i realised this hard truth, it gets lonely in hall, during the holidays. rmie went for npcc stuff, so she'd be away till sunday. heh. i woke up at 10++ just nw, realised that every single inch of my muscles are aching. If they get enough ppl to play IH later then i shall just go and watch, cos i dun wana pull the team down, with aching muscles as well and a stupid recurring knee prob. sigh...dear right knee, stop doing this to me! haahaa. it just rained, so ya, going to have really muddy shoes again. oh mannzz. time i invested on a new pair of sports shoes..eh though i know i dun have the $ to. LOL...softball match against hall5 later. all the best. so sorry to those who people who have been asking me out ah. heh. thanks appreciate it that you all wana celebrate my birthday with me, so so sorry ah. but caught up with IH and IS games.. heh. paisehpaiseh. =X take care to all! JOanne misses all of you!

i duno why but i suddenly feel so like crying...zzz. maybe i am just tired...

suddenly have this very lost feeling. but i duno why. suddenly feel kind of depressed, but i duno why. sigh! got this feeling i let people down, but i duno who. well, maybe it's just one of those sad days.

shall use green since green is mse isg colour. heh. yest was too tired to blog. hheeh. whole day was so so packed. meeting with the comm in the morning, followed by ihg softball and tennis traning. 4hrs of training left me with an almost useless right arm, and a wet and muddy pair of sports shoes.. zzzz... heh. today was isg opening ceremony.. blogging abit before i go off for ih softball training..so nua, muscles aching left right...sigh~ not too bad ba, o/r than my batt dying before the ceremony ended. heh. following the crowd with the camera was ermmx tiring la. jiachuan and anchyi are amazing la. i took shortcuts here and there lo. =x well, nice isg comm tee as well as isg tee. thanks max...hah. anndddd lastly, i wana say that, rmie! hw could u intro me to such a game! abit the out of date cos i bet a million other ppl are playing it before me liao. hahaa. introducing...need for speed most wanted. wahhaahaaa.. alright to all, take good care k! cheers.

hello all, back in hal looking at roomie polish her boots. lol, looks so interesting la! =x but she dun wan burn down the room, so decided that i should just watch. hehee..busy day ahead from tml onwards. need to lose some weight. i think i said that like a million times liao lor.haha. haaa. rmie is done with one side of her shoes. =x. supposed to finish at 12, but then yaaa. erm. bleaH... haaa. i am still coughing abit la, still fine, no worries. =D take care take care! more updates soon.

coughing madly now..cant really fall asleep. cough till backache liao lei.sigh. haha.. what to do
joanne is stubborn one, and she refuses to go see the doctor for the cough. hmmm.. at the
moment i'm relying on panadol cold. hope it works for me la. but then erm erm... haha...
sigh..guess by now those reading would have realised my theme. rainbow. haha. i often
wonder who's going to to be the rainbow of my life. hmM. maybe this is not as impt nw ba?
bleh. yeh, just realised that i dont really want to make the same mistake over and again. but then
how many times have i really been able to not let myself go into it? sigh, thiNk my life is full of
contradictions. i dont blame the characters in it, but rather, the writer--me. haiz. it has been
an eventful year for me. each time it comes to the end of a year, i would reflect and hope for a
better year ahead, but then year after year, not much changes. sigh. i better start living properly
before all is too late and i start regretting it.
was on this topic of "everyone deserves a second chance..". to what extent should this statement
be true? i duno..maybe we all dont want to be hurt a second time, but i believe that as long as the
circumstances allow it, then why not? eh this is a chim statement ba. but i guess it's really up to
the individual ba. dOnt know la. always thiNking of weird things. lol. but that's me...hmm.
someone said that i was complicated but a fine lady upon knowing me. dun really know what it
means but fine lady, i am definitely not. not anymore. i learnt to love myself more. i dont give in
to everyone anymore. i dont do things to please people and upset myself anymore. i am no more
that person who gives all she can as long as it is within her means. i have become more selfish.
i duno hw to survive in this world without getting hurt anymore. i want to defend myself. well, tired.
going to rest soon. coughss..take care people.

heh, my flu hasnt got better yet..nor the cough. i stil havent visited the beach, i so wanna go....anyone wana bring me there? hahaa. alumni dinner thing is cancelled and brought to next sunday. i need to get well soon, so many events next week... sigh. i dun want to see the doctor. =x

sigh, i'm sick. wrong timing. =x lih tyng is coming back. =D

sick liao. sigh. down with flu and slight cough. it's so diff for me to kena flu one lor. haiz. yest had stupid connection errors. seriously i dont know if it's the wireless at home or msn, but ya lor. pek chek la.. esp when i am computer idiot lo. yesterday i went swimming and yeh a hair cut. =/ was telling rmie i wasnt going to cut my hair in the next few months but cannot tahan the dried and split ends lo. so went to cut.. and like back in jc, it was a great sense of relieve. =) yeah hoo.. then momentarily i will complain and then forget. =D ddd ddd ddd! hah. muahahaha! well well.
there are certain things that despite trying, one would never be able to do de ba. there too are certain people you realise are easier to share things with right? duno why suddenly having such thoughts la, but something that passed my mind. in a way, these days i feel free.. and yeh kinda happY too. =D ddddddddd! haha. next week going to be superly busy liao... take care wor everyone....--HugS--

back again..today i went to queenways shopping centre to make a new pair of specs. guess what? my degree has gone down! amazingly. for the right eye. the optician kinda coudnt bleieve it so checked quite a couple of times. dang. haha. yes indeed it has gone down but i m wondering if it went down or or the previous one had prob. lol. alright... want to thank for such an expensive birthday present la. goodness... i feel bad can. realised that i'd really be quite busy the upcoming week... ISG and stuff..oh mannnz... i still havent started exercising, someone, make me start. haha still i wanna go out! tennis tml is cancelled so home sweet home before i go back again i go back to hall on sat...
sigh, sometimes i really duno what u r thinkin, u want to say something then after that u say nvm and nothing. alright, i duno wad i can do alright but it also seems like it isnt up to me. one day u are like that, the other day u jus change. up to you la, as long as u are happy, fine with me, nothing i can do for you also alright. i know la, i dun tell u things, so yu[p like what u siad there are some things that you'd not want to say, so...
* know there are certain decisions that need to be made, i know that u wont be as heartless as me, but i want you to know that i am not that heartless one ok. u take your time. i'll respect the decision. no you are not a ball. but i just thought that you may be happier that way. weigh your priorities ba. and the commitment.
to all, take care.

helo~ haa..i'm in hall right nw, instead of exercising, which i should have been doing, i've been leading this piggy lifestyle. hey joanne arent u supposed to lose weight? oh man, i realised that i'm eating more than before. what if i grow so fat that nobody wants me? HOW? missed tennis training today cos had lunch with my family. dim sum. so wrong...hey joanne what happened to your plans to exercise? u've been eating and sleeping! so wrong! haha... but ya tml no matter what, i'm going swimming, that's that. LOL. been mapling and doing nothing else. been online, and offline when slPing. Piggy! so so so wrong la.... but yeh. today the new shirts came, at last. breathes a sigh of relieve! the shirts turn out well. looks nice enough =D fortunately. maybe next time should jus use something less challenging so that it'd wont be so much trouble. maybe meeting xinwei and lp and jialing to go to vivo later, but depending on what time my meeting ends.. to all! take care... going off for my meeting liao. cheers... people, pls get joanne to stop sleeping! hehe. ask her out! =D hugs tight tight!

