that's cos only maths tut has started...argh!!! help help when most tuts start next week.
going for hall bash tonight..but having lesson later from 530-730 1st.. blogging before that.
hmm.. here to declare... i love my new roomie....hehe.. introducing huiping. lol.. actually was hoping that i got a singaporean roomie and yes! i did! =P and we dont ignore each other like my previous rmie. =)
hmm. ya.. that's abt all in my life at the moment..
i think there are some things that are better left unexpressed. probably what xinyi said was right. just got to be more vicious..? well..
and oh guan siang, if u happen to be reading this..just wanna say u r amazingly li hai. i was like thinking 'whoa...' anyway. thanks and cheers to you...
to all.. tke care to all..and see you around.

and since it is national day i shall use red for this entry. today 9th august marks singapore's national day. it also marks another special day..it has been a yr. for nw things are on a hold. i havent decided. maybe i am being selfish and dont know what i want at this point in time? sorry for all the trouble that i've given to either of u.
school has started..yesh with a big sigh...feeling kind of stress. ya upon realisation that we're competing against the really smart people reali mkes me feel that i'm like helping them to mark the bottom..but not to worry i'd jia you..=) i'm quite happy with my timetable cos it kind of gives me time when i think i need. erm chim but true.
kind of miss all my girlfrens esp the jc gers.. but yep i'd be seeing ningning twice a wk frm next wk onwards. grinx. time flies..
to all tke care n rmb to miss joanne=)

hi everyone..missed me? yeh hall camp starts this week. and yesh! this bunch of simpsons freshies seem to be full of energy! let's hope for the best. in any case, it's going to be a week of fun! =D
some things are not going too smoothly for me. It has been heartbreaking. Right now at this moment, i am feeling really confused. i have let known that at this time, what i want is to be alone. i am unable to commit fully to what i wish to have so rather than being unfair, why not just let me be? i dont want to be selfish n let u wait. -hugs-
it hasnt been an easy decision, really. I am too tired..probably lost along the way. i am truly sorry if i've hurt anyone.
to kb. haa dont think you'd get to see this la..but then just want to say that, sometimes i reali agree that the truth hurts, but then again, sometimes, lies do help for certain reasons, despite the risk factor. whatever it is, u cheer up alright? anything, i am nearby. =) do tke care too.
hmm, i would be back with more updates! tke care people...
hugs..

hello ppl, some time since i last blogged..sorry about that... just came back from sce-mse foc.. though tired, i had fun..seriously.. seems like there are many things happening in my life of late.. i guess right now, i just need to be alone... time off to myself... really cant tke it anymore.. sigh.. last week of work liao..school reopening soon..and all time will go to my studies..tke care...

sometimes i just hope i can be alone.. and stop causing hurt to those i love.
maybe i should, and step away from all...
and be free all by myself...
i am just another simple person...
who wants to live happily.
allow me to....

hmmm..still sick..still had fever this morning but it went down already..=P other than the non-stop coughing, i think things are still fine. haaha. well.did subject registration today. was really a case of fastest fingers first. teck hou told me just add the core first but stubborn me added everything so in the end couldnt register for one of the slots that i wanted. but lucky other than that things still relatively find. Phew* it was all over in 2 minutes.so it was seriously a case of either u get it or u dont. Decided on group A subjects. didnt particularly plan it with anyone so i hope i wont be alone too much lor..but fortunately AERO peeps taking grp A so will still have my OG people to accompany me for lectures..hee.=P
somehw feel that some things have changed. what can i say. i think its natural reaction on some part ba. i guess some people dont really appreciate things until they know they're about to lose it.
horsieee...i wan u to be happy alright...dont think so much liao and i hope i am not affecting u too much. block out what u dun feel like hearing ok? huggiex..jus remember the promises we made and keep by it k? whatever happens...
BIte..to that someone who stepped into my life recently...dont be held back by ur past k? do what u feel is most comfortable for urself k? =P
think i'd be going back to work tml.. feels so piggish staying home and sleeping after eating med each time..
i wanna get well soon...
heeex.

i decided to tke the previous post away..horsieee pls dun be mistaken k? remember the promises made k? things wil still be the wy it used to be alright. gou gou shou zi. =P
having high fever nw..saw the doc..finally.. thanks for the companion..hugs... fortunately u were ard to force me there...haha
some things happened recently..but i guess it may be going abit too fast... i hope it'd slow down and let me learn more things. haha...
seniors hall camp yest and the day before..quite fun also..=P but then kinda gross for certain stuff.. well...
to all take care...

