alone at home.. nobody else is here.. have been in my room e whole day now... now that no one is home taking this opportunity to use the com.. it has been some time since i let go of my frustrations like that.. allowing the tears to flow so freely.. suddenly i realise i'm not ok.. argh.. know i have been hiding everything else to myself.. each time i met customers and became uptight.. i thought it was due to the customers..never have i thought the reason was much deeper.. haiz.. nvm ba.. will just try to ignore all these by being more invloved with work.. suckz.

claz dinner yest..it was ok.. nothing much to comment about.. ok. tired.. shall grab more sleep.. at least it'll stop me from thinking too much for a while.. take care..

heyx.. here i am blogging again.. very very tired..it has come to almost two weeks at cpf tmo already..and it has been two months since i started work at cpf.. am thankful for this job la.. after next monday..riane and siao hui will be leaving for IRAS.. then Jasmine doing it till the end of the week.. geex.. then they requesting for manpower from the main branch.. dont know who will be coming over though.. doubt it'll be from the counters.. so will be meeting more new people ba.. i've begun to do recording at tmo.. haz.. back at main where recording was concerned.. we only did for WDL and RSD..now it's everything!!! my u can spend more than half a day doing recording lo.. haz. i'm beginning to cope w the new changes already.. there's always constant reminders that here we cannot afford to be what we were like at the main.. from opening chq box to tying up singpass forms.. it depends on the temps.. think the officers have started to warm up with us too.. so it's good i suppose..
nuff said about work.. there'll be class reunion dinner tml.. marina bay..steamboat i suppose..? shall see.. hmmx.. saw something on the bus on my way to work today.. sigh.. if only things could be like before.. how much i wish for it not to be such a dream.. it has been more than a year already..it began simple and yet it chose to grow.. sigh.. how much i wish for myself to be in that position but i dont think it's ever going to happen.. unlikely ba.. sigh.. i started to think about what happened before and tears began to form.. sad.. but nvm... when wil that moment come for me again..?even for something that simple..irregardless of the meaning..? how long do i have to wait..? maybe it's not a time to think about this now.. ha.. but it's a choice i've made and it'll stay.. the so called roles will just have to change.. some facts i will never learn.. i will just ignore..
if only i was the one... if only...

harloe..it has come to the end of the week.. or rather beginning..? Sunday has always been known as the beginning..? hmmx.. nevermind la.. basically i've been at cpf tampines for 6 days already.. it's still very unlike at the main but i have to get used to it right...? sigh.. must get used to the attitude of others and at the same time make sure i do not get influenced ba.. one of my supervisors at tampines commented that i'm very serious..? is that not good..? i have been like that at the main and i dont intend to change.. this week i've met many members who made me really pissed... already not enjoying myself a lot yet i still have to face up with them.. well..e customers are always right..
Life has been rotating around work and home.. i've been eating alot this week.. in the night la.. when i'm home and think about the unhappiness at work.. i'll just eat more and more chocolates..? they always say that chocolates works wonders to one's mood.. i agree.. haz. suan la..
Class gathering at leemin's house yesterday.. thanks for the buffet dinner ya? four+one guys came.. haz.. that one is jason la.. many of the guys are out in the wild this week... haz.. take care of yourselves lo.. hmmx.. was happy to be able to see the class again.. yalor..
One often ponder upon what is best for oneself... but time and again the circumstances always seem to act against what u wish to do.. haz... well.. when i finally did.. a great sense of relief fell upon me.. yup yup..
well well.. think results probably out in 2 weeks.. hope all goes well.. ok.. to all.. take care..