ah! i so so angry! haha. blogged halfway then went to do other stuff then disc kena stuck inside, then i restart then i lost the whole entry! so angry can. =( haiz zhen shi de. haa yeh was saying that i'm here to blog again. hehe. ya so here i am for the second time tonight. spent today lying around, repaying my slp debt and fussing over my computer and the wireless connection that has been dying on me today. hehe. tml going back to school liao. tennis training at 12. there's softball at 10 too but i decided not to go,cos yeh as much as i wanted to exercise, 4hrs at one go is not too healthy for someone who has not exercised for a long long time. heh. so i am going for tennis tml and the meeting at 6 with ISG com.. then pang coming over to deliver the long waited tees. i hope all goes well. there's so many many ppl i wana spend time with this holidays. heh, da ge, dun worry la ya, i'll find a day la, u also have to let me knw ur schedule lo. and oei, there's some things that i dont like u asking over and again, cos nothing changes ok? and to ddd, sorry i know you r busy too but will try to fit the timing in ok? and i also wan2 meet up with lih tyng, i duno when she's coming back from aussie but i look 4ward to seeing you! =D yeh so many things i want to do! hMmz.take care to all! i miss you all and i look forward to seeing whoever wants to see me! lol! =D hugs tight tight to all...

my life is a storybook.
where the characters change all the time...
but who would be the one? who will enter and stay??
haahaa.

new layout...

hello all! here to announce the end of my exams! today is my 1st freee day. I've learnt, this holidays, i'm going to enjoy myself to the fullest. i dont knw what will happen after the results come out, but then.. it's over, i just hope for the best.
anyway i went to read through the archives for the past 2 yrs. my blog is more than 2 yrs old liao, but had one earlier on which got deleted. seems like haha, alot of things have changed la. previously i realised there was this certain period of time where the entries were like really sad.there was a period of time when everything was so pessismistic. i realised that hey, i said that i was no longer the joanne i used to be for a long time already. and guess what? i really havent done anything much to change it la. i realised that i am still as pessimistic. much as i say that i want to go back to being who i am, i realised i m not putting in much effort. hey joanne, it's time u learn and move on with your life.
there's this particular thing that i want to decide on. actually i thought that i almost came to a conclusion, but then i realised, there are still things that make me hold back from making a decision. no doubt that period of time has taught me that hey, u need it, as much as u say u dont want it. Hmm, yeah there are things that i really cant put down. so sorry, it may take an even longer time for me until i can be sure.
in the midst of the exam period, one chapter of my life ended. yeah, to the character(s) in that chapter, i wish you all all the best okiez? =D
hehe, i packed my room after exams yest. spent so many hours. zzz. so for once, joanne is proud to announce that she has a very neat rm! her side i mean=x alright la rmie's side has been quite neat also la if u dun consider that she dont make her bed. =x so she is consistently neat. i've decided to have a new layout for my lappie. heh =)
so many things that i want to do... but next up will be having ISG and IHG =) hehe. wannnaaa have funnnnnnnnnnn. =D
i bought a new mouse yesterday. =D and sorry girls i didnt join u all at orchard yest. Joanne needed her beauty slp lei. hehe.
anddd for my birthday, i want....
i want...
i want...(oopx i'm doing this again)
haha.
1) pass her exams ( no 1 goes out to her exam markers)
2) my loved ones to be happy =)
3) xiaobai (rmie, make a sacrifice? hehe)
4) more taz (what about a real one?)
5)more
6)more
7)more!
heheee loveeeeeeeeeeeeee=) wahaahaaa, so on my birthday, u al come forward gimme a hug and smuack will be enough...
hehee... i be back to blog =) off i go go go to slp.
take care to all....
and GUAN SIANG!
Happy 25th Birthday to you!
oh and to my elder bro too...
=)

here to screaMMmz.again. joanne is down. again! =S sighx. 2006 down also but then again i really dont know what i am doing. where has all the effort go to? argh. sad diao... one paper to go. i have to do it, somehw. take care to all....

in a sad sad mood. =( dont know what to say. just sad. arghhhz... 4days2papers more...jia you to all alright. =D

here for a very simple purpose....*SCREAAMMMMMMMMMMZzzzz* argh just came back from 2004. ouch it really sucks la. help me manz... kind of sian 1/2 after the paper...zhen shi de la... i mean what the !! hehe... well in any case it's over... shall go nap nap a little for nw... 7 days..3 papers to go... sighhh. good luck and take care to all!! -hugs- love you all! heheee.... =D jia you to all...

i dream of walking down the beach with you... it will become a reality wont it...?

in the midst of exams...with 10days and 5 papers to go, i decided to drop a note...
to all jia you for exams alright? meanwhile... despite the stress level... i am a happy girl... with all the chocolates around me...lol... dang~ more updates after the exams...all the best everyone...=D
p/s: ddd... =P (bite u for all the lemon juice u fed me with...)
and special note to rooooomieee dearest(LOL) study ahhhhhhhhh! =) jia YOuuuu!

hi all, i think i havent blogged to close to a month liao. haha. taking a break from my studies. having 2004 quiz tml... sigh all the best to me yeh?
haha here to ans the so 'important' question which many people have been asking me. lol. what do i want for my birthday....
i want...
i want...
i want...
i want...






lots and lots of love!(haha)
lots and lots of happiness for everyone around me... =)
eh lots and lots of As??
the list goes on... =)
honestly, dont need to give me anything, just dont forget my existence can liao. =)
and for now, i am still in my teens... heehee =P
take care to all alright.
LOve You All!!
hugs- all the best for exams...

hello back to blog again. actually feeling kind of tired but dont really feel like doing anything although yup i know i reali need to study for my thermo soon. haha. roomie brought in her tv tuner card or whatever u call it. =P nice, now we get to watch tv in hall. took so long before she set it up, but honestly it took more time than i thought it would but then there was nothing much that i could do.. =P cos i am at a lost to things like tt...so i just helped her with plucking in her two pin plugs. =P so helpful indeed.
it hasnt been easy. =\ things arent going the way i wish them to be. I dont know if i am being unfair to say no one really understand what is happening at the moment. why does it seem like everything that i do seems wrong? siGh~ and to the people i care whom i have started to ignore, i'm really sorry. like what wendy says, each of us are fighting our own ghosts, i beg forgiveness that i cant be around anymore. all the feelings bottling up. it's not easy, anymore. and for the few who have been ard, thanks and i love u all.
finally started a conversation with a long lost friend, someone, whom i really enjoyed being back in sec sch, the great times we shared together, the times we both been there for one another and haha the times we were being stubborn together! =P haha. now she's so far away, but i am glad that although we have drifted, somehw, there's still this thing in us that clicks. to you, i look forward to seeing u, and girl, do take care of urself in australia. =)
kind of tired.. and to U, thanks for accompanying me during these times, pls dont fall sick alright. sorry i hope u arent deprived of slp cos of me... -hugs- take good care too ok?
IHG tennis training tml shall see how it goes tml before deciding whether i shud drop out of it or not. =P haha. to all take care.

my publicity partner...Reza
My publicity team
part of the publicity team
my toiletie....

so angry!!! my previous post disappeared. and i have to reblog again! so its going to be a shorter entry then wad i was supposed to have. haiz. haha.