im the stupid one...maybe u r right but have u ever thought how i felt the other time? when u decided to keep it from me and the reason why u never told me? maybe i was the petty one. but does it even matter to you?

anyway i went shopping today!! thanks my tazzieee for accomanying me... yehhhooo.. haha. bought few skirts and shirts n few other stuff..eh hem..haha..so jojo is a happy girl today...but today...=)

eh yes i agree....as long as i know what i want in future...things dont matter as much and i can let them go slow..not hurrying to put all things out...yeh..

anyway yest after 1/2 day work met 04.. had lunch then went over to leemin's hse.. yehhh we are cranky ppl...hahaaa.. had much fun with the girls though we didnt really interact with the guys but overall..it was nice meeting them again. sad thing was that i was really tired and decided to leave for home early...

work again tomorrow...hmmm... callers pls be nice to me...hehehe...cheers.

Went to work at tampines cpf call centre today..it was kind of different..haha. compared to that 5 months i was working at counter last yr..call centre environment here was a different kind of experience..saw a few familiar figures...
chocolates have become part of me again these couple of days.. i always feel that chocs cheer me up..so pardon me from eating so much cos i couldnt find other ways to cheer myself up and i guess this is also the cheaper option compared to the other of cutting hair...i am growing fat again.
have decided to stay on the job provided they want me till i need to return back to school for my FOC stuff...
-sigh-

可惜现在面前一片黑暗。
我无法从新站起来。

it's been some time. well..been at work for about 3 weeks already... complaints jus increases each day..but this is all part of work i guess. it's draining to work in this industry. hardly think i can last long at all..
some news to share. i failed my driving pract. passed my exams though seriously not good enough and also got a place back in hall 1 and its my previous room. other than that my life has been revolving around work work and more work. have been very very tired each day after work. cant bring myself to do many things. like i totally lost energy. sigh.
kind of lost..dont know where i am heading towards... have only myself to blame for putting myself through all these pains. i know there are some things that i really cannot handle alone yet i can turn to no one. u know the feeling of being exasperated? i painted a picture in my mind. but no one sees it. i predicted the ending but i am still hanging on to that thin string. i do not want to let go but i do not have a choice. but who's going to give myself this chance to let go other than myself?
you may be surprised to hear but there hasnt been a conclusion. i admit it. i want to give myself a chance but i simply cant bear to let go.
been thinking so much about it again lately. but i can turn to no one...sorry....

what lies beneath the calm surface may just be an act put up...
our lives begin to end the day we keep silent about things that matter to us.

it has been some time since i last blogged. many things happened but didnt have much time to blog(excuse) haahaha..got a job back at CPF. this time in call centre. shall not go on about the stupid unreasonable people cos i remember doing that last yr..haha.. well, new people...new phone system...new project.. had a few outings here and there but mainly life now resolves around work. always so tired after work. having to travel to and fro from tanjung pagar each day hasnt been easy.travel expenses have been high as well.. sigh...
most importantly, my driving test is around the corner, and expenses+++... well..i do hope that i pass on my 1st try...so no need to spend more money...=) prays hard for me. wish me the best of luck okie? yeh...
sigh..duno wad to say le.
so many thoughts yet so little chance to talk.
i duno how to either...
Sigh.
tke care.

today i went to recruit express for an interview.. i think my travelling time was longer than the interview time. It was similar to what happened at adecco previously..havent been offered any jobs yet. Well shall wait..wanted to meet someone for lunch but didnt go in the end. i dont know..maybe because i'm still far far away. U didnt do wad u said u'd..haiz..i cant 'come back' on my own..i need help alright...?
hmm..many things to say...but just dont know how to go about doing so...it has been like that...for ages..yet some things just dont change rightz?
couple of years back..a promised was made...today i would like to apologise to that particular person to whom i made it to. i am sorry, for i find myself unable to keep it any longer. i cannot be who i used to be anymore and cannot do what i used to do anymore. i will let you know in due time ba. even if so, i would like to say stay happy alright...cheers.
Well..i was reading back some of the archives. yeah i think i havent changed many things i wanted to, couldnt do many things i said i wanted to do..so i think that explains why my life remain at its low point. maybe i just couldnt see things from a brighter point of view. but that's me.

i want to get out but would u help me out...
by letting me go...