it has become such a dread and argh..it just suckz.. haiz.. where is everybody? i know i'm not the only grumpy one around.. but i'm already putting up a front.. u may ask why i stay on despite these unhappiness.. many reasons lie within.. one reason i want to prove what substance we have..what we have gained from the main office.. and also how would we know what situations we'll meet if we change jobs..? another reason..i dont wanna share.. geex. know what..? everything here is just so fake.. i dont know what goes on in the minds of those people around me..? i cant even be my normal self anymore.. this suckz... ARgh.. must be happy w what i do..but how..? will learn.. will learn.. geex.. and suddenly..where is everyone when i want to speak to someone..? :'(

geex..only second day and i'm traumatised by a customer.. i know u want to make ur point through..but mind u keep ur hands off me!! i thought it was all my imagination but it did not happen once twice or three times! it happened 4 times! sick man.. indeed life at the branch is totally unexpected.. it's a totally different culture..this has been so saddening.. the level of 'slackness' over there.. the sense of urgeny..what's this man!? i shouldnt be comparing but argh.. it's only the second day and each day i'm counting down to the end of day? haiz.. will have to get over it.. the main branch spirit stays with me and yuen shin and we both know that no matter what happens.. they'll be supporting us all the way.. geex.
i just read something.. haiz.. i now i'm nt the only one but.. suan le la.. let nature's take its course.. well... take care ppl.. i miss u all...

heyx all..Happy New Year to all.. to begin with..the week didnt begin very well.. firstly.. i was still down with flu and and started coughing since last friday? last friday was also the last day for gerald jacklin and huipeng.. hmmx.. ok then went to work on monday and had half day for tueday.. first day of new year watched seoul raiders with 3 cousins and my little brother.. then rotted the rest of the day away.. second day wasnt any better.. read at home la.. haz.whole day? ya.. then it was back to work.. on friday.. end of the day we had debrief.. could see it wasnt going to be very good news la.. well.. main office needed 2 persons to be transferred to tampines branch and another one to leave.. so basically yuen shin volunteered since she lived in tampines.. then i decided that since others were leaving kind of at the other end.. i'd go over la.. so yesterday was the last day at the main branch for me.. sigh..everything happened at such a rate.. it's time to learn to adapt ba.. we all leaving already..it's very sad.. wrote a short note for my colleagues.. Yati talked to me before i left.. Hendra shook my hand before he left.. suddenly all my memories at the main branch just overtook me..? hmmz..what to say? I'm thankful for the ERS 'family'..thanks to you people.. i'll miss all of you... Now there will only be 6 more ppl at the counters.. well.. on a more +ve note.. i'll get to work in a different environment..? get to meet more ppl.. hahaz. Ok.. shall see what happens tomorrow lo.. anyway.. Happy Valentine's Day to all.. hahaz.. Rather it should be Happy Friendship Day.. yeah.. I had a great day today.. simple yet very much comforting.. ok to all..take care.. till then. HUgz..

quite sometime since i last blogged? ok la.. 4 days now is considered quite a long time i guess..? well well.. life's been hectic? maybe.. hasnt been the way i expected la.. someone once told me.. "all my worries, i leave it to God. I deal with what i can handle, anything else the Lord gives me a hand. And also once u face the reality that life is never fair, u dont get disappointed as often." hmm..thanks for sharing sound advice..i appreciate it lots.. well.. as we begin to taste working life..we begin to appreciate the simple pleasures of sleeping in on Sundays..ha.. i guess soon it'll be time for me to take a break and then find something new.. sigh..
Right now..i'm in a dilemma.. i've no idea which way i should be headed for.. i've no idea what i want.. just living day by day.. why does it seem i'm only noticed when favours are needed..? sometimes it pains me just to be at home and noticing the things that are happening.. sometimes i sit there wondering if there's anything that i can do.. argh. even worst are the times i sit there and get shouted at just cos someone is not haPpy.. so what did i do to deserve all these? I'm trying my best to understand things..yet time and again i'm faced with different situations i have no idea what to believe..geex.
ok..shall stop.. no point going on.. chinese new year just around the corner.. to all Chinese, HappY New Year! Gong Xi Fa Cai! Xin Nian Kuai Le.. take care..take care...

ever lost something suddenly and told yourself that u could have done nothing more..? and that u moved on.. cheers..i admire all those who did.. i agree it's the stand to take about whether to let stuff bother u or not.. eh.. full of crap. think time at cpf is really running out.. i think it's time to leave.. take a break and find something new..? yeah. suddenly all seems to be coming back at me.. geex.. i dont know take care.