Finally investiture is over!
Congratulations on the work well done by all the publicity subcommers. Thanks for all the dedication!=) and to my partner reza, thanks alot boy, couldnt have done it without u. =) and to the rest of the 7th Committee, congratulations. Finally, it's time to take a breather for a day or two before I start mugging for the upcoming quizzes on Wed next week. It has been a long long time since i last blogged. and as promised, here i am! haha..

Many things happened recently. It hasnt been easy. i would like to thank the people who were with me throughout this period of time. thanKs. alot of unhappy things happened. more of the unexpected kind of things. i would like to say to people out there, no matter what u do, please think of ur family and the people around you. alright? sometimes, i really dont know if what i am doing is right or not. but ya. my roomie asked me if i was doing all these cos i felt it was morally wrong and that i should stop wad i did previously. ok, in a way yes, but i guess there are some other factors. i feel damn lousy but there really is some relief despite all the unhappy stuff that's happening...and i have made that decision, and i'd stick by it. No worries, cause despite the trauma, i'd get through it, it all is a learning experience, isnt it? well. things that u never expect always happen. so i guess this is just one of those other things that happened.

Went up to the School of Arts Design & Media for past two consecutive night. Nice building. for those who havent gone up there before, do find an opportunity to do so. first night up was with roomie sophia and her bunch of SBS buddies. we played with lanterns n fire sparklers, and we had mooncakes and greentea. zhijie brought along a bottle of ethanol as well. lol. nice blue flame when lighted up. it was a moony night but it was really hot..last night, there was practically no moon, but it was definitely cooler. nice breeze, really. nice night. 'free from worries"... thanks for accompanying me the whole night, it was really wonderful. =) it has been some time since i did things like that... so people, do go up there. there arent reali many places in singapore where there's grass patches for u to lie down on and look into the sky... haha. but do make sure when u go there and u see erm 'ah tiongs', come back another day. find another night to go there cos they talk like they are so far away from each other when they r reali jus beside one another. really spoil the peaceful night. =P

more things coming up and soon the exams will be here. ya i'd jia you and all of u too alright? hmmm. i'd try to find more opportunity to blog. no worries. to all those who miss me haha, i miss u too.=P i hope all of you are doing well. take care alright! =)

 

some pics of myself...  

my tennis junior back in cedar 

wen wen and i 

wood n i 

szehua n i 

haha look so oldies huh... 

yuhan n 1 

myself 

in wood's rm...

hello once again..
in wood's rm nw..later have to go off for booth at 330.
selling ice-cream mooncake.. hehe. for those interested let me noe k
it is going at $20 which is cheaper than that at swensens by about 10%.
wood is ill and sleeping nw.. wanted her to go to the doc, but since she insists that she doesnt want to, i shall not force her either, cos even for myself, i will be too stubborn so i guess i noe hw she feels and yeh i am in no right to say her either.
sigh..have to come up with my banner design soon.. then namecard, investiture decor, noticeboard decor
and there is subcomm recruitment tonight.. well, maybe its good cos at last we can spread out the workload. =)
yesterday night, i tried to sleep early having slept few hours for past few nights due to the many different commitments.. but in the end stoned there for many moments before i finally dozed off.. listening to the music roomie was playing on e com, nice n soothing...
thoughts started to flow again.. why, why are so many things happening at this moment in life? i wanna be free again.. hah i guess this is going to take some time huh...

i know i have been harsh, but i wont take it back.
i am already having enough things as it is, so dont add on to it alright..
someone said to me before, no one has the right to decide for me what i want in my life.
so why bother about what they have to say to you? well, it's not that easy definitely..
but i'd keep in mind what u have said before..

met apple today..so glad that she's so much happier nw after changing course, girl i wish u all the best alright...see ya around hall alright..it's like we are so near yet so far...

last night daddy called me... kinda disappointed at what he said.. i mean do u reali have no trust in this daughter of yours.. i mean i am reali not that kind of person u seem to assume to be.. but ya i know you are just concerned...no worries la, if he wants i can always explain again...

da ge if u ever read this, do take care of urself ok? i knw that it probably wont be able to go back to the way things were before, look at the circumstances nw, they're different already...

haiz..enough of all the things that are going the wrong way...JOANNE wake up will u, get ur direction before its too late and get lost for life....

people out there who may be reading this, do take care alright... cheers to all of you..

drained..

hello people, yeh just came up with a new blog template. basically, backgrd was designed by me while roomie made it into a blogskin for me. Thanks lots huiping! hehe. muackz! but yeh there'd be changes to it so look out for it. though nothing much is going to change really.
been reali busy recently. Com stuff, quizzes, and much more. wil post up some dnd pix when i have the time to.
as always there are many things that have happened recently. not reali going to talk about them here. cos i know i probably take alot of time to post and its kinda late nw.
be back some time soon to update again...
special thanks to certain ppl. thanks for allowing me to see from ur point of view. for being around...
it has been really tiring. alot of things being decided.
i dont know how long i'd last.
but i will go strong.
like i said in previous post, it has been hard keeping up with the mask.
right nw, i have very strong chocolate cravings... oh joanne u r so going to grow fat.
i want to step out, but i cant.
see u people around. time for bed
cheers...

hi again...
lol..been very busy lazy but here after dinner to blog abit.
hmmm.. kind of confused nw..
dont know where all these are heading towards..
sigh..why cant things be made simpler for everyone..
i realised that some people who are constantly around you arent the people whom u really share things with. nvm..just a random thought..
i was chatting online with this fren of mine.. was saying that some things are better left unexpressed. thats hw i honestly feel. but then my fren was saying, even if u dont know how to express, jus say something, at least ppl know you have something to say. well..
some more hall activities here and there.. but i wont be as busy w these activities anymore..

people walk in and out of ur life...
even though many claim they stay,
only few remain..
suddenly things dont look as bright anymore..
i feel tired...
at the beginning of the semester.
i cant be as strong as who i want to be, claim to be.
i'm not as fine as i thought i am..
the mask is not holding up for much longer.
sigh..
perhaps, i need a little help..