wanted to try a new blogskin so here goes...i like it.
yeah..holidays have started. i am now searching for a job...hopefully i find one soon. i want to get away from all the things that are going on in my mind.
to this friend.. i dont know if u still read my blog cos u dont have a com at home... well..but i really dont know how to do it. i can only think of 'going away'...i'm sorry but i dont seem to be able to grasp on much le..right now i dont know what would happen..i told u i would look you up again after i 'come back'..but i dont know how long it'd take..so if u do see this..i want to just ask you to take care of yourself alright...and i am glad you were around.Cheers.

i miss the sea..

what you all see is just surface...
below it the currents are strong..
and even the fish find it difficult to live on.

the exams are over..at long last... i've been waiting for so long...this time round i have started studying much earlier than the previous semester but sad to say i am quite disappointed in myself. but yet again what can i say right?i started watching this korean drama my girl this afternoon, and am intending to finish it tonight. hopefully i can stay awake..i spent the whole morning packing the stuff in my room..yes i m moving out of hall tomorrow afternoon...i have many many bags of things and hopefully everything fits into the car. After shifting out of hall, i guess many things will change in the next few months. well...put it this way after the exams ended it was like a big stone lifted but yes there is another stone there to be lifted...
there is something that has been bugging me... and i guess i am going to try settle it in the coming weeks. i dont intend to seek the truth or try to think of other alternatives... honestly yes i am hurt. hurt by myself...hurt by others...sigh...yes its going to be a painful decision but the further on it drags, it'll jus going to do more damage. ouch. sometimes i really do not understand why i have to go through this alone. but i will be strong...i will go 'far far away' until i am ready to come back...till then wish me all the best..
my hammie gave birth yesterday..till now there are 2 live hammies..something which i am pretty proud of..cos the previous pregnancies of both my female hammies did not go through very well.. sigh..haha but hopefully the 2 young ones survive through...my dear hammies are a joy to have and i am very glad to have them with me though they nib like nobody's business...but yes i still love them all...
many many things i intend to do in this holiday..hopefully things go as expected. people walk in and out of your life...it's just a normal cycle...i have to accept it.. i will try to accept it.
take care all and enjoy the holidays! hugs....

dear ppl it has been awhile since i last blogged... but i will be back after exams...with a new skin and ya...just wanna wish all of u good luck for the exams...yeah...cheers to all...
life is a road...with turns here and there... if u go straight...u might just not reach ur destination... so i am going to start looking around...
good luck ppl!

well..sigh...u have your informers..u see what i mean? there are always people telling you things? and you see you also chose to believe what they had to say..why do you always think that my nick is referring to you? arent you assuming too? you know how much it affected me that night we spoke. well..i hope u understand why then that i did not get back to you. i havent discovered what a person you are. i know if i continued talking to you, you'd still be telling me the same thing. girl..let's just stop it here. this is dragging too much and getting too many people involved already. ok..i was the one who started talking about it so just take it as my fault alright? No point in trying to say who's right and who's wrong anymore... let nature takes its course. why do you say that i chose to believe all but you...well...i dont want to say anymore..then let's just discover ourselves ba ok? u take care too.
enough about this...
many things happened...i dont want more things to happen... will just keep it all...lesser people knowing about your stuff..less trouble.
whatever...i shall say no more..
horsieeeee....bite..so sianified...complain!!!hahaa...
to all take care..

this prob be the last post this wk...hmm..end of our so-called recess le..hmmm...often when we reflect back on the past..it is only then that we learn about what we have lost...and then realise that we have done enough to appreciate the things around us. But as we all know, once some things are lost, they'd never return back to u.. no matter how much u try.
sigh...i miss those days us 04 girls had together..we used to do so many many things together but what has happened now..? saddened.
argh..also found out how often the circumstances around u lead u to so many roads and u dont know which way to go.. i dont know who i can listen or who i should listen too..
i dont know who i would want to talk to now...feeling down.. dont want history to repeat itself...me in bad mood talkin to others n end up spoiling relationships..sorry huh..i didnt mean it.. i know it takes alot for me to blow up but once i do..i noe i am hardly rational anymore...argh.
i duno wad to say le.='(
can anyone understand how i am feeling...?