harloe i'm back..and..welcome back hendra..ha..indeed there was wrong information being deseminated.. whatever it is it's good to have him back.. haiz.. think my whole day was spoilt today..from after lunch onwards..wasnt a good day at all.. somehow i think it actually began simple but i just don't like the way it is. when i ask something..it means i'm ready to do it for you.. why doubt whether what i asked was for sure not..if i didnt want to do it..i wouldnt have bothered to ask right..? i just got pissed off with it.. stupid thing to be angry abt..? i dont know but my day didnt begin well even.. haiz. was even on the verge of answering back to Yati..sorry. think i jus din like the fact that i was not 'heard'..i've done this so many times.. i understand what i'm doing..dont doubt me like that.. I'm glad i didnt end up being the one scolding customers..
Things happening at home..one following another.. maybe i just dont understand how you feel.. i'm sorry for that.. haiz.. then today received news after work abt something that happened.. maybe it's good that you all didnt notify me earlier..but dont i have the right to know? ok..i'll just take it that u all din want me to worry while i'm working.. whatever it is..i wont know how to handle it if everything just came at once..
sorry for the grumpiness today.. i'm not totally alright...things at home..wonderful customers... argh..suddenly everything just sucks...

hmm..havent been blogging..brother has been at home.. so didnt get much chances to use the com..well.. the week began quite smoothly..crowd was in on monday as well as tuesday.. the people coming in more and more aggressive.. well.. somehow the family we began with at the ERS counters is slowly being broken.. some will be sent up to the call centre some will stay at the counters..we'll be moving to the 2nd storey soon..cos the actual crowd is thinning.. i dont know.. but today's debrief was a serious one..very solemn too..haiz..today is a sad day..and after so long i got pissed off by customers again.. now beginning to understand the difficulties of earning money and spending...now all my expenditure is afforded by myself..hmmx.. not easy..after a whole day's work..u earn $50.. then must determine where this $50 goes.. hax. sigh.. hendra is leaving.. cisco received complaints against him..he'll be transferred elsewhere.. nevermind.. in our hearts..we know that he's just doing his job..hope he finds his next assignment better.. cheers hendra..:) weird weird me.. i dont know why i'm doing this.. why escape..? bleah. to all take care..

bleah..it's a whole new beginning..but things are the same..i'm glad..:) i'm loving my job more and more as i meet more and more different cases..and being able to handle more and more things..:) well..maybe it's good la.. i'm putting my best into this job..i mean i believe in putting in all la.. just that sometimes some customers just piss me off completely.. i mean i've explained to them over and over again..and then they just refuse to listen..haz.. yes hendra.. no matter how 'wrong' they are..the customers are always right.."P.. hmmx. never really imagined myself in a customer service job but i'm glad it has proven me that i could do it..(: well..will be doing recording tml..something new..will have to try it out..learn something new at least..

it has taken me so long..yet i'm glad i finally did it..whatever the outcome now..i'll have no regrets at all..:) yeah.. to all take care..:)

hiz.. tired eyes.. in the end had to make specs again.. dont really like e colour..too striking.. but wad to do..tryin save money..then previous lens still good..so use back lens..then vv minimal selection so..ya.. nvm..will be back to my contacts as long as i feel my eyes arent this tired anymore.. went to pantry to read today b4 work..read awhile then talked to hendra till about 820 lo..he was sharing his experiences..dont remember how we got to those topics even..lol.he's 31 with 3 kids.. poor kids actually..how often do they see this daddy of theirs.. Dont know if 'luck's with me' or what..somehow no matter where i'm sitting.. i meet difficult ppl.. haiz. haz...then i seem to be always meeting these ppl..then haf to end up troubling the ics again.. so sorry.. oh well.. two more goin up to call centre.. geex.. oh well..oh well.. yeah.. hari raya haji on fri..public holiday.. yUpz.. tml earlier shift..that means work will end at 430.. ok..to all take care...smile? haz.