hee to all cheers..
tke care.
long day tml...
sigh...
(-_-)

yeh school has started for about 2 weeks already. so far so good but that's cos only maths tut has started...argh!!! help help when most tuts start next week.
going for hall bash tonight..but having lesson later from 530-730 1st.. blogging before that.
hmm.. here to declare... i love my new roomie....hehe.. introducing huiping. lol.. actually was hoping that i got a singaporean roomie and yes! i did! =P and we dont ignore each other like my previous rmie. =)
hmm. ya.. that's abt all in my life at the moment..
i think there are some things that are better left unexpressed. probably what xinyi said was right. just got to be more vicious..? well..
and oh guan siang, if u happen to be reading this..just wanna say u r amazingly li hai. i was like thinking 'whoa...' anyway. thanks and cheers to you...
to all.. tke care to all..and see you around.

and since it is national day i shall use red for this entry. today 9th august marks singapore's national day. it also marks another special day..it has been a yr. for nw things are on a hold. i havent decided. maybe i am being selfish and dont know what i want at this point in time? sorry for all the trouble that i've given to either of u.
school has started..yesh with a big sigh...feeling kind of stress. ya upon realisation that we're competing against the really smart people reali mkes me feel that i'm like helping them to mark the bottom..but not to worry i'd jia you..=) i'm quite happy with my timetable cos it kind of gives me time when i think i need. erm chim but true.
kind of miss all my girlfrens esp the jc gers.. but yep i'd be seeing ningning twice a wk frm next wk onwards. grinx. time flies..
to all tke care n rmb to miss joanne=)

hi everyone..missed me? yeh hall camp starts this week. and yesh! this bunch of simpsons freshies seem to be full of energy! let's hope for the best. in any case, it's going to be a week of fun! =D
some things are not going too smoothly for me. It has been heartbreaking. Right now at this moment, i am feeling really confused. i have let known that at this time, what i want is to be alone. i am unable to commit fully to what i wish to have so rather than being unfair, why not just let me be? i dont want to be selfish n let u wait. -hugs-
it hasnt been an easy decision, really. I am too tired..probably lost along the way. i am truly sorry if i've hurt anyone.
to kb. haa dont think you'd get to see this la..but then just want to say that, sometimes i reali agree that the truth hurts, but then again, sometimes, lies do help for certain reasons, despite the risk factor. whatever it is, u cheer up alright? anything, i am nearby. =) do tke care too.
hmm, i would be back with more updates! tke care people...
hugs..

hello ppl, some time since i last blogged..sorry about that... just came back from sce-mse foc.. though tired, i had fun..seriously.. seems like there are many things happening in my life of late.. i guess right now, i just need to be alone... time off to myself... really cant tke it anymore.. sigh.. last week of work liao..school reopening soon..and all time will go to my studies..tke care...

sometimes i just hope i can be alone.. and stop causing hurt to those i love.
maybe i should, and step away from all...
and be free all by myself...
i am just another simple person...
who wants to live happily.
allow me to....

hmmm..still sick..still had fever this morning but it went down already..=P other than the non-stop coughing, i think things are still fine. haaha. well.did subject registration today. was really a case of fastest fingers first. teck hou told me just add the core first but stubborn me added everything so in the end couldnt register for one of the slots that i wanted. but lucky other than that things still relatively find. Phew* it was all over in 2 minutes.so it was seriously a case of either u get it or u dont. Decided on group A subjects. didnt particularly plan it with anyone so i hope i wont be alone too much lor..but fortunately AERO peeps taking grp A so will still have my OG people to accompany me for lectures..hee.=P
somehw feel that some things have changed. what can i say. i think its natural reaction on some part ba. i guess some people dont really appreciate things until they know they're about to lose it.
horsieee...i wan u to be happy alright...dont think so much liao and i hope i am not affecting u too much. block out what u dun feel like hearing ok? huggiex..jus remember the promises we made and keep by it k? whatever happens...
BIte..to that someone who stepped into my life recently...dont be held back by ur past k? do what u feel is most comfortable for urself k? =P
think i'd be going back to work tml.. feels so piggish staying home and sleeping after eating med each time..
i wanna get well soon...
heeex.

i decided to tke the previous post away..horsieee pls dun be mistaken k? remember the promises made k? things wil still be the wy it used to be alright. gou gou shou zi. =P
having high fever nw..saw the doc..finally.. thanks for the companion..hugs... fortunately u were ard to force me there...haha
some things happened recently..but i guess it may be going abit too fast... i hope it'd slow down and let me learn more things. haha...
seniors hall camp yest and the day before..quite fun also..=P but then kinda gross for certain stuff.. well...
to all take care...

im the stupid one...maybe u r right but have u ever thought how i felt the other time? when u decided to keep it from me and the reason why u never told me? maybe i was the petty one. but does it even matter to you?

anyway i went shopping today!! thanks my tazzieee for accomanying me... yehhhooo.. haha. bought few skirts and shirts n few other stuff..eh hem..haha..so jojo is a happy girl today...but today...=)

eh yes i agree....as long as i know what i want in future...things dont matter as much and i can let them go slow..not hurrying to put all things out...yeh..

anyway yest after 1/2 day work met 04.. had lunch then went over to leemin's hse.. yehhh we are cranky ppl...hahaaa.. had much fun with the girls though we didnt really interact with the guys but overall..it was nice meeting them again. sad thing was that i was really tired and decided to leave for home early...

work again tomorrow...hmmm... callers pls be nice to me...hehehe...cheers.

Went to work at tampines cpf call centre today..it was kind of different..haha. compared to that 5 months i was working at counter last yr..call centre environment here was a different kind of experience..saw a few familiar figures...
chocolates have become part of me again these couple of days.. i always feel that chocs cheer me up..so pardon me from eating so much cos i couldnt find other ways to cheer myself up and i guess this is also the cheaper option compared to the other of cutting hair...i am growing fat again.
have decided to stay on the job provided they want me till i need to return back to school for my FOC stuff...
-sigh-

可惜现在面前一片黑暗。
我无法从新站起来。

it's been some time. well..been at work for about 3 weeks already... complaints jus increases each day..but this is all part of work i guess. it's draining to work in this industry. hardly think i can last long at all..
some news to share. i failed my driving pract. passed my exams though seriously not good enough and also got a place back in hall 1 and its my previous room. other than that my life has been revolving around work work and more work. have been very very tired each day after work. cant bring myself to do many things. like i totally lost energy. sigh.
kind of lost..dont know where i am heading towards... have only myself to blame for putting myself through all these pains. i know there are some things that i really cannot handle alone yet i can turn to no one. u know the feeling of being exasperated? i painted a picture in my mind. but no one sees it. i predicted the ending but i am still hanging on to that thin string. i do not want to let go but i do not have a choice. but who's going to give myself this chance to let go other than myself?
you may be surprised to hear but there hasnt been a conclusion. i admit it. i want to give myself a chance but i simply cant bear to let go.
been thinking so much about it again lately. but i can turn to no one...sorry....

what lies beneath the calm surface may just be an act put up...
our lives begin to end the day we keep silent about things that matter to us.