realised i havent been blogging for a long long time... as usual, many many things happened..
been busy with so many so many stuff. well..its the holidays now, but as usual it hasnt been much of a holiday with so many quizzes after the break. here to blog about the many many things..
yeah indeed life is never fair. this is a fact and we all know it. there are things that cause u to be disappointed. but there are reasons some things are not told. I chose to believe that things will change, but time and again i was wrong. i dont always listen to what people say. i have my own judgement too alright...? It's just that u dont seem to realise that each time u say u wont do something anymore, more often than not u r doing it.. it's not one incident, 2 or 3.. u wont understand how it feels. You give people a certain degree of trust because they deserved it. I am heartless and not consider ppl's feelings. I dont say what happened for a certain reason. well..each and everyone of us are guilty of backstabbing to a certain extent...if you know me well enough, you'd know i dont like to speak my mind! ANd i wont do many things till i can not take it anymore. i have my limits too. blame me if u have to, but dont bring my other friends into the picture ok? dont assume who these 'others' are cos u never know they might jus be your closest friends. I dont believe because of what people say..dont make me sound as if i dun have a mind of my own and incapable of makin my own jugdement.things had to come to this point. u trust who u have to.
Okie..enough of that... not many happy stuff to blog about.. i seem to be at this stage of losing people whom i love..it hasnt changed but..haa.
something happy to blog about..i am now the proud owner of 3 very adorable hammies! lol.. trying my best to tame them as much as possible... lol...they nib hard for the 1st 2 days but seriously they are tamer le..squeak.. will be back to blog... it's a much easier way to let off heat...
cheers to all....

hi all! HAppY new yEar to all of u...yippie.. have a new blogskin liao..after some time.. well..basically i like it because of the music...canon in d..=) well..back from all the visiting and stuff le for today..going to do my tutorials after blogging... as usual as it has been for every yr.. beginning in the day would be a visit to the temple..tradition ba..then after that to my 大姑's hse.. then will be breakfast at MacDonald's..then finally everyone will gather at my 小姑's hse which is juz 2 blks away from my hse..and as usual we have this tradition of going to the movies every yr..today we decided on I Not Stupid too... it was a nice show..but really sad..
finally got what jason meant... it made me think back to the past..and even the present.. there was a time when i thought that i was useless.. maybe that hasnt changed much but prob it's cos i never tried to do anything abt it... why do we always wait for things to happen before doing anything..?
nvm.. it's CNY so every1 be happy..
there's a lot of things that are not beyond our control..so many times there are so many things tht u wana do but couldnt. sigh.. i want to let u know how i feel bt i juz couldnt.. it is happening right infront of me but it is out of my reach...
i believe we often do things that we did not mean to and we know it.. well i do not deny that i do but..argh...
so many so many lies... i'm jus afraid i cant keep it up anymore... one has led to more... n more...i want so many things... but i guess i'm not meant to have them...
heez wendy if u're reading this...u still know me so well... yes.. i stil keep everything in.. as usual... i knw there are ppl ard to share with but i just dont know hw to... yeh and as usual... i dun wana appear weak... yeh the heart is breakin but what can i do...? but dont worry k..cos i'm holding out just fine k..? the spirit is no longer there but in any case..the shell, my body is...
every1 is sayin life cant be tt bad..maybe... i just gota believe....

hmm..really quite some time since i last blogged le... schol just started i guess everything still rather unstable.. guess will be busy for the beginning with the hall production stuff.. but things will settle down soon i hope... haha... well.. took up 2 electives this sem. i hope its a good choice...since i took it up already... i'll do my best ba..

well...so many things happened lately..the good the bad..hmmm... yeah..
i realised that i am really a failure as to understand what ppl think..
as it goes i tihink i fare really badly in interpersonal communication..
maybe yes... it's just destined that i keep everything to myself.

some things wil never change...
some things there's probably no point in trying to get back to what it used to be
i cant clap alone...
if u dun wan it just let me know ba...
there's no point in forcing le..

horsieee...roars...
bite... u tke care k?
huggies...

let things be as they are...
easier said...
i will step away...

sigh...
fallen...
i dont want...i dont need...some way to deceive myself...
tke care

been a week since i last blogged i tink.. slightly more maybe? well.. Happy New Year to all..
As usual i didnt spend new year properly each year... somehw or other..it's always spoilt for me..maybe its meant to be... i blame no one...
but best wishes to all..a lousy beginning does not=poor ending..
i dont hope for much..just life to treat me properly...
argH...dont tink i can ever express myself well enough for ppl to understand..
i'll just let things be..mke it easier for everybody..
someone told me.. the uncherished would not be unappreciated forever...bear no hatred.
if its true..good..
the ppl ard me i love are leaving me one by one...
dont know what it means but...
thinking alot..urgh
maybe there're also things that i can never understand..
forget it..i'm too tired to look for answers...
sch reop[ened today..yeah...
my timetable is reasonable ba..
havent got confirmation of my electives as yet...
and yes...i've got a new roomie...and ooh..we were all wrong abt her nationality...
oopx...until she intro herself to me...
to all..jia you for this new sem k...?
cheers to all...