bleah..geex..tired huh..i spent yesterday pigging for the first half of the day..then went shopping for baking stuff with my mum..wah..must admit those eighteen bars of butter were light..together with the sugar and stuff.. haz.. but ya la..cant expect mum to carry those stuff.. today was on 830 shift.. i went early as usual..trying to save on transport fees... cos i'm the one paying..so i brought my book along and went into the pantry to read.. haz.. was supposed to be at the counters for first half of the day before lunch..but when i went in terrence was at the counter so i was waiting.. but in the end after sitting there for half hour or so..alvin got me and deanise to go down to learn recording.. then got huipeng to replace me.. after recording i was back to shredding up to 12+..wah..then think it was too dusty or wad..my contacts got my eyes all blur by lunch..then fiza got me and qiao'e to help out in the e-lobby.. some problems with the server lately..many customers unhappy lei.. very slow too..hmmz.. then after lunch 1.30 i was down for ushering.. all the way up till 5...ha..as i went downstairs for ushering.. met simon on the way.. haha. he was carrying three umbrellas.. then approached me..asked me to do him a favour..ya..went to maxwell food centre to fetch fiza and another cso? not too sure who.. haz.. interesting.. cos they had meeting at 2..haha.. then went back to cpf building..by then think the rain kind of small liaoz..cotinued ushering..wah..first time i do ushering for so long.. i was aching all over lei.. only other time i ached this much was the first few days..i was supposed to get used to it le lei..well well.. hahaz.. ok la..at least treat it as i'm learning many things.. haz.. shouldnt be so pessimistic abt all these.. i'm glad to have met so many ppl in the process of working.. the cleaners.. the guards.. got to meet ppl from all walks of life..hmmx.. not bad.. as hendra our cisco guard puts it.. we are going through something called life..hahaz..then again.. ya. haiz.. missing ppl.. hahaz.. the gals..the guys.. ppl do take care ya..?? smiles..

when e night has come...
everything happened so suddenly.. no time for me to grasp.. i spent the whole of today shredding paper.. from 930-430.. i did away with lunch..i couldnt really bite..wisdom tooth growing..haz..gums were like ow...but i did take a short break so no problem..now there's say 20 ppl remaining on the list..? then two more leaving tml..two left yesterday..ar..still duno my fate.. haz..shall wait and see.. felt kind of uncomfortable today.. duno..something wrong with my body system i tink.. blah..anyway..i'm looking forward to exercising lei..i'm like 'pale' now.. from the continuous exposure to aircon..and no sunlight..
haiz..i must get used to the continuous changes in this life of mine lei..else how to survive..everything changes..every minute..every sec.. i was just wondering what kind of ppl actually made it high up..the hardworking ones..? the very nice ones..? the hypocrites..? somehow heard it doesnt pay to be too nice a person..especially at work.. cos u probably just get kicked out soon enough.. really must be more ruthless..? no thanks.. i dont intend to become a hypocrite just to go high..i'll just be me.. well..haz..
to those who are leaving and those who have left..i wish you all the best in future..whichever paths u all choose to take..if fate brings us together again..i'll be more than glad..do take care... hmmz.. take care...

yeahOo..another day has gone by..although i'm still loving my job..i'm wondering if it's time i found myself another.. it's kind of sad to leave..but isnt it worst having to be paid and not doing all that u can to fully deserve the pay..? i dont know how others think..but this is how i feel.. i'll still do the things to the best of my ability ba..blah... i dont know.. i guess i will just stay and see what else i can do.. let fate decides what happens..
ha..in the end..just have to learn to endure a bit more.. haz.. tired each day..to those who are unwell..get well soon.. am saving up..for U..for my own laptop.. cant really afford to have two persons going into U at the same time.. dunno..k la.. night..

yeah..i'm here blogging again.. haiz.. have been having weird sleeping times.. ya lor.. then wake up at all sorts of timing as well..ha..tired..but ok la..Somehow i cant stand not doing anything lei.. sigh..must try to make myself busy at work..really hope to continue to work there.. just have to see how fate decides to treat me..wish me the best.. one of those guys i served came back today.. one of the difficult de..he came back drunk..spouting all kinds of words.. was like surrounded by security and many many ppl... Hmmz.. guess monday is always a busy day for all of us..? yati was almost alone handling cases for us..alvin on mc..terrence on leave.. today both came back.. then think alvin still quite ill? get well soon..as for simhoon..get well soon..hmmx.. tuition is taking a toll on me.. i somehow think i;m not being a very good tutor to kenneth.. sigh.. i dont know really if he understands me.. haiz..am missing the girls... the guys of 04..see u all soon again... as to liping..Congrats!! u understand why i guess..hahaz.. k ba.. tired.. to all take good care.. night..