it has been some time since i last blogged. many things happened but didnt have much time to blog(excuse) haahaha..got a job back at CPF. this time in call centre. shall not go on about the stupid unreasonable people cos i remember doing that last yr..haha.. well, new people...new phone system...new project.. had a few outings here and there but mainly life now resolves around work. always so tired after work. having to travel to and fro from tanjung pagar each day hasnt been easy.travel expenses have been high as well.. sigh...
most importantly, my driving test is around the corner, and expenses+++... well..i do hope that i pass on my 1st try...so no need to spend more money...=) prays hard for me. wish me the best of luck okie? yeh...
sigh..duno wad to say le.
so many thoughts yet so little chance to talk.
i duno how to either...
Sigh.
tke care.

today i went to recruit express for an interview.. i think my travelling time was longer than the interview time. It was similar to what happened at adecco previously..havent been offered any jobs yet. Well shall wait..wanted to meet someone for lunch but didnt go in the end. i dont know..maybe because i'm still far far away. U didnt do wad u said u'd..haiz..i cant 'come back' on my own..i need help alright...?
hmm..many things to say...but just dont know how to go about doing so...it has been like that...for ages..yet some things just dont change rightz?
couple of years back..a promised was made...today i would like to apologise to that particular person to whom i made it to. i am sorry, for i find myself unable to keep it any longer. i cannot be who i used to be anymore and cannot do what i used to do anymore. i will let you know in due time ba. even if so, i would like to say stay happy alright...cheers.
Well..i was reading back some of the archives. yeah i think i havent changed many things i wanted to, couldnt do many things i said i wanted to do..so i think that explains why my life remain at its low point. maybe i just couldnt see things from a brighter point of view. but that's me.

i want to get out but would u help me out...
by letting me go...

wanted to try a new blogskin so here goes...i like it.
yeah..holidays have started. i am now searching for a job...hopefully i find one soon. i want to get away from all the things that are going on in my mind.
to this friend.. i dont know if u still read my blog cos u dont have a com at home... well..but i really dont know how to do it. i can only think of 'going away'...i'm sorry but i dont seem to be able to grasp on much le..right now i dont know what would happen..i told u i would look you up again after i 'come back'..but i dont know how long it'd take..so if u do see this..i want to just ask you to take care of yourself alright...and i am glad you were around.Cheers.

i miss the sea..

what you all see is just surface...
below it the currents are strong..
and even the fish find it difficult to live on.

the exams are over..at long last... i've been waiting for so long...this time round i have started studying much earlier than the previous semester but sad to say i am quite disappointed in myself. but yet again what can i say right?i started watching this korean drama my girl this afternoon, and am intending to finish it tonight. hopefully i can stay awake..i spent the whole morning packing the stuff in my room..yes i m moving out of hall tomorrow afternoon...i have many many bags of things and hopefully everything fits into the car. After shifting out of hall, i guess many things will change in the next few months. well...put it this way after the exams ended it was like a big stone lifted but yes there is another stone there to be lifted...
there is something that has been bugging me... and i guess i am going to try settle it in the coming weeks. i dont intend to seek the truth or try to think of other alternatives... honestly yes i am hurt. hurt by myself...hurt by others...sigh...yes its going to be a painful decision but the further on it drags, it'll jus going to do more damage. ouch. sometimes i really do not understand why i have to go through this alone. but i will be strong...i will go 'far far away' until i am ready to come back...till then wish me all the best..
my hammie gave birth yesterday..till now there are 2 live hammies..something which i am pretty proud of..cos the previous pregnancies of both my female hammies did not go through very well.. sigh..haha but hopefully the 2 young ones survive through...my dear hammies are a joy to have and i am very glad to have them with me though they nib like nobody's business...but yes i still love them all...
many many things i intend to do in this holiday..hopefully things go as expected. people walk in and out of your life...it's just a normal cycle...i have to accept it.. i will try to accept it.
take care all and enjoy the holidays! hugs....

dear ppl it has been awhile since i last blogged... but i will be back after exams...with a new skin and ya...just wanna wish all of u good luck for the exams...yeah...cheers to all...
life is a road...with turns here and there... if u go straight...u might just not reach ur destination... so i am going to start looking around...
good luck ppl!

well..sigh...u have your informers..u see what i mean? there are always people telling you things? and you see you also chose to believe what they had to say..why do you always think that my nick is referring to you? arent you assuming too? you know how much it affected me that night we spoke. well..i hope u understand why then that i did not get back to you. i havent discovered what a person you are. i know if i continued talking to you, you'd still be telling me the same thing. girl..let's just stop it here. this is dragging too much and getting too many people involved already. ok..i was the one who started talking about it so just take it as my fault alright? No point in trying to say who's right and who's wrong anymore... let nature takes its course. why do you say that i chose to believe all but you...well...i dont want to say anymore..then let's just discover ourselves ba ok? u take care too.
enough about this...
many things happened...i dont want more things to happen... will just keep it all...lesser people knowing about your stuff..less trouble.
whatever...i shall say no more..
horsieeeee....bite..so sianified...complain!!!hahaa...
to all take care..

this prob be the last post this wk...hmm..end of our so-called recess le..hmmm...often when we reflect back on the past..it is only then that we learn about what we have lost...and then realise that we have done enough to appreciate the things around us. But as we all know, once some things are lost, they'd never return back to u.. no matter how much u try.
sigh...i miss those days us 04 girls had together..we used to do so many many things together but what has happened now..? saddened.
argh..also found out how often the circumstances around u lead u to so many roads and u dont know which way to go.. i dont know who i can listen or who i should listen too..
i dont know who i would want to talk to now...feeling down.. dont want history to repeat itself...me in bad mood talkin to others n end up spoiling relationships..sorry huh..i didnt mean it.. i know it takes alot for me to blow up but once i do..i noe i am hardly rational anymore...argh.
i duno wad to say le.='(
can anyone understand how i am feeling...?

realised i havent been blogging for a long long time... as usual, many many things happened..
been busy with so many so many stuff. well..its the holidays now, but as usual it hasnt been much of a holiday with so many quizzes after the break. here to blog about the many many things..
yeah indeed life is never fair. this is a fact and we all know it. there are things that cause u to be disappointed. but there are reasons some things are not told. I chose to believe that things will change, but time and again i was wrong. i dont always listen to what people say. i have my own judgement too alright...? It's just that u dont seem to realise that each time u say u wont do something anymore, more often than not u r doing it.. it's not one incident, 2 or 3.. u wont understand how it feels. You give people a certain degree of trust because they deserved it. I am heartless and not consider ppl's feelings. I dont say what happened for a certain reason. well..each and everyone of us are guilty of backstabbing to a certain extent...if you know me well enough, you'd know i dont like to speak my mind! ANd i wont do many things till i can not take it anymore. i have my limits too. blame me if u have to, but dont bring my other friends into the picture ok? dont assume who these 'others' are cos u never know they might jus be your closest friends. I dont believe because of what people say..dont make me sound as if i dun have a mind of my own and incapable of makin my own jugdement.things had to come to this point. u trust who u have to.
Okie..enough of that... not many happy stuff to blog about.. i seem to be at this stage of losing people whom i love..it hasnt changed but..haa.
something happy to blog about..i am now the proud owner of 3 very adorable hammies! lol.. trying my best to tame them as much as possible... lol...they nib hard for the 1st 2 days but seriously they are tamer le..squeak.. will be back to blog... it's a much easier way to let off heat...
cheers to all....