hmm..ohoh.. did i give the impression that i was taking my job vv 'hardly'...hmmz..no problem at all cos i love it la..even as the crowd who are coming in are more 'violent'.. maybe i havent much of these people so quite surprised..but ya..like what they say..put ourselves into their shoes.. bleah.. ya.. must enjoy the job..like that then can happy right..? ya.. hmm..:P ok.. to all take great care...especially those going into NS... yeah....:)

hmmz...harloe ppl.. long time never blog le..? How are you guys..? Hmmz..starting today most guys are going to go for NS le...hey guys.. u all must take care ya? haha..cant wait to see you all again soon... yeah..work is still ok.. somehow really muz learn to one ear in one ear out.. i mean for those customers who are want to take it out on u.. hmmx..learn to jus look away and jus take in a deep breath..haz..it does help.. haiz.. but nvm la.. yati said we'll be here for at least a month more..hopefully ba.. i see e crowd thinning out..ok..maybe not really..but ya..have attached myself to this job..hahaz..but ya..it's this next phase in life..must adapt to the rapidly changing world..meet new people..haz..hmm..sim hoon got admitted to hospiatl for appendicitis..shall ask if anyone wants to visit her ba.. kind of weird to go alone i guess..but ya she's one of our ics afterall.. ya.. dont know..somehow something is missing in this life of mine.. hahaz.. it's work home little sleep and the cycle goes on..nvm.. yeah.. take care...

hmmz..have been thinking about what happened at work..i'm still upset about what happened.. i know i probably shouldnt bring my work unhappiness back home..but i want it out of mind before i go back to work again tomorrow..I've believed in giving the best service that i could afford..even when i rendered all that i could..it's sad to learn that i did not gain your trust.. that kind of feeling... geex.. i just hate to be doubted.. i know that if i dont say anything..anything that happens would be my fault.. then i should just leave it..? Geez..i need to take things a little easier.. ok..when it's with regards to money..i guess everyone is just anxious...? but need it be to this extent..? is it a wrong choice to keep quiet about any unhappiness..?

haiz.. what have i done wrongly.. sometimes i just dont understand..geex..will i ever be able to? have i overlooked anything.. i dont know...i somehow jus dont gain the trust of others..

it's the beginning of 2005 already..ha. how time flies.. 2 years in jc.. the joys..the tears.. the time we played hard..the times we studied hard..it began with ohana orientation..and it ended off with gradnight.. now i can consider myself officially a jc grad even as i await my results.. bleah... everyone leading their own lives..i'm missing school..missing the people.. i guess these are but just words..until i prove it..no one will believe ba...

I'm currently giving tuition to this pri4 kid kenneth 2 nights after work..hopefully i can help him improve his grades... somehow..each day after teaching him..there's this sense of achievement.. yeah..though it has only been for two lessons.. all the best ba..

well..i just hope all goes well tml.. i look forward to work..hopefully with a lighter heart.. lookin forward to class gathering as well.. to all take care...

great..just great.. i couldnt take it after 5 days of encounters of unreasonable people..one customer jus made me snapped.. i snapped.. i stopped smiling..continued to work.. with fiery red eyes..clenched fists..somehow my in-charge found out..asked me to fill up an empty counter and asked to open a counter instead.. didnt mention anything initially..then before he left after half day which was sctually his half day..stopped and asked what happened to me..? i was like over le jiu suan le.. din wan to say anything.. he was insistent.. the full story is not known to him though.. nvm.. i rather not bother others about this.. not as if we wont meet worst ppl.. i just dont know why i snapped.. ARgh.. too short tempered..? i doubt.. nvm abt that..i tried smiling again.. Dont worry.i still love my job so.. just have to learn to ren.. even if i'm sure that i'm right..the customer is more right..? huh...
each new year is supposed to be a new beginning..indeed... sigh.. happy new year.. take care..