hi all! HAppY new yEar to all of u...yippie.. have a new blogskin liao..after some time.. well..basically i like it because of the music...canon in d..=) well..back from all the visiting and stuff le for today..going to do my tutorials after blogging... as usual as it has been for every yr.. beginning in the day would be a visit to the temple..tradition ba..then after that to my 大姑's hse.. then will be breakfast at MacDonald's..then finally everyone will gather at my 小姑's hse which is juz 2 blks away from my hse..and as usual we have this tradition of going to the movies every yr..today we decided on I Not Stupid too... it was a nice show..but really sad..
finally got what jason meant... it made me think back to the past..and even the present.. there was a time when i thought that i was useless.. maybe that hasnt changed much but prob it's cos i never tried to do anything abt it... why do we always wait for things to happen before doing anything..?
nvm.. it's CNY so every1 be happy..
there's a lot of things that are not beyond our control..so many times there are so many things tht u wana do but couldnt. sigh.. i want to let u know how i feel bt i juz couldnt.. it is happening right infront of me but it is out of my reach...
i believe we often do things that we did not mean to and we know it.. well i do not deny that i do but..argh...
so many so many lies... i'm jus afraid i cant keep it up anymore... one has led to more... n more...i want so many things... but i guess i'm not meant to have them...
heez wendy if u're reading this...u still know me so well... yes.. i stil keep everything in.. as usual... i knw there are ppl ard to share with but i just dont know hw to... yeh and as usual... i dun wana appear weak... yeh the heart is breakin but what can i do...? but dont worry k..cos i'm holding out just fine k..? the spirit is no longer there but in any case..the shell, my body is...
every1 is sayin life cant be tt bad..maybe... i just gota believe....

hmm..really quite some time since i last blogged le... schol just started i guess everything still rather unstable.. guess will be busy for the beginning with the hall production stuff.. but things will settle down soon i hope... haha... well.. took up 2 electives this sem. i hope its a good choice...since i took it up already... i'll do my best ba..

well...so many things happened lately..the good the bad..hmmm... yeah..
i realised that i am really a failure as to understand what ppl think..
as it goes i tihink i fare really badly in interpersonal communication..
maybe yes... it's just destined that i keep everything to myself.

some things wil never change...
some things there's probably no point in trying to get back to what it used to be
i cant clap alone...
if u dun wan it just let me know ba...
there's no point in forcing le..

horsieee...roars...
bite... u tke care k?
huggies...

let things be as they are...
easier said...
i will step away...

sigh...
fallen...
i dont want...i dont need...some way to deceive myself...
tke care

been a week since i last blogged i tink.. slightly more maybe? well.. Happy New Year to all..
As usual i didnt spend new year properly each year... somehw or other..it's always spoilt for me..maybe its meant to be... i blame no one...
but best wishes to all..a lousy beginning does not=poor ending..
i dont hope for much..just life to treat me properly...
argH...dont tink i can ever express myself well enough for ppl to understand..
i'll just let things be..mke it easier for everybody..
someone told me.. the uncherished would not be unappreciated forever...bear no hatred.
if its true..good..
the ppl ard me i love are leaving me one by one...
dont know what it means but...
thinking alot..urgh
maybe there're also things that i can never understand..
forget it..i'm too tired to look for answers...
sch reop[ened today..yeah...
my timetable is reasonable ba..
havent got confirmation of my electives as yet...
and yes...i've got a new roomie...and ooh..we were all wrong abt her nationality...
oopx...until she intro herself to me...
to all..jia you for this new sem k...?
cheers to all...

merry christmas everyone...cheers...
it has been a long time since i last blogged..

how many can really understand how i am feeling now...
though still standing..it's as if a pillar has fallen...
the structure is no longer stable..

argh..the feeling of lost has returned...
this time stronger...
i dont blame anyone..
just myself...

i'm so sorry for the so many inconveniences i have brought...
i dont want to cause anymore harm...
i'm sorry...
i know that time cannot turn back anymore...
the many questions remain unanswered...

dont worry though..
i am still fine...
i will go on...
you all will still see joanne as she is...
but....

sighs of relief heaved...
tears dropped..
smiles erased...
words whispered..
one issue so many different opinions...
different emotions...
mixed feelings...

i live on...
i will keep going..
be more fair to me...

been thinking..
since when was life ever fair?
did it even matter?

hope the path would be smoother from nw on..
all the best...

thanks for ur concern girl..
but seriously it wouldnt hv mattered
things over le so yeah
dont worry about me..
didnt tell you cos there's no pt..
u had such different views..
from the beginning till nw..
u hv spoken in 2 v diff tongues...

i dont understand..
but nvm..
hmmm...

belated thanks to all for ur birthday wishes..
hehe...in order? hah..
first to alvin..liping...ning ning..
wendy..guan siang..lishan..
andy..dao jian..zihao..
jasmine teo..tai chong..
xinwei...vivian..shaohao..
lih tyng..aylwin..yuhan..meng wee..
all these are mainly smses..
thanks to all...
then to wendy..taichong..sophia n peiyu for spending e day with me..
jas for turnin up to surprise me..
and then horsieee for dinner with me..
hmmm..also thanks for the 20th ya?
kingkong was good..carls junior was better..=)
fatal indulgence!!!thanks to all for makin my day(s).
to my collection 3 tees...one big big baby taz..test tube..
thanks....

cheers to all...tke care ba..

this is the colour of my mood nw ba.. argh...
it's over already
been dreading the arrival of this day..
but it has..
though the outcome was the most expected..
but i really really feel v..
i duno hw i'll get over it but dun wori i'll..
i chose to step into it and nw i leave with no regrets..
maybe it's those people up there ba.
my path was meant to go this wy...
='(
to u..move on ba..dun wori
i'll wish u all the best..really..
pls do tke care of urself...
u deserve e bez alright..?
pls continue to do what is right k?
i'm still here as a friend...hugs

i dun want to believe anymore..
it's just not meant to be..
feel so...
i just want to go away...

tke care...

hi all..long time since my last post..MIA for some time aredi so just decided to create another post as i cool dwn.. well well... last paper was a total stunner.. totally lost.. but nvm over for more than a week aredi..meanwhile trying to enjoy as much as i can.. hmm..started my first driving lesson already..quite an experience on monday morning.. 2nd time i tried to 'drive' a car..haha.. enjoyed e lesson hopefuli all goes well..
it's an irony reali an irony...guess i m reali lost for words? i mean in a way i nv expected things to turn out this way..ha.. some ppl just nv change... i told u cos i wanted so much to complain la.. nv expecting u to tell her...to YOU...what mkes u any different from her? i guessed as much already... that's why to all..be careful who u trust.. HAHA.
hmm...since there's nothing more u'd like to ask from me, jolly well...over here i wish u all the best in ur future endeavours..dont have to thank me for anything that i did... justy tke it that i didnt do it for u.. just doing it for myself..time we both got over it aredi ba...if u want to treat me like hw u used to, i'll br glad..o/rwise..reali glad that our paths crossed..tke good care alright.. cheers...
horsieeeeee..thanks for going to get the racket with me and abt the skirts..dun wori wil hv chance one ba....:P roars!! bite bite
to all enjoy ur holidays!!! =) cheers!

back at home..didnt bring my laptop back..brother is out for his exams.. for nus actualli to hv an exam on a saturday...amazing..my laz pp on mon.. materials science...hmmz.. still studying.. well...let's hope for the best then..=)
it's coming to the end of the exams already... i'm starting my driving lessons soon... yupz.. well.. hope all's well
sigh...
horsieee sori but....
to all tke care.
good luck for the exams...

one more paper to go...=) duno hw i'll fare for the rest of the papers but hopefully i dun have to see any more of them next sem...
i hv stopped believing after that phase in jc yr2..though things went on as usual..but deep in me, things were no longer the same...that particular day laz yr..she told me that there were ppl struggling more than me that if i gave up on myself..no one would be able to help me.. it took a long while before that fact sunk in.. e internal struggle at that period of time was something that really threw me deep down into the pits...slowly i made my way up..the climb was never ez.. a yr plus dwn the road...i'm walking..i'm on flat ground again w regards to this...i've gotten out of that pit. it was only this yr..that i started walkin away from that pit..i decided to leave behind that bag.. the climb became easier..and i got out... it took so long...that bag contained so much...but nw it's gone..
am thankful for the ppl who stood by me...thanks.. u opened my eyes to things... i saw who the true frens were..thanks..reali appreciate it..
it's ironic though hw some things are..
knowing things will never be the same again..
well...
deleted some comments from my blog...i guess it just wasnt appropriate. dont know what to say bt jus didnt feel like explainin why i did it...ya.. maybe i gv e person the wrong impression but nvtheless..
hmm..horsieee....hugs tight...=)
to all cheers....

hmm..i've a life science paper tml..so tryin to relax abit now..decided not to cramp anymore things into my already saturated brain..hehe..
actually am writing this with a very heavy heart...big sigh.. studies aside..well it's come to this point where i know what i want..but it has also become clearer to me that i cannot have what i want.. contradicting huh? but that's really how i feel ba...but even if it may turn out that i cannot have what i want...i shall have no regrets.. maybe it's fated..walk along..see where it brings us too...again if its meant to be, it'll be...horsieee..all these is to u..dont think so much le..hugs tight.. do what u need to ok..what u r responsible for k? remember i'm here with u...
we gain as we lose...well...study hard to all...
cheers..hugs...

actually the reality of it never struck me so hard before.. suddenly i realised hw minute the chances of it happening are..maybe i should have heeded advice in the first place..but that was too long ago.. am i beginning to turn into someone i said i wont..? many things are not predictable.. one day i may be infront of u but the next moment i may be gone.. realised that if i done open my heart out.. i'll only be putting lots of pressure on myself.. maybe it's all worth it, maybe it isnt.. but who can give me the answer..? keep things simple ba..it'll probably be easier for u.. i dont ask for much... just give me what u can and i'll be happy already..ok? horsieeee...hugs.

and i guess i've really lost u already...such closure i tink is what i have desired right..? maybe i really dun tell u things anymore.. think u have also decided to completely ignore me.. but that's fine as long as u r happy...unfortunately...but probably fortunately for u... all the best.. u tke care.. and sorry i can never be there anymore...

back into her own world she retreats...never intending to step out much anymore...she has nothing much left out there anyway...living the way that's best for her..away from the daylight..be who she is.. hidden..(to U..thanks 4 being such a great fren..to share w..cheers..)

to all cheers..tke care of yourselves... good luck for remaining papers...

argh...examz r tml.. i hv 2 papers tml... having dinner nw... all alone in hall... my paper starts e earliest... sad huh? haha.. eating all by myself... sigh... e anxiety is here again!!! help!!!!
i didit again...
sorry.... horsieee..hugs tight.
growing...w e a k e r...
n 2 u..i hope u'd stop mking me feel so lowly
wad u wana say..i dun wana argue anymore...
at leat nw u know hw it felt like in e pst..nt knowin anything...
dun have 2 repeat over n over de...
k..time 2 study...jia you...

hi..it's me again..just gett9 away from my notes for awhile.. yet again some thoughts came into my mind.. sigh..
can u tell me how many times u have lied to me..?
im no angel... never one...
i'm beginning to feel selfish...
i dont want to share anymore...
i can almost tolerate no more..
i probably deserved it...
: : suddenly i'm all alone: :
i kept my promise.. but i'm feeling terrible..
can't u just set me free from all these...
argh.. u never really understood how i felt..
maybe it's not ur fault cos i nv told u..
i dun want to hurt...
sigh...
: : horsieee...hugs on2 u: :
well..should get back to my studying..
tke care to all... see u all again...cheers..

just came back from class..no lessons tml...yippie.. i've no lessons tml but my exams start next week like on wednesday.. sigh.. then realised no way i could scrape thru my environmental quality w/o studying for it.. hahaha... oopz. hmmx..
physics quiz was ok for today.. yup..nothing much.. think they trying to make everyone pass ba..
horsieee is not ard.. sigh..
exams..arghhhhhhhhh!!

hi..it's raining out there, feeling cold..sigh... some thoughts..
can u understand how i am feeling?
why i am doing all these?
i cant tell u the reason why,
but i want u to be happy..
forgive me....='(
sorry..really...
tke care to all...

learn to live with it or suffer.. something i learn.. there's a limit to my tolerance.mind u pls dun push ur luck too far..i dun intend to let things turn ugly..sigh.. having dinner.. maggie.. something simple for a change...tke care to all.. burning inside................ arGH!!!

hi to all..long time since i last blogged eh... supposed to be sleepin already but somehw or rather, cant get to sleep again.. sigh.. stressed up..exams comin and i'm still struggling with my tutorials.. big big sigh... tired..duno.. sometimes just feel so hopeless.. just dont wanna do anything anymore..sigh...
something on e positive note..spent time on sat with the 04 ppl...celebrated lishan's birthday.. romantic thing jianhao did for her.. heehee... hmmm.. then sunday was yet another special day..=) cheers horsieeee! hehe..hugs and thanks...for the wonderful time...grinx...
well.. some things happen when u least expect it.. u never know... sigh.. did it mean something else? it's broken..sigh... =(
another chapter..another phase... seriously do i mind... i dont... i really dont.. tke care to all ya..? hmm..2 that particular u... it is but a small distance...it's not a factor as long as u can overcome it...

jo signs off...feeling totally hopeless... someone...help...

hi..sometimes u just cant help it but get so irritated... argh..sigh.. duno wad's wrong with this world where nothing goes as expected..shouldnt have returned hm this wkend..bt like wad i said.didnt expect things to be like tt... fine..u all can tke it that i'm unfeeling..go ahead. i just dont know how to face things.suckz man.
came hm happily but now already feel so lost...well... whatever...
as it goes...happiness does not belong...
need motivation to do wk..my exams are coming...

hi all...i'm back...well..it's taking a toll on me.. decided to just..let it go...why make life so difficult for oneself...thanks horsy...i'll be fine... cooled it already..dont know what i'd do w/o u by my side.. hugs..
this thing has gone on for so long already...no point..really dont deserve to be so upset by all these. well..forgive n live by it..what can i do..? sigh..nothing can be done anywy..though damage has been done..so whaT? cheers...
wei horsy... just a short note to u..dont always give in to me alright..? when i go overboard let me know..cause u dun deserve all these nonsense from me alright? you ah...dun let me become so ba4 dao4 ok...sorry...hugs tight...thx for understanding...
and da ge ya..da ge..ya. i'll let it be dont worry. u tke care..
to all..cheers n take care....

just go away...i'm pissed off nw..realli reali down...damn...

ha..dumbest person u can find around here..--> me...
had a class outing today..went to changi airport to play badminton with 04/03..havent seen them 4 a long time. hahaha..one of the largest turn out ever...all the girls were present..then guys included zhaoyi, zitong, shili, jianhao, weijian, fengfu, daojian, yadong, brian...well...it's prob be last class gathering i'm attending...dont ask me y... ppl..take care..
totally disappointed..utterly upset... am i such a lowly person... do i deserve all these...damn damn damn! yes...i'm always the one causing all these huh...no one's fault..it's mine huh...yes. i'm the sacarstic one. i'm the one who doesnt bother anymore. yes. i'll take everything. i'm not upset. this doesnt affect me at all..nothing has happened...! indeed. i never bothered..i never tried. i'm the useless one. it's a right choice u make nt to remain in my life. all i cause is trouble. i dun need things to change 360 degrees... i'm cold blooded.................... damnnnnnn.

haiz..yes..i am the unreasonable one.. i'm no different. i'm sorry. maybe i really dont deserve it at all.. arGH.....jo! stop it.

finally got back home.. using the com at long last. ha..been at hostel the past week n didnt bring my laptop back so didnt manage to use much la.. yup.here i am now blogging..this week has been an eventful one...but it's coming to the end of mid-term break already..having two quizzes next week..sigh..okie.. mon i went tm mac to study.. quite conducive also..wed thurs n fri had stuff in sch..oh well.. dunno wad2say..maybe punctuality doest count in ntu...lol..

well..so much has been thru my mind..sorry horsy....thinking alot..guess it was scary to react in that way but..sigh..i almost snapped..hope u understand that i have my reasons 4 doing so.. i'm sorry. well...forgive me i hope but if u dun..i'll nv blame u..i'm e 1 who caused things 2 become like this...sorry..

it was terrible..nv felt this bad before...was looking for ppl but every1 seemed away on that day.. in the end ended up with me alone in the room..by myself.. thoughts flowing..didnt catch a wink.. wondered if what i did was right. sorry... i just needed to be sure. i blame myself for so many things that has happened.. i know u understand..i'm sorry 4 making things so difficult...ARgH...just want u to be fine that's what most impt. do tke care.. hugs tight.

to all...tke care yaya..? good luck to those having quizzes...cheers...

it's sunday..beginning of the mid-term break. did my maths tutorials over today.. great achievement. long time since i did so much work at one go.. ought to feel guilty abt it huh. well.. did catch a few shows on tv here and there..ya..

dun feel good.. thinking again...the realities in life.. never know what is behind that wall..never know what lies ahead for u. sorry. sometimes..it's good to be pessimistic..at least u dun be blinded by stuff which arent true right..irritating that each time u try to be positive u just get dragged down.well that's life. nothing much u can do abt it..

sighhhhhh... if only...

to all take care...

latest picture of me after my haircut..new colour also but not exactly very obvious..well..hmmm.. anyway...was wnedy's bdae yesterday.. happy birthday roomie.. :) and i was innocently ponded together with wenz peiyu n sophia.. so e four of us toilet mates got thrown in together. shall spare the disgusting details...lol...and...most importantly yesterday was the first month..it was a quiet but joyous occasion.. :) thanks for everything...

it's the term break at long last... yeahhoo.. must catch up with my work.. many things to do as well..meetings and stuff...ya. went to kbox at marina square with shan, liping, min ,sab today..ok la...didnt realli sing much compared to the rest of them..hehehe...but more than usual le...

well...truly said.. if u do back to others what they do on u how different are u from them? haiz...nvm. whatever..to all take care...

hi to all..late in the night.. i have my life science and management with humour CAs tml but just realli cant get to sleep..horsy..sorry..i promised to call if i couldnt get to sleep but i didnt want to disturb u.. sorry about that..cos i know u're tired.. hugs tight.. mind saturated already so didnt want to continue... so shall blog abit then go bac and attempt to sleep again...

was having this talk with my roomie and toilet mates..then suddenly wondered to myself.. should i just back out of all these activities..? concentrate and leave everything else behind...i dont know.. haiz... forget it.. should just keep this all to myself. why bother...?

let nature take its course...see u all..take care..wish me good luck... CAs and my mse announcement....

hi to all...tking a quick break then back to studying.. i have my life sciences, managment with humour quiz coming up tml... haiz.. stressed up again..v hard to ask me to relax..when e panic comes, it just comes...never been able to control it for a long time already...one week has just passed already.. beginning to think if i should really give up trying to keep my place in the hall. should just forget abt getting enough points to stay huh. just got into school's publicity sub com but already thinkin of backing out. such indecisiveness...

losing oneself.. what abt it..that's what u get when life starts to turn its head away from u.. and the constant headache starts to haunt u again.. hardly any consolation to speak of.. thanks for those still here with me..

to leemin... haha..guess the impact wasnt e same when u read it..but it probably hit me hard cos i never expected this to be what would be done ma.. but i have made one great mistake and i have learnt alot from it.. haha. like it goes a leopard never changes its spots.

to that particular GIRL.. i think u know who are... it has been a mistake to let u in into so much. i am sorry to say but i regret my actions. thought i could put my trust in u but i guess i was wrong. very wrong.. i dont need ur pity..dont assume u know everything cos u dont anymore. and pls stop it..stop all nonsense from going around will U? cant u just speak what is true and stop spreading crap..do u know how miserable u are making those 'involved'? dont try to know everything.. i'm sorry u have to read it here. u know i wont talk it face to face with u. sorry i have to hurt u this way but i cannot take it anymore... back in those days and now...you nv changed... just wishing u the best in ur life nw..

hmmm... raining heavily outside nw.. going back to hall tonight.. meanwhile just like to mention that school has been fine.. yupx. other then the increasing workload.. recess coming up but the CAs will be here as well..geez..

ok to all tke care...cheers..

--simplicity--